


Seasons of (Among Other Things) Love

by Aris Merquoni (ArisTGD)



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autumn in Paris, Biting, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Double Penetration, F/M, First Time, Fisting, Fuck Or Die, Good Life Choices, Huddling For Warmth, Irresponsibility, Judgments on Fauvist art, M/M, Multi, Novelty Condoms, Obnoxious Impediments to Travel, Poor Life Choices, Pre-War Paris, Pregnancy Scare, Responsibility, Rimming, Rough Sex, Salon d'Automne 1905, Shoe Size Does Occasionally Matter, Shoe Size Doesn't Matter, Spot The Reference, Stealth Crossover, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-11 06:12:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 56,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5616571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArisTGD/pseuds/Aris%20Merquoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hans decides to learn how to be a good person, Kristoff decides to keep an eye on Hans, and Anna decides that she doesn't want to decide between them. A fluffy, smutty romp across the Arendelle countryside, a trip to meet Hans' family, and a vacation in Paris buying modernist art.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Winter's Frigidity

**Author's Note:**

> This originally started life as a quick response to a kink meme prompt but got way out of hand, and also doesn't answer the original prompt very well. Still, that probably explains at least some of the sex.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hans gets interrupted at important business, Kristoff makes a timely declaration, and Anna learns about using friction to increase a body's temperature.

Hans had a princess in his arms and a bit of a conundrum on his hands.

"Elsa froze my heart," Anna was explaining as he lay her down on the couch in front of the fire. "And only an act of true love can save me."

... which explained why she'd burst into the room, fallen into his arms, and demanded he kiss her. "A true love's kiss," he echoed, and she nodded.

Anna looked terrible--well, she still looked pretty enough, but she was shivering and her hair had turned almost solid white from whatever magic she'd been struck with. But he'd kissed women who'd looked worse (and a few men, too) and for a kingdom? Well, he'd be a fool to turn that down.

Then again, his mind raced as he leaned forward, who said he couldn't just _tell her?_ The thought made him giddy. The only thing wrong with his plan to take the throne of Arendelle was that he hadn't been able to tell anyone about it. He'd played the devoted suitor to Anna, the protector of the common man to the citizens, the strong arm to Weselton and the ambassadors, and now here was Anna almost dead and Elsa in the dungeon and he had everything in his grasp and--

_If only there was someone who loved you,_ his mind supplied, and he bit his lip to keep from spitting it out right then. No, that was _perfect._ She was going to freeze to death in a minute, couldn't he just--

There was a commotion just outside the door. "I have to see her!" someone shouted.

"What?" Hans wound up saying instead of his speech. "What was that?"

Anna's eyes opened, a puzzled expression on her face. "... Kristoff?"

"Who's Kristoff?" Hans asked as the door burst open.

The man who had unceremoniously thrown open the door skidded to a halt a few paces in. He was tall and burly, and was wearing clothing far better suited for trekking in the wilderness than standing in the library of a castle. "Woah," the intruder said, putting up his hands. "Um... awkward."

"Yes," Hans said, getting to his feet. Oh, well. Shelve the speech, then. He summoned up politeness and put his disappointment away. "I'm Prince Hans; I don't think we've been introduced."

"Kristoff, what are you doing here?" Anna said, struggling to sit up.

"Uh..." Kristoff looked between the two of them, and visibly decided that Anna's question was more important. Well, Hans allowed, she was the one who was dying. "Anna, I have something I need to tell you."

Not even a _your highness_. What did they feed the peasants in Arendelle? "I'm sorry," Hans interjected, "how do the two of you know each other?"

Kristoff turned to look at him and was struck with a case of awkwardness again. "Uh, we were travelling..."

"He saved my life," Anna said clearly. "Without him I would never have gotten back down the mountain. And it was his family who knew that true love would break Elsa's curse." She gave Hans a look and cleared her throat pointedly.

"Ah, yes," Hans said. He turned to Kristoff and gave him a performance of his best concerned-yet-very-busy expression. "We were in the middle of something..."

"Anna, I love you," Kristoff blurted.

Hm. Well, that complicated things. Hans blinked a few times and raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?" he said, aware that if he was really in love with Anna, he'd be pretty offended. "That's my fianceé you're talking about."

Anna, for her part, was staring at Kristoff as though she'd never seen him before. "You do?"

"Yes," Kristoff said. He turned back to Hans and made the awkward face again. "I mean, I know this is... I know that you two are... she's _dying_ ," he said. "And if it turns out that you don't know each other as well as you do--she said you guys got engaged after meeting _that day_ \--"

"It's true love," Anna muttered, but she didn't sound as though her heart was in it. Oh, dear.

Hans took a deep breath. The situation was rapidly spiraling out of control. His (incredibly) tenuous claim on the throne of Arendelle was based on Anna being _in love_ with him, if not in actual legal fact married to him. If she changed her affections to someone else, his incredible good fortune was on the brink of being completely reversed. "So you're offering yourself as some kind of love backup?" he said, keeping his voice as even as he could.

Kristoff winced. "Uh, that sounds bad."

"Both of you," Anna snapped. "I'm _freezing."_

Hans looked down at her, then over at the door, where some of the very limited number of castle servants were still standing, eavesdropping. So much for avoiding witnesses. "Can you close the door, please?" he ordered them.

The door shut with a resounding click. He turned to Anna. "You're right," he said to her, then turned to Kristoff. "You're right," he repeated. "I love her, but I'd rather have a living fiancee than be proved uniquely suitable."

"Still _right_ here," Anna said.

Hans sat down next to her and gave her a hopeful smile. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "Where were we?"

"Oh, uh," Kristoff stuttered as Hans pulled Anna into his arms again. "I'm just going to be over... yeah."

Anna was giving Kristoff a confused look, so Hans took her chin in his hand. "Please believe me," he said in his most sincere voice while gazing into her eyes, "When I say I love you."

She smiled up at him, and her expression steadied. "I love you, too," she said quietly.

Perfect. Hans smiled again and then leaned in for the kiss.

He was really good at kissing, but it would have been a fucking miracle if talent alone could convince whatever magic was holding Anna's heart to let go. Still, he put everything he could into it on the off chance he was wrong. When he finally broke it off and pulled back, her eyes were slightly wider and her mouth was parted in surprise. Excellent.

Hans traced her face with his fingers, then looked worriedly at her hair, the visible sign of her sister's magic. When he was absolutely sure there hadn't been any change, he winced and sat back as though his heart had been broken. "Oh."

"Hans?" Anna said, scooting closer to him on the couch. "What..."

"It didn't work," he said miserably. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to look as though he was gathering his strength. "I guess..."

Anna was almost draping herself over him when he opened his eyes, holding herself back like she didn't know if touching him would make things worse. Even Kristoff looked upset. It took a lot of willpower to not burst out laughing.

"Hans, I don't..." Anna said, "I don't know what happened. Why didn't it work?"

Hans didn't answer her. He let her question sit awkwardly for a moment, then squared his shoulders and stood up. "I said I'd rather be wrong and have you live," he said, "And I meant it." He looked at Kristoff meaningfully, then turned and walked over to the window to give the two of them some space.

There were a few seconds of silence. It was dark enough outside that Hans could watch in the window's reflection as Kristoff and Anna stared at each other. "I did want to kiss you," Kristoff finally said, "But I didn't really want it to be like this. This is, uh, really awkward."

"Really awkward," Anna agreed, and they both laughed.

Oh for fuck's sake, Hans thought, hurry it up. It was fucking freezing over here.

Kristoff sat down--on Anna's other side, Hans noticed, which was convenient, and asked, "So is it all right if I--"

"Freezing," Anna said again. "Yes. Please."

Kristoff looked a little hurt at the implication that he was only second to death by magic, but he leaned forward to give kissing the princess a try. Hans waited until they'd pulled apart and examined Anna's braids for any sign of change before he turned around. "Well?"

They started and looked at him guiltily. "I don't think so?" Anna said. "Maybe a little..."

He came back to the fire and sat down next to her. Her hair didn't look any different to him. "How long is it supposed to take?" he asked.

"I don't know," Anna said, then put her head in her hands and shook her head. "It's me, isn't it," she cried, "It's my fault, there's something wrong with me!"

Kristoff looked stricken. Hans put his arm around Anna's shoulders quickly. "There's nothing wrong with you," he said reassuringly. "Maybe we just got it wrong. What exactly did they say about the curse?"

Kristoff leaned forward. "Grandpabbie told us that _only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart." ___

Hans' mind was racing. Whether they found a solution to Anna's curse or not, he was going to need Kristoff on his side. There had to be a way to keep him from talking, too. And there was the delicious suggestion in that phrasing. "Oh, well," he said, "The act of love, that's something else--" he forced himself to look stricken and turn away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke. Not now."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Anna said.

"Uh, that means sex," Kristoff supplied helpfully.

"I was just joking," Hans said, holding up his hands. "We're not even married, yet."

Anna held her hands up to her mouth for a moment, then said, "Do you think that would work?"

Anna always had moved fast, Hans reminded himself, though the impending hypothermia probably had something to do with it. "I don't know," he said. "It's just how the phrase sounded. I wasn't trying to push."

"I can't believe we're even discussing this," Kristoff said.

Hans gave him an anxious look. "Do you have another idea?"

"No, but--" Kristoff shook his head. "How would--we can't-- _I_ can't--this isn't fair!"

"None of this is fair," Hans said. "It's not fair that the queen attacked Anna with magic--"

"It was an accident," Anna protested.

Anna was still not on board with the 'execute Queen Elsa for treason' plan, then. Good to know. "It's not fair that she accidentally hurt you," Hans amended. "It's not fair that _true love's kiss_ doesn't seem to be a real thing, or that real love is apparently more complicated than we thought."

"I'm not even sure I know what love is," Anna said softly. "Can you be in love with two people at once?"

Hans wasn't entirely sure that you could be in love with one person, so he wasn't going to field that one. "Sure?" Kristoff said, either because he had a surprisingly bohemian view of the emotion or because that was his best shot at being included. "I mean, I've never myself, but I've seen it happen."

Anna seemed to be reassured by the thought, so Hans chimed in, "I saw some people in, er, complex arrangements when I visited Paris. Artists, mostly; it seemed to make them happy." Less unhappy, anyway. Artists.

"Oh," Anna said. "Because that might be what's wrong, I mean, if true love is just something between two people, then--"

"Then maybe you need both of us?" Hans suggested.

Kristoff looked stunned that Hans had been the one to make the suggestion. Good. "You mean..."

Anna looked up, hopeful, and Hans took her shoulders and leaned her backward until she was lying in Kritoff's arms. "I mean, maybe..." Hans said, then leaned forward and kissed her again.

This time Anna moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. They were succeeding in warming her up, anyway. Kissing her was even nicer the second time. Hans was starting to wish that this would work, that he'd get to keep doing this once he was done getting Elsa out of the way. It wouldn't be that hard to convince Anna to hand him power, would it? For one thing, he could probably keep her distracted with her mountain man, here.

At that thought, Hans drew back and gently turned Anna around until she was facing Kristoff. "C'mon," he murmured into her ear. Kristoff gave him a measuring look, then leaned forward and kissed her again.

No change to Anna's hair, yet. Anna leaned back against Hans and looked down at her braids, then tilted her head back. "Do you think... we should try the other thing?"

"Do you think?" Hans asked her back.

"Woah," Kristoff said. "I mean, which one of us would even..."

"I think she's been pretty clear," Hans said, "That she wants both of us to stay."

Kristoff was still hesitating, so Hans put his hand on Anna's head and said, "Nothing else seems to be working."

Kristoff bit his lip and nodded. "Anna, if you want this..."

"Yes," Anna said, maybe a little too quickly. "I think we should try."

"Here." Hans fished the set of castle keys he'd borrowed out of his pocket and picked out the one for the library doors. He handed it to Kristoff. "Can you lock the door, make sure nobody accidentally walks in?"

Kristoff nodded and took the keys. As he walked to the door, Hans drew Anna down onto the floor, closer to the fire. She was shivering, but her eyes were bright and watching him as he pulled off his coat.

"Hey," Hans said carefully, pulling off his cravat and setting it aside. "You're going to be okay. I've got you." He looked up to see Kristoff coming back from his errand, and amended that to, "We've got you."

Kristoff frowned suspiciously down at him and stripped off his coat. Hans gave Anna another kiss as Kristoff settled down on the floor next to them, and once Kristoff was comfortable, Hans nudged Anna backwards into his lap.

"Oh, hey," Kristoff said as Anna squeaked in surprise.

"You okay?" Hans said, running his hand up Anna's leg. She was wearing new boots as well as a change of clothes, and he tugged her shoes off and set them aside.

"I'm okay," she said. "Just... cold."

Kristoff shifted until Anna was more comfortably snug in his embrace and wrapped his arms around her. "We've got you," he said confidently.

Hans smiled and pushed Anna's skirt up her legs. When he'd wiggled her underwear off, he was mildly surprised to notice that Elsa's magic had apparently affected all of Anna's hair, not just that on her head.

"Is something wrong?" Anna asked. "Am I... okay?"

Hans looked up and quickly gave her a reassuring smile. "You're beautiful," he said, then leaned over and brushed a kiss against her inner thigh. "Every inch of you." He tugged off his gloves, then ran his bare hands up her thighs again. "Let me show you."

"Oh, what are yoooooOOOOH!" Anna squealed as Hans ran his tongue up her cleft. He grinned and did it again. She tasted good, sweet and tangy with that flavor of woman that he'd missed. He really enjoyed doing this, he thought as he parted her labia and sought deeper with his tongue, and from the sound of it Anna was really enjoying it too.

"Um," he said as a thought struck him. He looked up enough to see Anna's face. "Try to keep quiet? We don't want anyone to come running."

She flushed crimson. "Right," she said. "That... that would be bad. Okay." She frowned, then stuck one of her braids in her mouth and bit down on it, flashing him a thumbs-up.

Hans grinned at her. Adorable. "Perfect," he said, then bent back to his ministrations.

When she was slick and ready he slid a finger into her and she squeaked. "Okay?" he asked quickly.

"Mmmk--ppuh--kay," she said, spitting out her braid. "I'm okay, just that feels a little, uh, weird."

If he'd doubted Anna's virginity, there was the proof of it. He nodded and gently rocked his hand back and forth. "It feels different with someone else, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," she agreed, then blushed and clapped a hand over her mouth. "I mean, I've--you know, practiced, and I've read things, but I've never actually--I mean, it's not like there was even anyone _around_ who I could have--"

"And we wouldn't have blamed you if you had," Hans said. He sat up and scooted closer so he was sitting between her legs instead of kneeling there. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"I'll say," Kristoff agreed. Anna smiled and snuggled back into his arms.

Hans went back to sliding his middle finger in and out of his fiancee. Anna squirmed against him and he tilted his hand to run his thumb over her clit. "Oh," she gasped, and he did it again, reveling in the sight as she closed her eyes and tilted her head back to bare her throat. She was so vulnerable. Part of him wanted to wrap her in his arms and part of him wanted to lean forward and bite.

He squelched the latter thought. Anna opened her eyes again, then leaned forward awkwardly and kissed him. "Hunh," she said after she pulled back. "Is that what I taste like?"

Hans raised an eyebrow. "Mostly," he said. He pulled the finger he'd been teasing her with out and licked the back of his knuckles. "Mmmm, why, curious?"

Anna's face lit up and she grabbed his wrist. And Hans knew, when Anna opened her mouth and delicately took a lick at the pad of his finger, he knew with one hundred per cent certainty that this was nowhere near as wonderful as having a tongue on his dick, but at the moment it fucking well felt that good.

Kristoff was watching with his eyes wide. Hans grinned and wiggled his fingers in his direction. "Curious?"

Kristoff gave him a skeptical look. "You're not serious."

Hans wiggled his fingers again. "Go ahead."

This time Kristoff's look was challenging. He leaned forward slightly and--oh, _oh,_ on the list of _mouths Hans would not mind having on his dick,_ Kristoff was certainly earning himself a place.

Kristoff also had a wicked grin. Hans resolved to give him a little more thought. Later. Right now, he slid his finger back inside Anna, gasping in surprise at how wet she'd gotten in just a second. "Wow," he said. "Hey, Kristoff, I think if you actually kissed me I could get another finger in."

"Heh," Kristoff said, as Anna said "OH!"

She was grinning. Kristoff looked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"I... didn't know men did that," Anna squeaked.

Kristoff hummed in thought for a moment, then reached up and ran his hand through Hans' hair. That was all the warning Hans had before Kristoff leaned forward and kissed him.

It turned out Kristoff was a pretty good kisser, too.

And Hans had been right about that second finger. Anna gasped, then moaned gently as Hans leaned over and kissed her again. "Hey," he asked, "Has it gotten warmer in here or is it just me?"

"Maybe just you?" she said.

"I've definitely gotten warmer," Kristoff said.

"I just feel like maybe we're all wearing too many clothes," Hans elaborated.

"Oh!" Anna said, catching on. "Yes. I definitely agree."

Hans grinned and licked his fingers off--mmm, girl--and then started divesting himself of the rest of his clothing. His riding boots and the ridiculous ornamental layers of cloth that went into his outfit meant he came in second to Kristoff and was a little slow on helping Anna slip out of her dress. But then all three of them were naked and seeking out warmth from the fire and each other, and he and Kristoff were holding Anna between them. It meant a certain amount of unintentional touching, especially with the amount of intentional touching going on, and it wasn't too long before Hans' hand accidentally brushed something that made him look down in surprise. "Um. Okay," he said to Kristoff after a second. "I am definitely going first."

"Huh?" Anna asked, then looked where he was looking. " _Oh."_

Which was a perfectly valid response, given the circumstances. Hans would have felt more jealous if he hadn't been halfway interested in fucking Kristoff himself.

For his part, Kristoff was looking sheepish. "I, uh... yeah," he said, "Sorry, sometimes I forget."

"He forgets, he says," Hans said. "You _forget._ I'd be reminding myself every chance I got. I'd be walking around with a grin on my face every day. I'd make up songs."

"It's not actually that much of an asset," Kristoff said, turning pink.

Hans laughed. "Not if you don't tell anyone about it."

"Seriously, can we move on from the topic of my--"

"Here," Hans said, "Sit down."

Kristoff sat, and Hans gently helped Anna lean back against him. "You sure you're okay?" she asked, and Kristoff nodded.

"You know, though," Kristoff said as Hans pushed Anna further up on his thighs, "I do have uses other than as furniture."

"Which you have been ably demonstrating," Hans agreed. "Anna?"

She looked up at him, hesitant but trusting. "Yes?"

Hans paused, suddenly unsure what to say. _Are you ready?_ seemed graceless. "I just want to make this good for you," he finally decided.

Anna's eyes widened, and she nodded.

"Are you sure this is going to _work?"_ Kristoff asked as Hans leaned forward and braced himself against the floor. "Seriously, I've done some things, but nothing this... stacked."

"Trust me," Hans said. He caught Anna's gaze and repeated, softer, "Trust me?"

She nodded. Kristoff shrugged slightly.

Good enough. Hans reached down and took his erection in hand, and leaned forward until he was pressing at Anna's cleft. Their bodies lined up perfectly. He leaned forward, straining slightly as he pushed into her tight tight tight fuck yes _oh--_

"Ah!" Anna said, throwing her arms around him and squeezing as he slipped inside her, and she was hot and slippery but _damn_ tight, and he gasped into her hair as he had to stop after a few inches.

For a few seconds he struggled not to move, feeling Anna's shaky breathing and Kristoff's hands steadying both of them. "Anna?" he asked when she didn't move. "Okay?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly, but when he looked down Hans could see tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Oh, hey, hey," he said, reaching up to touch her face. "Anna--"

"No, I'm really, I'm fine," she said, hugging him again. "I'm just--it's a lot to take in."

Hans actually opened his mouth to respond to _that_ one when Kristoff's expression stopped him. Anna sniffled, then jerked her head back. "Oh wow, I just realized what I just said--how did I even _say_ that out loud--"

It took a little bit of effort to kiss her from this position, but Hans managed it anyway. "Feeling better?"

"Oh." She sniffed. "Yeah, a little."

He pressed another kiss to her forehead and rolled his hips forward. Anna moaned and held on tight, her arms wrapped around his back and his waist. She was really tiny, he realized as he rocked deeper into her, tiny and delicate and vulnerable, and what was she even going to look like getting fucked by Kristoff? Hans squeezed his eyes shut and shivered at the thought.

This really was the best plan he'd had all day.

Anna squeaked as he finally pushed all the way inside her, their bodies warm and snug against each other. "Oh, Anna," he sighed.

She nuzzled her face into his neck, then gingerly started running her hands up and down his back. "Mmm," she said, running one hand down to cup his ass. He responded by thrusting, gently, and she went "Mmm!" and did it again. That got them into a rhythm. Kristoff proved himself to be the best useful furniture by bracing himself against the floor and holding onto Anna with his free hand. Or maybe that was just to keep Anna from rubbing too hard against his dick and causing a premature end to the evening's activities...

Fuck, Hans wasn't going to last much longer himself. He forced himself to stop moving for a second, no matter how much he wanted to keep driving himself into that delicious heat. "Anna?" he asked. "When you pleasure yourself..."

"Huh?" She asked, looking up and blinking sweat out of her eyes. "What?"

"I want you to show me what you do."

"Oh!" She freed one of her hands and wiped her forehead, then slid her hand down between their bodies.

"Hey, better idea," Hans said suddenly, "Why don't you show Kristoff? He's got a free hand. Right?"

Kristoff looked up at him, startled and a little strained. "I have a free hand, _sort of..."_

"Close enough." Hans grabbed Kristoff's right hand, which was holding on to Anna's hip for dear life, and slid it down to her clit. "Here, you just put your fingers here--"

"Ohpleaseyes," Anna said in one quick burst and clapped her hand over Kristoff's.

Hans straightened himself up to give them more room to maneuver. "And then when I do this--" He put his free hand under Anna's thigh to tilt her hips up slightly and thrust hard against her.

Her clitoris slid under Kristoff's fingers and she let out a shriek. Hans took a deep breath, then gingerly reached up and tapped her mouth with his fingers. She grinned sheepishly and tucked her braid into her mouth again. "Mmm-fff," she said.

Since her mouth was occupied Hans kissed her nose. "Hold on," he said, and thrust into her again.

This time her screams were muffled, slightly. Hans ducked his head and pushed harder, _harder,_ until Anna's muzzled cries reached a crescendo and he felt her spasm even tighter around his cock, and with a desperate final thrust he buried himself deep inside her and came so hard he felt as though he were exploding.

He was gasping for breath with his mouth pressed against Anna's hair. His right hand was still braced on the floor; he felt as though if he let go of the carpet he'd fall down.

"Okay," Kristoff said, still sounding strained. "I take it back, you know what you're doing."

"Told you," Hans mumbled, and started to sit up. And that's when he saw it.

There was a candy-cane stripe of red running through Anna's hair that hadn't been there moments ago. He couldn't believe it. "It worked!" he said, and felt himself laughing, as convulsive and involuntary as his orgasm had been. "It worked! Anna, it worked!"

Anna spat out her other braid. "It did?" She looked down at her hair and gasped. "It did! It," she frowned. "It kind of did..."

"Obviously we're not done yet," Hans said.

_"Thank_ you..." Kristoff said.

Hans finally found the energy to, if not stand up, fall gracefully backwards onto the carpet. "Wow," he said as Anna gingerly got to her feet and Kristoff sat up.

Anna blushed and clasped her hands to her mouth. "Was I... okay?"

"You're amazing," Hans said, "And don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Phew." She wobbled a little on her feet and quickly sat down between the two of them. "I have to say, this is not how I imagined my first time would go."

"Honestly," Kristoff said, "I don't think anyone's first time goes as planned."

"Mmm," Hans agreed. "This is better than mine."

"Mine, too, so far," Kristoff admitted.

"Really?" she asked hesitantly. "What... what were yours like?"

"Well..." Kristoff said.

"Uh," Hans stalled.

Anna screwed up her mouth and and gave each of them an irritated look in turn. "I am never going to be able to tell this story to anyone else," she said, "so c'mon."

"Well," Kristoff said, "You met Bulda, right? She's like my adopted mom. She... tried to be really... helpful." He winced. "And you know what my family are like when they're helping..."

Anna winced, indicating she'd heard a story that Hans hadn't. "Oh. Wow."

"So we wound up out in the middle of nowhere trying to avoid them," Kristoff said, gesturing frustratedly. "And we wound up next to this lake... and did you know there are some really good reasons you shouldn't try to have sex next to a lake?"

Hans raised an eyebrow. "'Try', you say."

"We got..." Kristoff made some expressive motions with his hands. "... started." He took a deep breath. "And then we fell in."

"Ooooh," Anna said, wincing.

"And _then_ we found the leeches," Kristoff continued.

"Ouch!" Hans said, holding up his hands. "Ow, don't tell me that they bit you on the--"

"No," Kristoff said, "Fortunately they only found my legs."

Hans smirked. "But it's such a big juicy target."

"Fuck you, your highness."

He chuckled. "I _was_ wondering when you were going to remember that."

"Sorry about my manners, I haven't seen a lot of princes naked. I got distracted."

"Guys," Anna said. "Hans, please tell me yours wasn't that... eventful."

"Well, I was at least indoors," Hans allowed. "In a linen closet, but still."

"What is with all this sneaking around?" Anna asked. "Doesn't anyone have their first time in a bed with someone they're married to?"

"Uh..." Kristoff said.

"No-one I've met," Hans admitted. "Though I think I've been biased."

Anna pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, staring into the fire. "I guess a lot of things just aren't like I imagined."

Hans and Kristoff both went to put an arm around her shoulders at the same time and bumped knuckles. Hans pulled his hand back and let Kristoff take this one.

"But, I mean," Anna said suddenly, "That was really... good. It felt really good. I was worried, because, you know, I'd heard that it might not be, but it was."

"Well, thanks," Hans said.

"I'm glad," Kristoff said.

"You should try it again," Hans suggested.

Anna looked up at him, startled, then blushed crimson and turned to look at Kristoff. "Dude," Kristoff said, "Not smooth."

Hans picked up Anna's braid, the one with the red stripe, and held it up. "C'mon," he said. "You can do better than this."

"Hey," Anna said, giggling nervously. "My hair isn't some kind of trophy."

"Of course it isn't," Hans said quickly. "I'm just still worried about you."

Anna took her braid from his hand and twisted it in her fingers. "Right."

Kristoff took a deep breath. "Anna, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We don't have to... to anything."

"I want to," Anna said forcibly. "I really do, Kristoff, I love you, too. I love both of you." She looked back at Hans, and something strange inside his stomach twisted, like something had gone wrong and he was going to have to watch it play out. He tried not to let it show on his face as Anna turned back to Kristoff and gestured feebly. "I just don't know... if I can... I mean..."

"Sure you can," Hans said, forcing a cheerful front. "Don't be intimidated, and just go slow. Here, Kristoff, you lie down on your back again--"

"And she gets on top of me," Kristoff said, catching on fast. "Right."

Anna didn't see what they were talking about at first, but when Hans gave her a hand getting into position kneeling and straddling Kristoff's waist it seemed to click. "This seems nice," she said.

"Different positions work for different people," Hans said.

Kristoff gave him a look. "So what works for you is complicated arrangements with you on top?"

"I'm royalty," Hans said, hand on his heart. "Haven't you always suspected some of us get off on ordering people around?"

"Fair." Kristoff looked down at where Anna was sitting on his hips, then back up at her face. "So, I, uh..."

Anna smiled nervously. "I think I'm ready. I'm ready to try, anyway."

Kristoff bit his lower lip briefly, then blurted, "I have a confession to make."

"Another one?" Hans asked.

Kristoff sighed sharply, but kept his eyes on Anna. "Iiiiiii've never done this with a woman before."

Anna stared at him. "But your story... the lake..."

"It's not too different," Hans said gently.

"Too different from what?" Anna said, looking even more confused.

Hans shrugged. "From doing this with men."

Anna's jaw actually dropped.

"Uh, yeah," Kristoff said. "So all the experience I've had has been..."

_"How?"_ Anna asked.

Hans traded a glance with Kristoff. "Oh, you know," Kristoff said, "I've done a lot of things..."

"You could convince him to demonstrate a few of them with me," Hans suggested.

Kristoff looked at him, eyebrows raised. "I," he said, "Might be convincable."

Hans rolled his eyes theatrically. "I thought that kiss rated higher than a 'might.'"

"Okay, wait, but..." Anna said, holding up her hands. "You've... you've both? But... how... what..."

Hans knelt next to her and stroked her shoulder gently. "The point is," he said, "I've been more or less where you are right now, with another gentlemen who was," Kristoff's expression, when he checked, was mildly pained. _"sizeably_ gifted, as it were, and if I could manage it I'm pretty sure you can."

Anna was turning bright pink again down to her nipples. "Oh," she said. "But I still don't understand how, physically, where you even..."

"Oh, that," Hans said. He reached between her legs and drew his finger back and up until he reached her rosebud, then pressed gently. "Like that."

"What," she said, "No. I--isn't that painful?"

"Not with some preparation," Kristoff said, almost sounding apologetic.

"And patience," Hans agreed.

"Good positioning," Kristoff said.

"Additional lubrication," Hans added, "Which usually means doing it somewhere civilized."

Kristoff raised his eyebrows. "What, you're too fancy to use spit?"

"When I have access to Vaseline?" Hans retorted. "Yes. Yes, I am."

"So..." Anna said, and they both shut up and looked her way. "Are you saying... Kristoff, do _you_ want to do this?"

"Yes," Kristoff said emphatically. "I do. I really do. But, uh..." he looked in Hans' direction and winced. "I'm maybe not as experienced. I want... I want to make you happy. I want you to enjoy it." He looked embarrassed. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Kristoff," Anna said gently. "I won't let you hurt me." Then she giggled. "And besides, I think Hans is willing to help."

"I enjoy helping," Hans said easily.

Kristoff looked at him skeptically. "Okay," he said, then looked back up at Anna and nodded. "Yeah. I just--can I just take a minute? I've just wanted to touch... you... your... _you,_ and I haven't really had a chance to do... that."

Hans seemed to remember more than a little touching of Anna's everything a little while ago, but maybe Kristoff had been a little more reserved than Hans had been. In any case, Anna nodded her assent and Kristoff started caressing his way up Anna's body, his blunt workman's hands gently stroking her thighs, her hips, the curve of her lower back, around to her breasts. Anna gasped as Kristoff ran his thumbs over her nipples, arching her back into his touch.

"Can I... kiss you here?" Kristoff asked, and Anna nodded furiously. Hans was having a strong urge to help by offering Kristoff a more expansive vocabulary.

Kristoff sat up and shifted Anna back on his lap, then ducked his head to put his mouth on her breast. Anna gasped in surprise, then purred, "Ohhhh, yes, ah--"

Hans chuckled and kissed her on her shoulder to get her attention. "You're discovering all kinds of things you like, aren't you?"

"I'm making a list," Anna said, eyes half-closing. "In my head. Lots of things. You might have to remind me tomorrow."

He grinned and reached up to gently pinch her left breast, until Kristoff batted at his hand. "You had your chance," Kristoff said, before running his tongue around Anna's areola.

"Oh, Kristoff," Anna moaned. "Kristoff, I--I want to--can we--"

"I think when we're all under less pressure," Hans said conversationally, "I am going to teach both of you everything I know about talking about sex without blushing."

Anna turned pink for a moment, then took a breath and gave Hans a challenging look. "Kristoff," she said sternly, "I want you to _fuck me._ "

Kristoff looked up, startled. Hans grinned. "Very good. See, that wasn't that bad."

"I was trying to be polite," Kristoff said. "I thought being around royalty meant being dignified and shit."

Anna giggled. "Oh, yes," she said. "Dignified."

"Dignified as shit," Hans added, and Anna went into a fit of giggles again.

When she stopped to catch her breath, Kristoff kissed her gently, then tugged at her hips to lift her off his dick. "Ready?" he asked, reaching down to line the head of his cock up at her entrance.

Anna nodded. "I think so."

"Okay," Kristoff said. "Go ahead, just go slow."

Anna settled back gently, eyes widening when she made contact. "Oh. Woah," she said. She wiggled her hips for a moment, then bit her lip and tried to push further down. "Ah..."

"Slowly," Hans reminded her, as Kristoff was concentrating on his own feelings.

"Mmmmmnnnnnnn---" Anna hummed, annoyed, as she closed her eyes and rocked back and forth impatiently. "Ohhh why won't it work?"

"Okay, okay, slow down," Kristoff said, sounding pained. Hans winced in sympathy. "You're going to hurt someone and it might even be me."

"I don't want to slow down," Anna said. "I want to have more sex."

Hans patted her on the thigh. "I have an idea. Here, lean forward for a minute."

Kristoff sighed in relief as he lay back down and Anna followed, lying on his chest. Hans slipped first two, then three fingers into her from behind and she squeaked.

"We need you to be relaxed," he said, gently rocking his hand back and forth. "If you get upset you tense up."

"I'm relaxing," Anna said. Kristoff stroked her hair and she took a deep breath. "Mmmmm... that feels nice."

Three fingers was tight but manageable. Hans kept stroking until he could tuck his smallest finger around and fit four. "Eeek, what are you doing?" Anna asked, twisting her head around to look at him.

"Just working with what I have," he said, feeling rather satisfied with himself. "I don't think I need to try to get my whole hand inside you..."

Anna's eyes went wide. "You can do that?"

Hans raised his eyebrows, then exchanged a glance with Kristoff. "Maybe not right now..."

"Ohhhh," Anna said. Then her expression darkened. "But what if this doesn't work?"

"Then we try something else," Kristoff said firmly. "Maybe I fuck Hans while you watch, I don't know."

Hans' hand slipped and maybe he pushed a little too hard because Anna cried out. "I am in favor of this alternate plan," he said quickly.

"Yeah?" Kristoff said. "Even though we don't have any Vaseline, your highness?"

"I can make do!"

Anna made a frustrated noise. "I still vote for plan A."

"Okay," Hans said. He pulled his fingers out of her and planted a quick kiss on the rosy curve of her derriere. "Then plan A we shall try."

His hand was slippery and slick, and he took advantage of that to reach down and caress the head of Kristoff's prick. "Oh, hey," Kristoff complained, then changed his tune to "Mmmmmmm," as Hans ran his thumb back and forth over the tip. "Mmmm, where I come from, we ask before we touch people's dicks."

"Sorry," said Hans, not at all sorry. "Here, Anna, lean back again, now."

This time when Anna and Kristoff's bodies lined up and Anna pushed back, Kristoff slid inside her without much difficulty. Anna gasped, eyes half-closed as she moved, fractions of an inch at a time, to fit the two of them together. Hans felt an odd mixture of pride and satisfaction and yearning all at once. He reached out his hand to touch them, just to be sure they were real, and was startled and warmed when Kristoff and Anna both reached out and grabbed for his hand.

"Wow," Kristoff said, "Oh wow. I... damn. Amazing."

Anna took a few deep breaths, then looked over at Hans and smiled hesitantly. "What do I do now?"

Hans smiled. "Whatever you want," he suggested. "Though you might want to check with Kristoff."

"Mmm, oka--oh," Anna said, shifting her weight forward a bit and then back. She did it again, this time on purpose. "Oh, ohhhh... okay, Kristoff, is that all right?"

"Yes, yes it is," Kristoff said quickly. "That's perfect. You can do that as much as you like."

"Oh, good," Anna said. She squeezed Hans' fingers almost painfully tight and kept moving, tiny little shifts of her hips, her expression moving between determined and overwhelmed.

Hans used his free hand to stroke gently down her back. "You're doing great," he told her. "Don't worry."

"Ohhhhhhh I'm not worried," Anna said. "I just.... oooof." She took a deep breath, then slumped forward until she was lying down on Kristoff's chest again. Kristoff braced his feet against the floor to tilt his hips to a more comfortable angle, then wrapped his arms around her.

"You okay?" Kristoff asked. Hans worriedly rubbed her back again.

"I'm okay," she said quietly. "... stretched."

Hans started laughing, but cut himself off when he saw Kristoff's aggrieved expression. "You're fine," he said. "Just relax for a minute and breathe. Give yourself a chance."

"Okay," she breathed again. "Hans? Come here?"

Awkwardly, he lay down next to them, draping his arm over her shoulders. "Okay?"

She nodded. "I just want both of you here."

"You've got us," Kristoff said. "We're not going anywhere."

Anna tilted her head back and reached up to pull Kristoff's head toward hers. He had to crane his neck to kiss her, but it worked. "I love you," she said.

"I love you," Kristoff moaned. "Ohhh, Anna--"

Then Anna's hand was tugging Hans' hair, and he drew forward and kissed her again, her mouth hot and hungry on his. "Love you," she said when she broke it off, "Love you, too."

"Anna," he said, "I love--" And something stopped him there, couldn't even let him finish the words, a hot and painful squeezing in his chest. "Oh, love," he said instead, "Oh, _bien-aimée, je suis lé pour vous..."_

"Dude," Kristoff said, "Not all of us speak French."

"Sorry." Hans closed his eyes and leaned his head into Kristoff's shoulder. "Sometimes I slip up a bit. Usually when I'm getting fucked." He summoned some of his remaining cheer, looked up, and grinned. "I mean, also when I'm giving head, but I'm harder to understand with my mouth full."

"Later," Anna said, "You can demonstrate that." She grinned as they both looked at her. "See, I'm learning."

"Yes." Kristoff shifted his hands to her hips and shifted his weight under her. She moaned. "Yes, you are. Do you feel better?"

"Yes," she said breathily.

"Can I..." he pushed his hips up against her again. "I want to move so bad, Anna."

She nodded and sat up, putting her hands on Kristoff's shoulders. "I'm ready."

Kristoff closed his eyes and started thrusting, restrained at first, then harder as Anna moaned and started throwing herself into the rhythm. Hans whimpered in sympathy or envy as they moved with each other, and found himself with his hand on the small of Anna's back so he could feel the strain and balance of her muscles as she worked.

"H-Hans?" she asked, "Can you touch me? Like Kristoff did earlier when we--"

"Of course," he said, sitting up so he could reach. Her nether hair was damp with sweat and sex, and when he found her clit she threw her arm around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder to keep from screaming.

"Ohh, I felt that," Kristoff moaned. "That's amazing."

"I'm so close," Anna said. "So close again... please. Please?"

"Yes," Hans said, and held on to her tight, rubbing slick fingers against her while Kristoff thrust into her inches away from his hand. And when she opened her mouth slick and hot against his shoulder and keened, Kristoff whimpered and pushed into her, holding on for dear life.

He was still whimpering when Anna sighed and settled back onto his hips. "Kristoff?" she asked after a second.

"Really... close," he said carefully. "I don't want to hurt you..."

"Oh," she said, moving slightly. "I..."

Hans leaned forward and slid his other hand down to Kristoff's balls. "Close?" he asked, rubbing his fingers over the soft pouch of skin.

"Mmm!" Kristoff said, rocking his hips involuntarily. Anna gasped. "Oh yeah, really close."

Hans grinned and reached down a finger to press at Kristoff's entrance. _"Really_ close?"

The gentle pressure was enough. Kristoff's hips bucked involuntarily and Anna squealed as he came, groaning until his spine went limp and his legs splayed out on the carpet. Anna hesitantly rolled to the floor next to him, closer to the fire, as Hans sat back down and beamed at them both.

Kristoff cracked one eye open and pointed at him. "That was a dirty trick," he said.

"No, dirty would be using my tongue," Hans said.

Anna's eyes flew open and she stared at him for a moment. "I have a lot to learn about sex," she finally said.

"You're already in the advanced course," Hans said, waving at the three of them. "Wow."

Anna nodded a few more times. Then she gasped and sat up. "Oh!" she said, tugging at her braids to look at her hair. "Oh, look!"

Hans blinked and focused. When he hadn't been paying attention, swaths of red had filled back in on Anna's head. There were still white stripes curling through both of her braids, but not only did she look closer to her normal color, she looked _healthier._ Warmer.

"It worked," Kristoff said, relieved.

"It _mostly_ worked," Anna said, worrying her lip in her teeth. "I don't understand. What more could we do?"

Hans and Kristoff exchanged a glance.

"Nothing without a rest, first," Hans said firmly.

"Seconded," Kristoff said.

While Kristoff caught his breath, Hans took the opportunity to get a head start on getting dressed. He'd gotten his undershirt, underwear and socks on and was fiddling with his sock garters (why on earth did his clothing have so many buttons) when Anna came over to kneel next to him, still naked and glowing in the firelight. "Hey," she said. "Thanks."

"Of course," he said, surprised, then thought that response over again. "Thanks for what, do you mean?"

"Well, one, for all this," she said, waving her hand to encompass the three of them. "I mean, it might not be the first time I had planned, but it was really good and may have saved my life, so... great job, team."

"You're welcome," Hans said, as Kristoff chimed in "Yaaay."

"But, I mean," Anna continued, "Also for just not freaking out at Kristoff, and that whole... that could have gone really... and I guess there's a whole lot about you I don't really know," she said, giving him a sudden intense look. "Where did you learn all this stuff about sex?"

"Uh," Hans said, caught off guard by the sudden subject change. "I spent about eight months in Paris a couple of years ago. There were some opportunities."

"You mentioned Paris," she said, "You didn't mention all this."

"I didn't want to shock you," he said gingerly. "And it didn't really come up. It's the sort of thing that's hard to talk about without sounding like you're bragging."

"See, now you get it," Kristoff said. He reached for his shirt and drew it on lazily. "Yeah, you know, you're not really what I expected from what she was saying about you."

Hans raised his eyebrows and looked over at Anna. "You were talking about me?" Well, he shouldn't be surprised, should he? That seduction had gone really, really well.

Really well. Right.

"Of course I was," she said, beaming a little.

Hans smiled back at her, then at Kristoff. "So what did you expect?"

"I dunno," Kristoff said. "Someone a little more... superficial, I guess."

Anna scoffed. "Kristoff, do you really think I'm the kind of woman to be taken in by some kind of con artist?" Hans chuckled, but his stomach was doing that squeezing-swimming thing and maybe he was just getting sick. He was feeling dizzy. Some kind of dizzy.

"Uhhh..." Kristoff said, "Do you want me to answer that one?"

Anna batted at his shin. "Excuse me, sir, I am no secluded neophyte. I've read books on this stuff. I've had adventures. And..." she giggled. "And amazing sex with two men I love... please don't tell me we're all going to start fighting. I don't think I could stand it."

Hans looked at Kristoff. Kristoff looked back at him.

"I think we'll be okay," Hans said carefully.

"Yeah," Kristoff agreed with a similar amount of caution. "I mean, it might be complicated..."

"We'll work something out," Hans said. He forced confidence into his voice and smiled. "Besides, we don't have to decide anything right away. Right now you need both of us, at least until this magic ice thing is cleared up, and we're not going to abandon you. Right?"

"Right," Kristoff agreed. "So what's the plan now?"

Anna shrugged and started looking for her own underwear. "I guess... go try to get Elsa to come back again? I don't know, she threw us out but she didn't know about accidentally hitting me with her magic. Maybe that'll change her mind."

Hans had just gotten his second sock garter to stay up when she finished. "Um," he said, "Elsa's actually back here."

Both Anna and Kristoff looked at him like he'd turned purple. "What, here?" Anna said. "In the castle?"

"Er..." he said carefully. "Look, there was a fight. We'd gone out to look for you--"

"Is she okay?" Anna gasped.

"She's fine, but--" Hans held up his hands. "This was not my idea, all right?" Actually, locking her in the dungeon _had_ been his idea, but hell if he was going to confess to that right now. "Weselton's men went after her-- _against my orders,_ I might add--and she attacked them in self-defense. But that was enough to freak him out, and that got the rest of them terrified--"

"Where is she?" Anna asked, suspicious and angry all at once.

Hans took a short breath. "I got them to compromise. She's in a cell, but--"

Anna started throwing on her clothes. Hans swallowed the rest of his explanation and pulled on his pants and his boots. "Anna, wait," he said, jamming his feet in and buttoning his trousers as quickly as he could. "Give me a minute--"

"I have to see her!" Anna said as she bundled herself into her dress again. Kristoff was throwing on his pants. Hans got his arms into his shirt and started buttoning quickly as Anna got to her feet and ran for the door, only to find it locked. "What? Hey!"

"Here," Kristoff said, throwing her the ring of keys--dammit, Hans thought, why had he handed those over, anyway?

Hans finished getting his shirt on just as Kristoff got to his feet, mostly dressed, and Anna wrenched the door open. He grabbed his coat and slung it on as he ran after the two of them. Shit, as though it hadn't already been obvious what they'd been doing--

Down to the dungeon, to the tiny row of cells, where Anna was demanding of the guard, "Where is my sister?"

"Princess--" the guard looked up in surprise as Hans skidded to a stop next to her. "Prince Hans."

"Here," Hans said, taking Anna's hand. "This way. Bring the keys," he told the guard, and led them all down to Elsa's cell, at the very end.

It was pretty easy to tell which one was hers, honestly. It was the one completely encrusted in ice. "Elsa?" Anna shouted at the window as the guard attempted to put the key in the lock. "Elsa, it's me!"

"Anna?" Elsa's voice sounded thin and cold through the door. "Anna, stay away from me! I could hurt you!"

"Elsa, we're here to help you!" Anna said. "Please, hold on, we'll get the door open--"

"It's no good, your highness," the guard said. The key was chipping against a layer of ice in the lock, but he wasn't making any headway. "There's no way that'll turn even if it gets in."

Hans took a deep breath of ice-cold air. He wished he'd gotten his cloak--or his gloves, dammit, his gloves were still on the floor. "Maybe we can break it down."

"Elsa!" Anna shouted again. She put a hand on Kristoff's shoulder and boosted herself to look through the window. "Wait--"

There was a cracking, crumbling sound, like a glacier sloughing into the sea. Anna slammed her hand into the door and winced.

"What happened?" Hans asked.

"She just broke the wall open and ran," Anna said. "Come _on."_

Anna's hair was already turning white again from the cold. Hans shook his head and followed her back up the hallway. This was not going to end well.


	2. An Uneven Thaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kristoff learns about Hans' skillful tongue, Anna successfully recovers, and Hans propositions effectively.

By that point in the day, Kristoff was through trying to make sense of anything that was happening.

Taking snowman, okay. Magical curse, sure. His family inexplicably wanted him and Anna to get married, like, right away? Well... maybe they knew something he didn't. Threesome with Anna's actual fiance? Uh, okay?

And then they were out on the frozen water of the harbor, tracking Queen Elsa through a whirling storm of whiteness, and all of a sudden they got attacked by a dude with a serious case of sideburns who was lugging a crossbow around, and when they'd got him wrestled to the ground Hans looked at him like he was an idiot and said, "Find the other one!"

"There are two of them?" Kristoff asked indignantly, and that's when Anna screamed.

The storm _stopped._

The white curtain fell and left the world crystallized and still. A second dude in the same outfit skidded across the ice toward them, still clutching a dagger. Queen Elsa was sobbing, arms wrapped around her sister, and Anna was... Anna was...

That was about when Prince Hans completely freaked out, as close as Kristoff could tell.

Kristoff realized that Hans was going for the other dude's knife almost too late to do anything. "No!" he shouted involuntarily, and grabbed Hans around the arms and held onto him as tight as he could. Hans struggled, briefly, then collapsed, boneless, to the ice.

And _then,_ because the day hadn't fucked with them enough, Anna's ice statue came back to life.

Kristoff was starting to wonder how long Hans had gone without sleep, because when the prince stood up he was looking a little gray around the edges. The thought made Kristoff wonder about the last time _he'd_ gotten any sleep. It sure felt like it had been a while...

But Anna was living and breathing again, and looked healthy and normal, and Elsa was nearly glowing with happiness and pride and raising her hands and suddenly everything was _melting._ And it turned out they were actually over the deck of a ship that had been buried in the ice, which was great if a little confusing, because taking a dip in the Arendelle harbor was not really how Kristoff wanted to end this day.

Though, he realized suddenly, it might be a good idea to get a bath before too long. They all probably smelled like sex. Well, he and Anna smelled like too much time in the wilderness with a reindeer, and sex, and Hans--well, Hans smelled like soap and clean clothes and sex, or at least he had a few minutes ago. It felt like a few minutes ago.

Kristoff's brain gave up on keeping track of time about then.

So when they were back at the castle and Elsa looked at the three of them and asked, sharply, "Wait, what's going on, here?" Kristoff didn't have enough energy to do anything except look really, really guilty.

"Uh," he said.

"I can explain," Anna said quickly, then followed with, "I think?"

Elsa's eyes narrowed. Hans looked like he was about to say something, then one of the guys who worked at the castle, the tall portly guy with red hair, showed up and handed Hans the rest of his clothes. "I believe you left these in the library, your highness," he said in a voice that was somehow both completely subservient and completely judgmental, and Kristoff would have been more impressed if he hadn't suddenly been terrified for his life.

"Uh," Hans said. He took the pile of cloth and hugged it to his chest. "Yeah."

Elsa's expression went thunderous for a moment, until Anna stepped between them. "Wait, sis, no," she said. "It's not what you think." She hesitated, then admitted, "I mean... sort of."

Elsa frowned and her eyes darted between her sister and Hans. "Are you okay?"

Kristoff was slightly relieved not to be included in this conversation. Anna took a step back until she bumped into Hans' right shoulder and Kristoff's left one. "I'm fine," Anna insisted. "We're all fine."

"All..." And now Kristoff was included in the searching look. "Anna, can I speak to you? Alone?"

Hans looked like he was going to open his mouth to argue, so Kristoff grabbed him by the arm. "We'll wait over here," he said, not even sure where _over here_ was going to be.

Hans was staring at his hand when Kristoff found them another empty room to wait in, different from the one they'd all had sex in--this one had a table and chairs. "You really haven't spent much time around noblemen, have you," Hans said.

"No?" Kristoff said, pulling out a chair and sprawling into it. His body was telling him that while riding and carrying and sex were all perfectly excellent things, too much of any of them in a row was unacceptable.

Hans looked like he wanted to brush off his coat where he'd been manhandled. He shrugged instead and set his pile of extra clothes down on the table. "It's a good thing we're in Arendelle and not back home," he remarked, and peeled off his cloak and then his jacket.

"Why?" Kristoff said. "Wouldn't want to get embarrassed in front of your family?"

The word 'family' made Hans wince a bit, but he just said, "No, the royal guards get a little overzealous about people touching us without permission."

Ugh. Kristoff had been trying to avoid this subject ever since he'd learned Anna was a princess--well, since he'd realized he was in love with her--actually, he hadn't really given the matter much thought and he probably should have, because Hans was right, he knew nothing about this whole dealing-with-royalty situation. He watched while Hans pulled on his little sparkly vest thing and finally said, "So you do know about not touching without asking."

Hans looked startled at that, then grinned. "Touché."

Kristoff watched as Hans put the rest of the fiddly bits of his outfit together and picked up his gloves. He couldn't quite figure the guy out. On one hand, Kristoff was just glad that Hans hadn't gotten angry and thrown him out when he'd had the brilliant plan of forcing his way into the castle and telling Anna his feelings. On the other hand... Hans had cheerfully pivoted from "That's my fiancee you're talking about" to "maybe we should all have sex." Who does that?

Something about the guy just felt fake. Or maybe that was Kristoff unable to believe that he had luck good enough to fall in love with a woman whose fiance not only didn't mind, but thought that all three of them together was a sexy idea.

"Hey," Kristoff asked as Hans finished tugging on his gloves. "Can I ask you a question?"

Hans looked up, startled. "Sure?"

"What kind of guy asks a woman to marry him the day they meet?"

Hans laughed awkwardly. "That. You mean, besides for true love?"

Kristoff tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "Look, I'll buy that from Anna, but you've apparently had a year of sex parties in Paris. You don't seem like the type."

"Eight months is hardly--" Hans cut himself off and sighed. "I don't, I know. Look." He looked up and met Kristoff's gaze. "I love her. I really do. When I met her, the night of her sister's coronation, well, I wanted to be with her. But the gates were only open for one day. The next morning we were all supposed to pack up and leave."

Hans leaned against one of the chairs and smiled wryly. "I don't know, the cynical part of me thinks that maybe it wouldn't have worked out. But if we were engaged, at least we'd have a reason to keep seeing each other. We could have given it a shot."

That sounded... nearly plausible. Hans broke eye contact and stared down at his hands for a few seconds. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Huh?" Kristoff said, startled.

"It's actually--" Hans stopped talking at the sound of footsteps. Anna ran through the door and threw herself into Hans' arms for a hug, then turned and hopped into Kristoff's lap. Kristoff grabbed onto her for balance's sake, then snuggled her closer.

Queen Elsa was a few paces behind her sister. She looked just as icy and terrifying as earlier, but calmer, and less like she was ready to blast the both of them with frozen doom. "Well," the queen said, "You've already scandalized the servants..."

Hans winced. "We were trying to be discreet, your majesty."

"You appear to have failed," Elsa said with heavy irony. "Well. Thank you... for looking after my sister's well-being," she finished awkwardly.

Hans bowed slightly. "We were all concerned."

"I'll bet." Elsa smiled tightly and looked them over, then sighed again. "Anna seems to know what she's doing. Until you... figure this out, you're both welcome to be our guests. Please. Join us for dinner tonight."

"Thank you," Kristoff mustered enough courage to say out loud.

Elsa nodded at them again and turned to leave. Anna squeezed him. "She's really happy that everything's okay," she said. "She's just used to having something to worry about."

Kristoff nodded.

"Also," Anna said in a bright voice that didn't completely cover her own anxiety, "She's worried that you might have gotten me pregnant."

Kristoff's insides turned to ice. Right. That was a thing. That could happen. To women.

"Er," Hans said. "Yeah."

"How, uh," Kristoff said, "How likely do you think that is?"

"Hopefully not very?" Anna said.

Kristoff and Hans traded a long look.

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it," Hans finally said. "Now, I don't know about you two, but it feels like days since I've had any rest..."

Kristoff's body picked that moment to agree with a crushing sense of exhaustion and soreness. "Ugh," he agreed, then, "I need to go make sure Sven's okay."

Hans blinked. "Sven?"

"My reindeer."

"Oh, here," Anna said, getting to her feet. "We can set him up in the stables, if that's okay."

"If it's warm and dry and has carrots, he'll be thrilled," Kristoff said.

"I'll go to my room, then," Hans said, and gave Anna a quick kiss. "See both of you later."

It wasn't until after they'd checked on Sven and Kristoff had been shown to a ridiculously huge room with its own bathroom and huge, super-soft bed that Kristoff remembered Hans' strange, cut-off request for a favor. Well, there would be time for that later.

Later turned out to be the next day. He slept through dinner, and someone informed him that breakfast would be "informal," which apparently in a castle meant a huge pile of fancy food on a table that he could just go pick at. So he ate, and was told that the tailor (Arendelle castle apparently just had a tailor, like, around) would see to getting him a change of clothes later that day, and while Hans seemed to be taking all of this in stride and Anna was happily beaming at both of them and telling Kristoff not to worry about anything he asked about, Kristoff was pretty happy to go and spend some quality time with Sven after breakfast and then take advantage of that huge bath in his room and the hot running water that came with it.

Cleaned, awkwardly measured by that tailor (whose name was Jens, apparently) and back in his own clothes, he was a little at loose ends when Hans knocked on the door later that morning. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

Kristoff waved at his surroundings. "I have no idea. Is there a schedule? I can't go back to work until I get my sled replaced, so I'm kind of... lost."

"Oh?" Hans tilted his head slightly. "What happened to it?"

"Oh, you know," Kristoff shrugged. "Taking Anna up the North Mountain, we ran into a pack of wolves, had to jump a ravine... these things happen."

Hans looked impressed. "Wow. Sounds like you had an adventure." He crossed the room to the desk, pulled out the chair, and sat down in it. "I'm glad she found you, Kristoff. I thought for sure she was going to get herself killed going out on her own."

Kristoff's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. Something about how Hans said... everything, really, made Kristoff feel as though he was spoiling for a fight. "Why'd you let her go, then?"

"Ha!" Hans flashed a grin. "Do you think you could have stopped her?"

Kristoff relented, slightly. "Fair."

"So." Hans suddenly couldn't meet his eye. "I have a bit of a problem. And I need your help."

It was being uncharitable that Kristoff's hackles were going up and every part of him was bristling. Now that he was rested and well-fed and Anna was still clinging to the both of them--when she wasn't clinging to her sister--it was churlish to feel like Hans was some kind of threat. And yet. Kristoff took a deep breath and said, "Are you sure you want _my_ help? I mean, I think we're supposed to be competing for the same woman."

Hans raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to think of it in those terms?"

"No, it's her decision, but--"

"Kristoff, look," Hans said, standing. "I'm a prince. I'm an eligible and politically significant match just because of an accident of birth. I have the manners, I have the talents, I have the money, gauche as it is to mention. I know how to run a kingdom and dance the waltz and the tango, so on paper I have everything Anna needs." He quirked an eyebrow in Kristoff's direction, challenging.

Kristoff felt his stomach start twisting up. "All that does," he said finally, "is make you sound like an asshole."

That actually seemed to set Hans back. "Okay," he finally said, "But I also got here first, and it's 'true love.'"

"So you're saying, what," Kristoff said, suddenly fuming, "That I should just leave? For the good of everyone?"

"What? No!" Hans actually sounded shocked he'd suggested it. "No, that's not--argh. She loves you. Don't just leave because of some antiquated aristocratic pedigree-matching that some hidebound wig-wearing traditionalists think is important. It's the twentieth century, for goodness' sake."

"Right." That twisty feeling in his stomach was still there, but now he was confused on top of it. "So what was the point--"

Hans sighed sharply. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to say, I need your help, and you can't tell anyone about this." His eyes narrowed. "If you do, nobody is going to believe you. That's the point I was trying to get across."

That made sense. It didn't make him like Hans' attitude any better, but it at least made sense. "Okay, so, if I don't help, you'll what, ruin my social standing amongst the Arendelle set? Hate to break it to you, but I don't care. I only care about Anna."

"That's..." Hans put his hand over his eyes. "I'm not trying to extort help out of you. I don't want--can we start over?"

Kristoff raised his eyebrows. "I dunno, I'm kind of enjoying watching you dig yourself deeper."

Hans took a deep breath and slid his palm down his face. "Okay." He peeked out at Kristoff through his fingers. "I'm sorry. This is kind of what I was talking about."

Kristoff smirked. "You have all the social graces except talking to people?"

Hans straightened up and crossed his arms irritably. "I'm much better at it when I'm lying to them."

That was... unexpected.

Kristoff frowned. _Mostly_ unexpected. "I'm sorry," he said carefully, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

Hans sighed. "Please understand," he said, "I _do_ love her. That part _isn't_ a lie."

"I'm starting to believe you," Kristoff said, irritated.

Hans looked confused for a moment, then shrugged. "Right. Well, the problem is that it _was_ a lie. Until recently." He sighed deeper. "I didn't come here to fall in love. I came here because I wanted to take over the kingdom."

Kristoff stared at him for a long few seconds. _"What?"_ he finally managed to spit.

"Oh come on," Hans said. "I'm the thirteenth son of the King of the Southern Isles. I want to be king some day, and I'm hardly going to get lucky enough to see all twelve of my brothers dead of natural or unnatural causes." He tilted his head and frowned. "Also, Chris has a couple of kids, so really--"

"Uh," Kristoff said, suddenly realizing he was listening to a discourse on fratricide from a guy whose hand had been on his dick. "Seriously?"

Hans waved his hand irritably. "I was never really considering it," he said, like that was supposed to be comforting. "But you know, Arendelle had two princesses and no other royal family worth mentioning, so it seemed a lot easier to break into."

Kristoff's head was spinning. "Why the heck are you telling me all this?"

"Because I need your help," Hans said. Yelped. Something.

Kristoff stared at him. "With... taking over..."

"No!" Hans ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "That's what I'm trying to--I fell in love with her. I came here to try and take over the throne, and I took advantage of, well, of a lot of things, and then I fell in love with Anna. And I don't want to be that person any more." Hans crossed his arms over his chest and suddenly looked... small. "But I don't know how to be anyone else."

There was a moment of silence as Kristoff worked that over in his head and tried to come up with a way to clarify the situation without being offensive. "You want me to teach you how to be a better person," was what he finally came up with.

"Yes," Hans said quickly. He looked up, hopeful. "Can you do that?"

"Uh," Kristoff said. "I have no idea? I mean... are you still trying to take the throne away from Elsa?"

Hans frowned thoughtfully. "Not _from Elsa_ specifically, but if it's on offer--" Something in Kristoff's expression made him stop talking. "Uh, I mean, it's a lot lower on my priority list." He watched as Kristoff struggled to come up with a response, and finally asked, "How is that still the wrong answer?"

Okay, that he could answer. "Because the correct answer is 'No, no I am no longer interested in taking over Arendelle, I have realized the error of my ways.'"

Hans didn't look convinced. "But what if something happened to Queen Elsa, and I was married to Anna, and then--"

"Okay, woah," Kristoff said, holding up his hands. "One, don't talk about 'something happening' to the Queen in that creepy blame-denying passive voice. Two, maybe you shouldn't talk about marrying Anna until you have this whole lack-of-moral compass thing straightened out."

Hans rolled his eyes. "I wasn't talking about a plausibly-deniable 'accident,'" he said, "I was talking about a real tragedy. Don't you have contingency planning in Arendelle?"

"I don't know," Kristoff said, "Do all your contingency plans involve figuring out how you can walk out with more power?"

Hans gave him another one of those creepy I-don't-see-what-is-wrong-with-my-plans looks. "Yours don't?"

"No," Kristoff clarified. "And that's why you came to me for advice."

"Hunh." Hans appeared to be giving that real thought for the first time in his life, which was both encouraging and a little terrifying. "Right."

Kristoff waited for him to think that over for a minute, then carefully asked, "So what are you going to tell Anna?"

"Oh, I don't know." Hans sighed and collapsed back into the chair. "I've been playing this perfect Prince Charming role almost since we met. I don't know if I can keep that up until I'm better at this."

No wonder he'd come off as creepy, Kristoff was quick enough not to say out loud. "You should tell her the truth."

Hans' head snapped up. "You're kidding."

"No," Kristoff said, "Most people when they love one another don't lie about these things."

"My instincts say that telling her is a terrible idea."

Kristoff rolled his eyes. "You're here because your instincts are horrible. We just proved that."

"We proved that you think my instincts are horrible," Hans corrected him, then sighed and relented, "Which I guess is as good a measurement as any. But I still think it's a bad idea."

"Dude, just..." Kristoff tried to encompass all of Hans' previous bad ideas with a gesture. "All this stuff, if she loves you she'll forgive you and you'll work it out, but she has to love you for you. Not someone you're pretending to be."

Hans frowned. "But that's who I want to be."

Kristoff felt equal measures incredulous and disappointed. "Really?"

"But..." Hans stared at him, confused. "Isn't it?"

Kristoff was coming to the depressing conclusion that Hans' problem wasn't so much being a bad person as it was not having any idea who or what a good person _was._ "Look," he said, "Being a good person isn't about being nice all the time, not really. It's about caring what other people think, wanting people to be happy, and safe, and genuinely listening when someone talks to you, and that kind of stuff. It's not about being funny and charming and totally okay with suddenly having a threesome."

Hans opened his mouth to say something, then frowned. "But that last one is okay, right?"

"Oh, yeah, it's fine," Kristoff said, "It's just--yesterday was weird, okay."

"Right." Hans was still frowning in thought. "Okay, that whole 'genuinely listening, wanting people to be happy' thing. That doesn't apply to _everyone,_ does it?"

"Uhh," Kristoff said. "I think the more people you can think of that way, the better a person you are."

Hans didn't look happy about that. "I can barely think that way about people I actually care about," he said, "And that's a really short list. I mean, that's Anna, and, uh, you."

"I'm..." Kristoff said, trying to find an appropriate word. Confused? Terrified? "Touched?"

Hans sighed.

"No, really, uh, that's... nice," Kristoff said. "I'm glad. I mean... yeah, I care about you, too." Otherwise why was he even bothering with this whole conversation?

"Oh," Hans said. "Thanks."

And there came the uncomfortable realization that probably not very many people had said anything like that to Hans before. Or at least, Kristoff thought, not when Hans hadn't been playing some kind of manipulative part.

Kristoff swallowed that awkward mixture of pity and disgust and concern. "So... yeah," he said. "You need to tell her something. Maybe not all of it, but... tell her."

Hans' shoulders slumped. "I'll consider it," he said, but he didn't sound enthusiastic. He looked up and caught Kristoff's eye again. "Thank you."

Kristoff shrugged. "Well, you were nice enough to explain you _weren't_ trying to extort help out of me. What could I say?"

That got an embarrassed grin out of him. "I had actually been planning on offering some kind of repayment, but I got a little distracted."

Kristoff laughed. "Like what?"

"Well," Hans said, "I could teach you French."

"Ah, the language of love," Kristoff said, "Or at least _baiser."_

Hans blinked, but just grinned wider. "At least in my experience," he said. Then he stood and crossed the room, circling close enough that they were nearly touching. "Or," he said in a lower voice, "I could offer other services in exchange..."

Part of Kristoff's brain--the higher functioning part, the part that had just been in conversation with Hans about what a good person was and how Hans didn't understand that--was screaming at him that this was a terrible idea and to shut it down, now. The back part of Kristoff's brain, on the other hand, the part that controlled his dick, was sitting up and remembering that Hans looked just fine with his clothes off and was a terrific kisser and had mentioned that tongue thing at the end there. And that he had really nice fingers, which were even now removing Kristoff's belt.

"Yyyyyyyyeah," that part of Kristoff's brain said, "We never did get around to trying... things, did we."

"There's always time to try," Hans said, and then Hans was down on his knees and Kristoff's dick was hard, hey, just like that. And then there went his pants and Hans' clever, dexterous fingers were running up the backs of Kristoff's legs to cup his ass.

"Oh, that's right," Hans said, "I forgot." He looked up and fluttered his eyelashes bashfully. "I have to ask permission before touching you."

"It's..." Kristoff's brain supplied slowly, "Polite..."

"Oh, yes," Hans said. He leaned his cheek against Kristoff's thigh and exhaled, warm and hungry, hot air all along the length of Kristoff's prick and _oh dammit._ "Please?"

"Yes, yes, fuck it, _yes,"_ Kristoff said with a little more force than was probably necessary but it got Hans' hands around his dick and that was _fuck_ wonderful what he'd been waiting for.

And then Hans opened his mouth and leaned forward. His tongue came up on the underside of Kristoff's dick, and then his lips were around the head of his cock, and _damn,_ just damn.

Hans started stroking Kristoff's dick firmly and confidently as he sucked on the tip, because multitasking was apparently his thing. Like he was fucking showing off. Kristoff suddenly had a vivid fantasy of pinning Hans down on the bed and fucking him, holding his arms overhead and pressing him down until he couldn't move, and he threw his head back and groaned. "Fuuuuck."

Hans hummed and mumbled something around his dick. Kristoff shook his head without looking. "You weren't kidding about being harder to understand with your mouth full."

Hans pulled his mouth away briefly and chuckled. "Just being appreciative," he said, then licked, hot tongue slick and insistent over sensitive flesh, and Kristoff felt a keening noise start somewhere in his throat. "Doing my best with--mmm--nonverbal communication."

Then he went back to sucking, and while he couldn't get a lot of Kristoff's dick in his mouth--not many people could--he was so enthusiastic about it that it wasn't too long before Kristoff was right on the edge, holding off his orgasm with sheer willpower alone. He was about to warn Hans when there was a sudden coolness as Hans pulled his mouth away and asked, "You're close?"

"Nnnnnnnng, dammit, _yes--"_

"Wonder if I can still do this," Hans muttered to himself, then tilted his head back and leaned in again. And this time when he sucked Kristoff's cock into his mouth, he pushed forward and swallowed, and Kristoff _felt_ that, felt his dick start sliding into Hans' throat, and unbelieving he caught his breath as Hans pulled his hand off the last few inches of his dick and swallowed the rest of him down into tight wet heat.

"Fuck," Kristoff said, dazed. He didn't dare move.

After a second Hans pulled off and took a few panting breaths, then grinned. "Well, I haven't forgotten how that works."

"You're gonna hurt yourself," Kristoff said.

Hans raised an arch eyebrow. "Don't get too impressed with yourself, now."

"I didn't mean--" Kristoff scowled as Hans grinned again. "Fuck you, don't stop."

"That's more like it." Hans winked--winked!--at him and opened his mouth again. And this time Kristoff let himself thrust into Hans' throat, and Hans moaned and just took it, hands curling on Kristoff's hips and urging him forward. And when Kristoff came, Hans stayed with his nose buried in Kristoff's pubic hair until Kristoff staggered backwards and sat down on his bare ass, hard.

Hans coughed, grinned, and said, "And you were worried about me getting hurt."

"Fuuuuck," Kristoff said.

Hans chuckled and inched over to his side, then sat down and leaned into him with a groan. "So," he said, "Worth some lessons?"

It took Kristoff a good few seconds to remember what Hans was talking about. "Sure," he said, then with a huge burst of effort reached out and bodily dragged Hans into his lap where he could reach. "Or I could just return the favor..."

"Uh," Hans said as Kristoff worked at unbuttoning his pants. Why the fuck did royal pants have like a thousand buttons on them? "I don't think you understand the concept of-- _fuck,"_ he cut himself off as Kristoff got his hand down his pants.

"Oh," Kristoff said as he fumbled Hans' underwear out of the way, "I understand the concept of fuck just fine."

Hans had a nice dick, Kristoff was reminded as he got his hand around it. He'd never been interested in judging on size, especially since it usually seemed really unfair in comparison, so all he was going on was how nice Hans' dick felt in his hand, which was really, really nice. Hans squirmed around so he was sitting in Kristoff's lap facing him, legs spread to either side and eyes half-lidded in pleasure or concentration. "Well," he purred, then leaned forward to nip at Kristoff's neck. "I _do_ appreciate the consideration."

"Shut up," Kristoff said, sliding his fingers more firmly around Hans' dick and starting to stroke. "I liked the noises you made when you came. Wanna hear that again."

"Oh," Hans said, and he sounded _surprised._ Kristoff leaned into him and worked his wrist faster, like maybe more friction would make his words sink in better. "Ohhhhh," Hans moaned, and sagged boneless into Kristoff's shoulder, sighing into his ear.

"Mmmm, gotcha," Kristoff said.

"Y-yeah," Hans said. He turned his head so that he was breathing against Kristoff's neck. _"Oh,_ yes."

It just felt good, dreamlike; the rug he'd landed on was cozy, he was still half-hard and buzzing from afterglow, and Hans was actually relaxing, giving himself over to Kristoff's hands. Kristoff wondered if this was a new thing, or if Hans only ever relaxed during sex; though probably if he'd been this trusting during his Paris sex trip he'd have figured out being intimate with people a lot earlier.

So maybe this was special.

Kristoff turned his head and nuzzled Hans' hair, which still smelled really nice--sort of like soap, but also like clean skin and exertion. He pressed his lips to Hans' temple, and when Hans pulled back to look muzzily at him, dipped his head to press another kiss to Hans' mouth.

Hans' return kiss was... distracted. Urgent. Kristoff grinned and leaned back on his free hand, giving himself a little more room to work his fingers on Hans' shaft. Hans moaned deep in his throat and rocked his hips into Kristoff's hand.

"Yeah, like that," Kristoff said, sliding his fingers faster up and down on Hans' prick. "C'mon."

Hans had his hands on Kristoff's shoulders for balance; he dug his fingers in hard and gasped as he came. Kristoff loosened his grip and Hans sank back onto his legs, arms falling to his sides.

Some of Hans' semen had landed on Kristoff's hand; he licked his fingers clean of pleasantly salty-bitter-smoky stuff and then sat back and sighed, content. "Well."

Hans was staring at him, a bit goofy with afterglow. "Well."

Kristoff enjoyed Hans' post-orgasmic expression for a moment, then nodded at his legs. "You're sitting on my pants."

"Right, right." Hans grabbed his own waistband and staggered to his feet. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." Kristoff was faster at getting dressed than Hans was, even giving him a head start. He was starting to think all that nice clothing was a disadvantage.

"So," he said, and Hans looked over at him sharply. "Just think about what I said, okay? About telling her?"

Hans sighed expressively. "I'll think about it," he said. Then he quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Were you going to tell her about this?"

Oh. Uh.

"Yyyyyyyes?" Kristoff finally said.

Hans shrugged and smoothed out the front of his coat. "Just something to think about," he said, and on what really was a great exit line, strode to the door.

"Right," Kristoff said to himself. "Hans still doesn't know how to talk without sounding like he's making a threat. Or a deal." He scrubbed at his face with his hands. "Maybe make that lesson two."


	3. A Springlike Turn in Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anna absorbs some unfortunate truths, Hans admits culpability, and Kristoff gets judged, unfairly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're taking a bit of a break from the porn for some plot in the next couple chapters. Don't worry, there's plenty of sexy times ahead!

For the next few days, Anna was so happy it was unreal.

First off, there was the castle. The gates stayed open, and people kept coming in--and okay, most of them were there for official business with Elsa, but... people! In the castle!

And then there was Elsa. Elsa was no longer shutting herself away in her room, she was out and about and doing Queenly things, and whenever she had free time she'd make sure to stop and check that Anna was okay, and they sometimes had whole hours to just talk and hug and throw snowballs at each other and catch up on all those missing years. Anna was so bursting with happiness that she didn't even mind the sidelong glances that Elsa was giving Kristoff and Hans--

And _then_ there was Kristoff _and_ Hans. And both of them loved her, and they didn't get angry or jealous or _anything._ It was perfect.

For a couple of days, anyway.

The first thing that made her feel like not everything was going to be perfect forever was when she went to talk with Elsa about the thank you she wanted to give Kristoff, and the new sled and new job and all that, and found Elsa talking with Father Johannes in the chapel. Which was normal and fine, except for the way they both broke off and looked awkward when Anna came in, like they were talking about her.

"Uh, Father Johannes, I just was going to talk with Elsa about something..." Anna said, feeling a bit like she had when she was ten and Father Johannes had caught her scribbling dragons in the margins of her prayer book.

"Anna," Father Johannes said. "I'd like to speak with you. Do you have a few minutes?"

"Um... sure?" Anna said. She turned to Elsa, who was looking at Father Johannes with an expression that wasn't quite a frown. "Elsa, um, can we talk after?"

"Of course," Elsa said. She glided past Anna toward the door, stopping to give her a sisterly pat on the arm first.

"Please, your highness," Father Johannes said. He gestured toward a pew. "Come sit with me."

Anna was tall enough that her feet didn't swing under the hard wooden seat like they used to, but in all other respects she was feeling like a child again. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"That's actually what I wanted to ask you, Anna," he said. "How have you been, these last few days?"

"Great!" she said, somewhat surprised. "I mean, since Elsa got better and the castle has been open--why? Do I look bad?"

Father Johannes put a hand up and smiled reassuringly. "No, it's not that. How about your... companions?"

Oh. "You mean... Hans and Kristoff?"

"Yes, your highness."

Father Johannes was using that voice again, the one that he used when he tried to teach Anna about propriety and proper bearing and all those things she needed to remember when being A Princess instead of just Anna.

Ohhhh.

"We're, um, happy," Anna said, more quietly.

Father Johannes just waited. After an awkward moment, Anna blurted, "I know, I know that I should have waited to, uh, have sex with the man I get married to, but it was special circumstances! I thought I was going to die!" She caught Father Johannes' expression and clarified, "I mean, we thought it would fix it--fix the curse, I mean. And it worked! It sort of worked! Not just--"

"Your highness," Father Johannes said, and he sounded slightly choked, "No one here has thought of criticizing your actions."

"Oh," Anna said, relieved. "Good."

"What's past is past," he said, "And our only concern is with your well-being."

That sounded good, but for some reason she felt nervous all over again. "Good..."

He sighed. "Anna, you're not just a young woman, you're the royal princess of Arendelle," he said. "Your actions reflect on the royal family and on the crown."

Oh. "Oh," she repeated out loud, feeling her shoulders edge up toward her ears.

"We have all had an exciting few days," Father Johannes continued. "But you should really start considering who you are going to marry."

Anna stared at him for a moment. "What?" she finally asked.

"Your highness," he said, and he seemed to be putting extra emphasis on her title again. "You are a young woman being... courted by two handsome young men. It is only natural to enjoy yourself. But you have responsibilities. You and your children will be heirs to the throne if anything happens to your sister."

Anna's stomach gave a little lurch when Father Johannes said 'children', and she hoped it was just gas and not portentousness.

"Please understand." Father Johannes gently put his hand on Anna's. "The line of the royal family of Arendelle needs legitimate heirs. Your sister will be seeking a suitable match herself, but it may be difficult for her to find someone."

Anna scowled. "Who wouldn't want to marry Elsa? She's perfect!"

He hesitated, briefly, then continued without addressing her point. "There are costs to the entire people of Arendelle from a fight over legitimacy, do you understand?"

"I think so," she said. "You're saying if I have a baby out of wedlock it's not just bad for the baby and me, it could start a war." She sighed. "That's not fair."

"I don't think it will come to that, your highness," Father Johannes said, sounding relieved that she'd said it before he had to. "But given the circumstances, the sooner you marry your young man, the better."

Anna's heart sank suddenly. She'd known somewhere in the back of her mind that she needed to think about marriage. And she'd known that marriage meant choosing someone to have and to hold for the rest of her life. But she hadn't quite put together that it meant choosing Hans _or_ Kristoff, and maybe saying goodbye to the other one forever.

She tried to imagine being married to Hans and just friends with Kristoff, or the other way around, and she wound up just feeling sad and a little bit resentful. "But... how am I supposed to choose just one of them?" she asked.

Father Johannes smiled reassuringly. "You have a good heart, your highness," he said. "Let your heart guide you."

Anna scowled. "My heart wants both of them."

That seemed to set him back slightly. "Ah," he said. "Well. Perhaps you should think about the qualities you want in a husband, not just a... companion."

"You mean like..." Anna bit her lip. "Like loyalty and fidelity and all that?"

"Yes," Father Johannes said. "I don't know this Kristoff very well, but Prince Hans was very helpful and gracious during the, ah, recent emergency." When she didn't say anything, he continued, "And there's his family to consider."

"That just seems so unfair to Kristoff, though," Anna said. "I mean, he did save my life."

Father Johannes took her hand in both of his. "I'm here to advise you, your highness," he said. "And as an adviser to your spiritual as well as your physical well-being, let me assure you that evil comes into your life when you strive for what you want while failing to consider the effects of your actions on others."

Anna sank down in the pew and sighed, letting her hand curl naturally around Father Johannes'. He was right, she knew he was right, and yet...

"I'll think about it," she promised. "Really hard."

"Good," he reassured her. "And please, come to me if you ever need to talk."

Anna wanted to talk, but somehow, discussing the merits of Kristoff versus Hans with Father Johannes seemed like the absolute worst idea possible. Especially since the only time she'd been able to compare them directly they'd all been, well, naked.

Really naked.

Trying hard not to think about that and worried she was blushing obviously, she bid a hasty goodbye to Father Johannes and went to go find her sister.

How was she even supposed to compare the two of them? They didn't have much in common besides her. And, she realized suddenly, she'd been spending time with both of them, but only separately. It wasn't that they didn't get along, it was that... well, they were so different. She felt like a different person around Hans than she did around Kristoff, somehow, and the two of them at the same time meant she felt kind of unbalanced.

Which was weird, because that first time she'd been with them had been anything but unbalanced, but she didn't exactly want to freeze to death to make something like that happen again. Not that she even knew how to ask for something like that, really--Hans had made it sound so _reasonable,_ but every time she thought she might be able to ask, or even talk about it, she got tongue-tied. And that just wasn't _fair._ She wanted to talk to them about it, either of them or both, about the way Hans' tongue had felt against all of those sensitive places or the way she'd felt safe and scared and happy and terrified when she was being held by both of them and Hans was inside of her, or the way Kristoff's mouth and hands had felt on her breasts, or the way they'd all been so excited when she'd finally sank all the way down on Kristoff's... er, staff. Or the way that she wanted to try all of that again, and maybe some of the other things that Hans had been hinting at. Or the way she wanted to practice at least _saying_ all those things so she didn't feel like a fool rubbing her thighs together and unable to open her mouth.

And, uh, how all of that was probably not what Father Johannes wanted her to be thinking about while she considered marrying one of them.

Which was tricky, because part of her brain had been thinking about almost nothing but sex since the day they'd all... well, saved her life, amongst other things. Many other pleasant things.

And spending time with either Kristoff or Hans alone seemed to make it awkward to bring up sex, because it didn't seem fair to the one she wasn't with, and besides, they both seemed kind of distracted with something.

Which was now also worrying her.

Elsa was back in her room. Anna knocked and almost melted in relief when Elsa opened her door right away.

"Hey," Elsa said. "Sorry to leave you there, but Father Johannes was really insistent on talking to you alone... everything okay?"

"Sort of," Anna said. "Mostly. I think? Can we..."

"Come on in," Elsa said, and that was still a new sensation which Anna was determined to enjoy. She stepped inside and spun in place for a moment, then took the chair across from Elsa at the fireplace.

"Okay, so, Father Johannes thinks I should get married, and I think he's right, but I don't know what to do," Anna explained.

Elsa nodded slowly. "I told him that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," she said. "And you don't. If you're happy, you shouldn't have to rush into anything." She hesitated, then asked, "Are you? Happy?"

"Yes!" Anna said then thought about it for a second. "I mean, yes, most of the time? Sometimes I worry about--well, I worry about Hans and Kristoff and what I'm going to do, but I was already worrying about that occasionally, but I mean, most of the time I'm not thinking about them. I'm spending time with you, or with them, and it's not like worrying about boys is everything I do all day."

Elsa's face broke into a relieved smile. "Good."

Anna chewed on her lip. "I mean, I know I have to choose, but... I was kind of hoping to put that off as long as possible."

"Sure," Elsa said.

"I mean, at least until we have a chance to have sex again," Anna continued.

Elsa froze, then carefully asked, "Oh?"

"I mean, it was great," Anna said, then frowned again, because that wasn't all of it. "I was terrified, but they were both being so _nice,_ and it felt really good, and I want to do it again. But I don't know how to bring it up, and they're both being really cagey about it, so maybe they think I'm not interested? When I really really am, and I just don't know how to tell them that."

"Ahhhhhhhhh," Elsa said. "Yeah, that's... not something I have any experience with."

"Oh." Suddenly mortified, Anna clapped her hands to her mouth as though she could un-blurt that last minute or so of words. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Elsa said, "I just... feel a bit awkward having to think about my little sister having... having sex. With, um."

Anna shrunk as far as she could in her chair. "Yeah."

"They both seem like nice men," Elsa said cautiously.

"They are," Anna said, and sighed. "Hans is just so amazing, it's like he really understands me without even trying. And he's so sophisticated and well-traveled and talented and, uh..." she was blushing again, she knew it. "And he... has really good ideas. And, uh." She was having trouble coming up with a sentence that wasn't about Hans' tongue. That wasn't something she wanted to say. Out loud. To her sister.

And she didn't want to discuss how it had felt to have Hans leaning over her and reassuring her while she was in Kristoff's arms, the freezing air in her lungs mingling with the heat of his breath, the sudden shock of his warmth on top of and suddenly inside her--

She'd been staring at the fire and not saying anything for a while, she noticed, and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, sorry, I mean, I knew it was true love when we met."

"So you did," Elsa said. "And... Kristoff?"

"Oh, well, he's terrific," Anna said, "He's so capable and tough and supportive and he puts on this growly show like he likes being alone but he's actually a big cuddly gentle guy, and he's really conscientious and careful, and he's really..."

Elsa was looking at her kind of nervously again, so Anna swallowed and said, "I know he's not, like, a nobleman or anything, he's just an ice merchant, but he's really great... and I thought that, y'know, as a reward for... for helping me during all this stuff, you know, service to the royal throne and all that, maybe we could give him something? I mean, I already owe him a new sled, but I was thinking we could give him a royal position, maybe with a title?"

Elsa just stared at her.

Anna smiled weakly and squeaked, "Nothing too fancy, I just--"

"No, that's a good idea," Elsa reassured her. "Did you have something in mind?"

So when Anna dragged Kristoff to the square to show off the sled she'd promised him, she also had his shiny new appointment as Arendelle's Royal Ice Master and Deliverer all sorted, complete with medal of office. She hoped that would help her get her nerve up to ask about the sex, because it wasn't like she was expecting it as some kind of trade or anything, but maybe having something good to share would make it easier to share more. She hoped.

But instead of being thrilled like she'd expected, Kristoff turned to her and very seriously said, "Anna, I can't accept this."

Anna blinked, then pouted. "I promised to replace your sled and everything in it. That's a royal promise, Kristoff, I can't back down."

"Uh..." Kristoff looked over at the sled, and Sven, who was looking unimpressed at his magnanimity. "Wow. That's amazing, and I--that's not what I have a problem with, so--thank you. But we need to talk."

Well, that tone of voice was super-serious. Apparently she wasn't the only one who'd noticed the issues they'd been skirting around. She helped him put his new sled into storage and took him to the gardens, where they could sit in the shade while Sven nibbled lichen and moss off the trees.

"So," Kristoff said after looking in every direction except towards her, "Has Hans talked with you about... why he came to Arendelle?"

"What? Don't be silly," Anna said. "He came to Arendelle for my sister's coronation."

Kristoff grimaced. "Ah. I'll take that as a no, then."

"What's going on?" She scooted closer to him, and he just looked more upset. "Kristoff?"

"I... had kind of a weird conversation with Hans the other day," he said. "And I don't, like... I told him he should tell you what we talked about, but apparently he hasn't?"

"I don't think so?" Anna said. "What's all this about?"

Kristoff hemmed and hawed for a moment before saying, "Hans admitted that he'd lied about some stuff. To you. And he wanted my advice on fixing that. I told him that he should tell you about it--"

"What do you mean, he was lying to me?" Anna felt like her stomach was dropping to her toes. She should be angry, shouldn't she? She just felt confused and numb. "About what?"

"Uhh..." Kristoff winced again. "About... coming to Arendelle... he said he was too far from the throne back home, so he wanted to marry in somewhere he had a better shot of being king."

Anna stared at him for a long, stomach-churning moment, as all her earlier thoughts about marriage and Father Johannes' suggestions slammed straight into Kristoff's statement. "Okay, first off, that doesn't even make sense," she said. "Marrying the queen doesn't make you a king, it makes you a prince consort. And two, I'm not even queen, Elsa is."

"Right," Kristoff said reluctantly. "I think he was sort of figuring on... uh, other things."

"Like what?" Anna snapped, then said, "Never mind, this is... that's ridiculous. Hans didn't have some evil scheme, he came here for the coronation and we fell in love."

Kristoff took a deep breath. "He told me," he said, "That he fell in love with you... later."

"Later." Something bitter and ugly-tasting was rising in the back of Anna's throat. "Later than what?"

"Later than... you fell in love with him?" Kristoff awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck. "I mean, he wasn't really clear on that part..."

"This is ridiculous!" Anna said. Kristoff stopped scratching and stared at her. "It's stupid! I can't believe... I can't believe you'd say something like that!"

She finally figured out what it was she was feeling. Disappointment. Everything had been almost perfect, it had been _great,_ and now Kristoff was _ruining_ it. By trying to keep her from marrying Hans, which was looking like a better and better idea by the moment.

"Anna, no," he said, holding up his hands. "I didn't want to be the one to say this, but he hasn't said anything, and--"

"I don't want to hear it," she said. "You know--you're jealous, that's it, you're jealous that we were together first--"

"No," Kristoff said, and now he sounded angry, "You know that's not true. I'm just worried about you--"

"What, because you 'don't trust my judgment'?" Anna snapped, throwing his own words back in his face. "Because I got engaged to a guy I just met? Well, you've _met_ Hans, now, so you know I love him--"

"I don't doubt that you love him!" Kristoff said. "I know you love him! I know he loves you! I'm just--augh!" He threw himself down on the grass next to Sven, who whuffed at his hair worriedly. "I shouldn't have said anything. I just wanted you to know what we talked about." He petted Sven on the head for a moment, then grimaced and admitted, "Also that we... fooled around a bit."

Anna frowned. "What?"

Kristoff sighed again and looked into her eyes. "We had sex," he said.

For a moment, while she tried to figure out exactly what he meant, everything was normal. Then it felt like the world flipped upside-down. "Wait," she said, "So Hans is a lying liar who lied to me, but you decided to have sex with him... what," she said, shaking slightly, "To keep him away from me? To protect me somehow? Or because lying isn't that bad, as long as there's also sex? What am I missing?"

"I just wanted to be honest with you," Kristoff said miserably.

"Well, you screwed it up!" Anna snapped, and turned and ran off before she started crying.

She ran into the castle, ducked through a side passage, snuck up to the roof, and curled up in one of her favorite hiding spots, up on the balcony where people standing below couldn't see her. That's where Hans found her, tucked up with her chin on her knees and fuming. "Anna?" he asked gently, kneeling beside her. "What's wrong?"

Anna looked up into the honest concern in his expression, and suddenly everything Kristoff said seemed ludicrous. "Nothing," she said. "It's just... Kristoff said something and it's bothering me."

"What did he say?" Hans sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against his chest.

"He's jealous," she said. The word fit, even though it made her feel sick. "He's just--he's saying that you're lying to me, he's saying that you're using me, and he's just making stuff up."

Hans didn't say anything for a long moment, and she could tell he was disappointed. Of course he was disappointed, he'd tried so hard to make Kristoff feel welcome, and now this was happening and she didn't know what she was going to do. "Oh," he finally said.

"I know," she sighed. "I just wanted all of us to be okay, and... now this."

"What _exactly_ did he say?" Hans asked, sounding slightly apprehensive.

Anna shook her head. "I don't want--"

"Hey, I grew up with twelve brothers, I've probably been accused of worse," he reassured her.

Anna put her hands over her face. "He said you only came to Arendelle and proposed to me because you wanted to be king--and I _told_ him that doesn't make sense because even if you married Elsa, prince consort and king aren't the same thing--"

"Heh," Hans said.

"Yeah," she said miserably. "And then he said something about you not falling in love with me--which is ridiculous, it was _true love,_ we talked for hours and hours and we had everything in common--"

"Right," Hans agreed softly.

"And all that--what, just because he's mad that we were together first? Because he knows I have to marry one of you, and he doesn't want it to be you?" She threw up her hands angrily, then wrapped her arms around her knees. "And then... he said that you guys had sex, without me--"

"Uh," Hans said.

"Because right, apparently you're a liar and a cheat and a manipulator, but sex is okay?" She shook her head. "I don't even know. I'm just--I don't know why he'd say something like that."

There was a long silence as Hans took all that in. A really long silence. After a while, Anna looked over and tried to read his expression. "Hans?"

He looked over at her, and she got the feeling he was... holding his breath, or something. "Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing, I just..." he pulled his arm back from her shoulders, rubbed his palm nervously against his knee, and said, "What if it's true?"

"What do you mean?" she said quickly, then blinked at him. "Wait. What do you..."

"Uh," he said, "Just... I mean, if it's true, would you be angry?"

"Would I?" She turned so she could look at him better. "Would I be angry if you lied to me? If you were trying to use me to--to get to the throne for a plan that doesn't make sense?"

"There's precedent for a prince consort to take the crown, it's happened lots of places," Hans muttered, almost to himself.

For a moment she couldn't figure out what he was saying, and then it struck her like a bolt of ice. "You... what?"

"I didn't--" he held up his hands. "I wasn't going to hurt anyone. I just--"

"You lied to me?" Her heart was thudding in her throat, and she'd pushed away from him, just to give herself some distance, just so she could try and see him properly--

He was still holding up his hands defensively, his white gloves smudged with dirt from the balcony floor. "I did fall in love with you," he said. "I'm sorry."

"But you lied about it being true love at first sight," she said, feeling sick. "You only wanted to marry me for my title--"

"I didn't _know_ you--" he protested.

"Didn't I know _you?"_ she snapped. "We talked for hours, we had everything in common..." something else occurred to her. "Unless... you were lying to me _then--"_

"Uh," he said awkwardly.

"You didn't even mean anything you said that night, did you?" she whispered. "You seduced me and tried to get me to marry you and got me to--" suddenly her throat closed up and she couldn't even say it.

"Anna, _please,"_ he said, reaching out a hand to touch her. She pushed him away and he just stared at her.

"Was everything Kristoff told me true?" Anna asked, and even she was surprised by how hateful she sounded, but she couldn't stop.

"Please," Hans said again, "Please don't hate me--"

"Answer the question," she growled.

He finally looked away. "Yes."

It felt as though her heart stopped. For a long time, all she could do was stare at him.

"Even the sex?" Anna finally blurted out.

Hans looked up at her again, hesitantly. "Y-yeah?"

_"Why?"_

"Oh," he said, looking away, "That was my fault. Idea. My idea. I talked him into it, sort of."

"Why?" she repeated, feeling slightly ill.

"Because sex..." He still wasn't looking at her. "People are funny about sex. It makes them change their minds. It makes them not want to talk. It makes it easier to convince people that you're right. I just thought I could convince him to not tell you anything."

Anna put two and two together and got angry. "'The act of love,'" she quoted. "You didn't even think it would work, you just wanted to shut us up?"

"It did work," he pointed out infuriatingly.

"But you _lied to me,"_ she said. Yelled. Her voice was definitely getting louder.

"Anna, please," Hans said, finally looking at her again, eyes wide. "Please, I didn't know what to do, I fell in love with you and didn't know how to stop lying and start telling the truth. I thought--I thought I could control this, or tell you better, somehow, or just make it go away and not hurt you--"

"Well, you screwed it up!" Anna yelled, head spinning with fury and deja vu all at once. She threw herself to her feet and ran inside, leaving him sitting on the floor.

Everything, she thought as she stomped toward her room, had been completely ruined.

No, she thought as she paused briefly outside Elsa's door, not _everything._ Tenative, not even sure if Elsa was _in_ her room or if she was out doing royal... things, Anna tapped on the door.

"Who is it?" Elsa asked, and Anna's throat nearly closed up with relief.

"It's Anna," she said, trying not to sound as upset and grateful and suffering as she felt. "Can I come in?"

There was a pause, and Anna could faintly make out the clicking of Elsa's shoes on the floor. Then the door was thrown wide and her sister was smiling at her. "Of course. For you, my door is always open," she said. Then she frowned, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Everyth-- _Almost_ everything," Anna amended. "I..."

Elsa pulled her inside and shut the door, and maybe her voice had given her away more than she realized, but as soon as she was inside Anna burst into tears.

Elsa's hand was a firm guide on her elbow, and sobbing softly Anna followed her sister to the window and sat and buried her face in a hankie. When she looked up from crying, Elsa was sitting next to her with a hand on her shoulder, looking concerned. "What happened, Anna?"

Anna sniffed back tears and a suddenly runny nose. "Hans lied to me and Kristoff was a jerk about it," she finally said.

Elsa didn't say _I told you so_ or do anything except look a little sad. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

So she did. And she got a bit mixed up between Kristoff's stupid explanation and Hans' stupid plan and their stupid stupid sex, but eventually she got the whole story out and Elsa sat there with her mouth set in her Queen Elsa Is Displeased not-quite-frown and patted her on the hand.

"I think," Elsa said, "That it's time for Prince Hans to go home."

Anna felt relieved and sad and confused all at once. She tried to focus on relieved. "Y-yeah." She sniffed again. "He still loves me..."

"He--" Elsa started, then looked sad and softened her voice. "Anna, you get to decide. But I don't like seeing you hurt."

Anna didn't much like _being_ hurt. She sniffed again and tried to figure out what she _wanted._

She wanted everything from this morning to be undone. She wanted Hans to not have lied to her, for Kristoff to not have thrown that in her face like a jealous meanie. She wanted everything back the way that it was except better.

But in the meantime she wanted to never see Prince Hans' stupid face ever again.

"He needs to go home," she said.


	4. An Unseasonal Frost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hans is feeling the results of his actions, Kristoff attempts an offer of reconciliation, and Anna absents herself to let her sister relay the bad news.

Hans had been spending a few days feeling confused, so feeling both sad and blindingly angry at least gave him a sense of focus.

Eventually after his disastrous conversation with Anna, he picked himself up and started walking. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he wanted to get out of the castle before word spread and he was arrested or exiled or whatever a monarch who had just frozen her own country thought would be a suitable punishment for his missteps--crimes. Whatever those turned out to be. He wasn't sure lying to a princess was actually illegal, but Anna might have some ideas.

He wound up down at the stables saddling his horse. He didn't know exactly where he was going--his knowledge of Arendelle geography was limited to the maps he'd read looking for Elsa's hiding place a few nights ago--but he mounted and rode over the causeway and out into the woods. No-one challenged him, yet.

He just wanted to get away.

The woods were dark and deep and quite close to the town. Within minutes he was surrounded by evergreens and undergrowth, the plants having shaken off the few days of sudden winter as though it had never happened. Hans wished he could say the same.

When he was out of sight of the fjord and his temper had cooled off a bit, he dismounted and started pacing. It wasn't _fair._ It wasn't _right._ It wasn't--

He didn't know what it was, but his entire trip to Arendelle had apparently been _wasted._

Angrily, he yanked at a branch of a small evergreen--he had neglected to learn the names of the different kinds of trees in Arendelle, it was one of the spiky green ones--until it snapped off in his hand, then pulled his knife and started paring off twigs and leaves and bark. He wished he could do the same to Kristoff. Or Anna. No, that was horrible. He didn't want to stab them, he wanted to fuck them. Or leave them miserable and alone together. Wait, that didn't even make sense. He didn't know what he wanted, aside from _not feeling like this._

Planning on killing people had sort of gotten him into this mess, he told himself as he whittled the branch to a sharp point. It wouldn't get him out of it.

He should have just lied to her. It would have been so easy--it was right there! She'd already done half his work for him! But then Kristoff would have been disgusted with him and he'd never get to suck on Kristoff's dick again, and that would have been a shame.

Only now, it looked like he wasn't going to get to have sex with either of them again, so telling the truth hadn't worked, either.

Fuck both of them. _Fuck_ both of them.

Dammit.

He heard hoofbeats and turned around in time to see Kristoff riding through the trees on his reindeer. "Oh," Kristoff said, looking uneasily at Hans' hands. "I... heard what happened, sort of."

Hans was still holding onto a knife and a pointed stick, he realized. He forced the fingers of his left hand to let go of the branch and it fell to the ground. "I, uh," he said gingerly, trying to hold his knife less... stabbingly. "I should probably get this sharpened. Later."

Kristoff dismounted, giving his reindeer a wary pat on the nose. "So, you're handling this well."

Holding his knife more stabbingly was an option as well, the indignant part of Hans' mind argued. "Am I?"

"Look, I'm sorry this happened, I really am," Kristoff said, "But I couldn't let you keep lying to her."

Hans took a deep breath. "You couldn't let me?"

"I had to say something."

"You had to?" He wasn't contributing much original material to this conversation so far, he realized. "I thought you wanted to help."

"Wuh--I, uh, no. I wanted to help you not be an asshole. That's different." Kristoff frowned thoughtfully. "Actually, I was kinda proud of you that you 'fessed up and told her."

"Really."

"Yeah," Kristoff said. "I was half-thinking you'd just lie and pin it all on me."

Hans sighed. "For a moment I was going to," he admitted. "But..."

Kristoff waited for a second, then filled in, "But then we'd never have sex again?"

"That was not," Hans lied, "what I was thinking."

"Well." Kristoff scratched at the back of his neck. "Look, I'm sorry she didn't take it well. I wish there was some way we could..." he made a vague, collecting motion with his free hand. "You know."

Hans sighed. He sheathed his knife, finally. "Well, congratulations."

Kristoff frowned. "I wasn't doing this to 'win.' Anna isn't some kind of prize--"

"And yet you won anyway," Hans cut him off. "Funny, that."

Kristoff was scowling at him. "Right. I just wanted to see if you were okay. I know you're mad at me; I can go if you want."

Hans sighed. "I'm only _intermittently_ mad at you. You did warn me." He grinned, even though it kind of hurt. "I just didn't believe you'd go through with it."

Kristoff looked glum. "I couldn't keep lying to her."

"Ha!" Hans grinned again. "It gets easier with practice, you have to work up to it."

"You wanted to stop lying, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Hans said. "Does that get easier with practice, too?"

Kristoff's long pause was answer enough. "Never mind," Hans said, and went over to take the reins of his horse. "Shall we?"

It was almost harder to think on the way back. Having Kristoff there meant he had a focus for his anger, but since he didn't _actually_ want to start stabbing him, it meant he spent a lot of time arguing himself out of being angry.

He wanted to be angry. Angry felt better than hurt.

If this was love, Hans thought grumpily as they rode down the hill toward the town, he had been better off without it. This was stupid. He shouldn't be this upset just because _Anna_ couldn't deal with him lying. Was that all love was? Giving someone else a knife and rolling over to expose your vulnerable spots? A heart-stopping jerk when you realized someone else dying would make your life miserable?

This was so stupid. He shouldn't have fallen in love with her. If that's what this was. He shouldn't have started to care about anyone else. He'd done much better on his own.

Queen Elsa was waiting for them at the stables. One look at her expression and Hans figured he was done. "Don't worry," he said before she could tell him, "I'll go quietly."

"Actually," she said, and her tone made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, "I have some news you need to hear."


	5. A Summer Swelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kristoff gets to execute a good idea, Anna gets off, and Hans gets fucked.

The next week was pretty awkward, Kristoff had to admit.

With the Southern Isles basically quarantined for influenza, Hans couldn't go home. Without money and his family's support, he couldn't really go anywhere else. So he rattled around Arendelle castle, avoiding Anna and avoiding Kristoff and sitting at the window in the library staring off into space and skipping meals.

Kristoff wanted to shake him. He wanted to go to him and say something stupid like, "I'm your friend and I'm worried about you." But friends didn't go behind each others' backs and rat each other out. Kristoff had chosen, and he'd chosen Anna, and except for the spectacularly shitty timing he didn't even feel bad about that.

It made it hard to enjoy any of the time he and Anna were spending together, though.

Though at least he and Anna were spending time together, still. She'd apologized for yelling at him and for not believing him, though Kristoff was willing to give her a pass on that one. They hadn't exactly gotten back to the level of touchy-feelyness that they'd had before, but Kristoff figured Anna could set her own pace on that.

Not to mention that castles? Apparently super-crowded. All the time. Hans had complained once that Arendelle suffered from a massive shortage of staff, but as far as Kristoff was concerned there were way too many people around. Every time they thought they'd found some privacy, there were footsteps outside a door or around a corner and he'd tense up. And okay, maybe Anna was used to ignoring everyone who worked for her family or pretending they didn't exist, but Kristoff didn't have that luxury.

And Anna... Anna was sad, or distracted, or intensely interested in him by turns. They didn't talk about Hans, but Kristoff knew she was thinking about him. He couldn't blame her.

Kristoff was also taking his new sled on his rounds. His cousins weren't helping. "So I hear you and the princess are getting close," Erke said as Kristoff loaded ice from the storehouse onto his sled. "She got you a new job, right?"

"She's... nice," Kristoff finally said.

"Nice," Erke said. He was grinning, that weasel-grin that meant he was looking forward to taking the piss (and maybe the wallet) out of someone. "Nice like she kisses you on the cheek and sends you on your way nice, or nice like she spreads her legs nice?"

"Fuck you," Kristoff said, trying not to blush and wishing desperately that he'd never been on an ice cutting crew with his cousin. Crews got _close_ in the dark of winter, and Erke's comments about his dick had been almost as irritating as Hans'. And his mouth hadn't been nearly as good...

"Well, okay," Erke finally said, smirking. "But 'Royal Ice Master and Deliverer' sounds like a sweet gig to me. That sounds more like the 'spreading legs' kind of nice."

Erke was shorter than Kristoff, and not quite as broad in the shoulders, but he was damn fast. Kristoff kept that in mind as he made the rational decision not to punch him into the ground. "That doesn't really mean anything," he said. "It's to make me look good if I'm ever in the castle and someone important comes along."

"While you're fucking the princess?"

Yes, Kristoff thought. He shook his head. "Fuck you," he said again.

Work kept him busy, sort of, even though Anna couldn't understand why he was doing it even though she'd happily make sure he had enough stuff and money and comforts without ever working. It got him out of the castle and up to the ice storeroom and away from people at least once a day, which made it easier to spend the afternoons doing nothing, attempting to ape Anna's table manners at dinner and sneaking off to cuddle with her and occasionally running into Hans in the hallway and feeling really, really guilty.

So life was a mess, basically.

By the end of the first week, Kristoff felt like he was walking on rotten ice every time he came back to the castle, but it was the only way to see Anna. He loved her almost more than breathing (which was probably why it felt so hard to breathe around her, that made sense) and the awkwardness and the nervousness and the crowding was a price he was willing to pay.

But he was anxious enough that when Hans walked in on the both of them in the library, Kristoff nearly knocked Anna to the floor in alarm.

Hans looked up and seemed surprised to find himself in the same room as them. "Oh," he said, then looked around, then back to the couch where they were cuddling. "Actually, I... kind of wanted to talk to you. Both of you."

Kristoff tightened his arms around Anna reflexively. He realized, after a moment, that this was the same room where they'd... uh... everything, a couple weeks before. The same couch, in fact. "Yeah?" he said, carefully.

Hans took another step into the room, then hesitated when he saw Anna's expression. "I wanted to apologize. For everything."

Anna crossed her arms warily. "Go on."

Hans was taking his time putting his words in order. "Before all this, before I came to Arendelle, before everything with us, before this... news," he flicked his hand gracefully, indicating the information or lack thereof coming out of the Southern Isles, "I thought I was doing okay on my own. That I didn't need anyone else. And I was wrong." He rubbed at his face. "I'm actually terrible at being on my own. I just never had to face it before. I might actually _be_ the heir of the Southern Isles by now, and the thought makes me sick, you know?"

Kristoff winced, a familiar sinking feeling settling behind his ribs. Anna just sighed. "So it's okay when it's someone else's family that gets pushed out of the way, is that it?"

"No," Hans said, like he was surprised she'd asked. "No, I just never thought about it that way before. I mean, I had a pretty screwed up worldview. Just ask Kristoff."

Hans had a worldview where people who were better at things were entitled to take what they wanted from people who weren't as good. Kristoff wasn't quite convinced that was entirely past tense. "We've been working on it," he hedged.

Anna huffed again and leaned back against him. "I trusted you," she said. "And you didn't just lie to me, you planned on lying to me, kept lying, plotted to take the throne--I put Arendelle in your hands because I trusted you!"

"I wouldn't--" Hans winced. "I wanted to be king, but I wanted to be a good king. I didn't want to hurt anyone--"

"Except me and my sister," Anna muttered.

Hans crumpled at that. "I didn't want to hurt you either," he said, "I just thought that it was more important that I win."

Anna didn't move. Hans took a deep breath and said, "I can't change what I did, but I want to try and do better."

When Anna didn't say anything, Hans sighed and then turned to Kristoff. "Sorry I didn't listen to you."

"Sorry for ratting you out," Kristoff said, only a little sorry.

Hans shrugged it off. "You warned me," he said, then turned to go.

"Hans, wait," Anna said suddenly, hopping off Kristoff's lap. Hans stopped, looking hopeful.

"I'm sorry too," Anna said.

Hans laughed, surprised. "What do you have to apologize to me for?"

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't even think about why you were being so nice to me," she said. "I'd just believed for so long that some mystery prince would come sweep me off my feet that I didn't even think you'd have, y'know, your own reasons." She shrugged. "And I'm still mad that you took advantage of me, but you wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't treated you like... like a character in a story, instead of like a person."

Hans thought about that for a moment, then said, "It would have been harder, anyway. I mean, a lot harder."

Anna's mouth twitched into a smirk for a moment, then she want solemn again. "I'm sorry about your family."

"Ah," Hans said awkwardly. "I just wish I knew what was happening, you know? I mean, I keep telling myself it can't be as bad as '65, but..."

"Yeah," Anna said.

Hans opened and closed his hands, then said quietly, "I just wish... I mean, I know you don't want me here, I wish everything wasn't so..."

"I _do--"_ Anna blurted, then slapped a hand across her mouth.

Hans tilted his head and said carefully, "You do...?"

Anna shook her head a couple times, then pulled her hand away and admitted, "I do want you. Here. I mean, I want you to stay. And..." She swallowed. "I want... I want to get to know you again."

The anxious, hopeful look on Hans' face looked genuine to Kristoff. So did the relief and pleasure when Anna stepped forward and hugged him fiercely. Kristoff had made it to his feet and crossed the room almost to them when he realized that Hans might not be so happy with his company, but when he put out a hand Hans grabbed it and held on just as tight.

"We should get out of here," Kristoff said, strangely certain.

Anna and Hans pulled away from each other and stared at him. "What do you mean?" Anna said.

"I mean we, all of us, we should get out of the castle," he said. "It's too busy here. We can't talk."

Anna looked surprised, but didn't seem like she was rejecting the idea out of hand. "Where would we go?"

"Your family has a hunting cabin," Hans said, then shrugged when they both turned to stare at him. "I, uh, was looking at places that Elsa might have gone when she took off after the coronation. It was too far south, as it turns out, but I know where it is."

"Oh, that's right," Anna said. "We haven't used that in... in..."

"It's probably mothballed," Hans said hesitantly.

Kristoff shrugged. "We can bring up some food, spend a few days up there and just... get away from stuff."

"Sounds great," Anna said.

"Yeah," Hans said. "Yeah, that is a good idea."

Kristoff smirked. "I can't let you come up with all the good plans, can I?"

They packed in less than an hour. Queen Elsa came out to see them off, and took Kristoff's elbow to draw him aside. "I don't have to tell you I think this is a bad idea, do I?" she asked.

Kristoff scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. "Yeah, but I think... we need to sort some stuff out, you know?"

Elsa's eyes narrowed. "If anything happens to my sister..."

He swallowed, hard. "I won't. Let anything happen to her, I mean."

"Good." She looked over to where Hans and Anna were piling food and blankets onto Kristoff's sled. "Don't stay out there too long? I don't want to send the palace guard out to drag you back."

Kristoff imagined that scene and winced. "Two nights. At the most."

"All right." Elsa smiled at him in a manner that was probably supposed to be reassuring. "You don't have to prove anything to me, you know. Or to Anna. She loves you, that's enough for me."

_She loves Hans, too,_ Kristoff carefully did not say. "Uh, thank you. Your majesty," he tacked on belatedly.

Elsa rolled her eyes. "And that's the opposite of what I wanted to happen. Just take care, Kristoff." The queen turned to bid her goodbyes to her sister, and Kristoff went to tend to Sven and bury his unease.

Hans was probably mostly not lying, he figured. And if he was going to try something, Kristoff felt like he was going to be able to stop it. And on the other hand, maybe Hans really was in love with Anna, and Anna with Hans, and they needed to be somewhere else to talk it out. And on the third hand--

And on the third hand, what the heck was Kristoff doing trying to set them up? Was he just the biggest idiot in the history of Arendelle, or did he just not figure he deserved to be with a princess?

So it was with slightly lower spirits that he headed out, Hans and Anna on their horses trotting beside the sled, Sven happily heading up into the green hills, wheels creaking under the load of their supplies.

It was easier to relax when they got out of sight of the town, into the woods. It felt like being on his turf, somehow. Anna dropped back to chat as they headed into the woods, and that took his mind off the whole problem of the three of them until they got to the cabin.

"Cabin" was a bit of a misnomer; "Small summer hunting palace" was probably more accurate. Sven pulled up in surprise and Kristoff just stared. "Wow."

"Nice," Hans said.

"Oh, yeah, I remember coming here when I was really little!" Anna said, jumping off her pony and bounding up the steps to the deck. It had a balcony, and three stories, and a stable built into the hillside. "Come on, let's go exploring!"

"Lemme get Sven settled, first," Kristoff said. He jumped down from the sled and started unhooking the tracers as Hans caught Anna's pony and led her and his horse into the stable. "You okay, buddy?" Kristoff asked his reindeer, and Sven nodded. "Well, don't get too comfy. This life of luxury won't last forever."

Sven looked at him skeptically.

"Well, I can't promise it'll last forever," Kristoff amended.

Sven snorted and followed the horses into the stable.

Inside, the place was huge. It had a separate servants' quarters, two huge sitting rooms with fireplaces, twelve guest bedrooms, and a sauna. The deck wrapped around to look over a small lake, and the forest pressed in on all sides. It was idyllic and very, very swank.

It was still less intimidating than the castle. They brought all the stuff they'd brought inside, ate lunch, then looked over the bedrooms and the storage and dragged a mattress and some sheets out to set up in one of the bedrooms. They didn't really talk about the fact that the three of them were only setting up one bed, focusing instead on the fact that apparently Kristoff was the only one who knew how to put on sheets--"Seriously," he grumbled as Hans and Anna threw pillows at each other, "Neither of you had to make your own beds?"--until they had one mostly made bed and sunlight streaming through the window and they were all staring at each other.

"So," Anna said brightly. "It's nice up here."

"Yes," Hans agreed, but he was looking anxious. "Yes it is."

Kristoff looked back and forth between the two of them. "So... what do you want to do?"

Hans opened his mouth to make a smart remark, looked at Anna, and went "Err...." instead.

Anna bit her lip for a moment, then sighed. "Okay, look, this is going to bother me all day if I don't say something, so..."

Hans looked even more anxious. Kristoff braced himself.

"I cannot believe you two had sex without telling me," Anna said. "Do you realize how hard it's been, waiting for one of you to do something?"

"Oh," Kristoff said.

"I wanted to do... more!" Anna said, gesturing furiously. "And both of you were all, oh, we can't, wait, your sister... well, we've found somewhere private where she can't walk in, and you two _owe me."_

Hans stared at her for a moment, then sent Kristoff a glance. "Hard to argue with that."

"And _you,"_ she said, rounding on Hans. "You made me so _angry..."_ she took a deep breath as Hans looked wounded. "So you're going to have to work twice as hard to make it up to me."

Kristoff took a deep breath and licked his lips. "That sounds fair," he said, checking the expression on Hans' face. Tentatively hopeful.

"I can handle that," Hans agreed.

Kristoff was determined to take the initiative, this time. Or at least not to get left in the dust. He stepped over behind Anna and hugged her against him. "What did you like last time?" he asked.

"I liked everything," she said. "I just didn't like that I was freezing. Oh, and worrying about getting pregnant." She blushed deep red. "That came later, though. The worrying, I mean."

"Okay," Hans said, kneeling in front of Anna and putting his hands on the hem of her skirt. "We won't do that, then."

"See, there he goes again," Kristoff said, "Touching without asking."

Hans froze, his hands on Anna's ankles. "Ah, right," he said. He stroked his hands up her calves and looked pensive. "The last time this happened, I was acting under false pretenses. I'd like to make that up to you."

Anna nodded consideringly, then leaned back against Kristoff and put her left ankle on Hans' shoulder. "Okay," she said.

Hans grinned and started kissing his way up Anna's leg. Kristoff ran his hands down the back of her dress and started unlacing it. His hands weren't even shaking. It felt almost natural, weirdly, running his hands up the super-soft skin on Anna's back as she helped him pull her dress over her head and throw it onto the floor. And then his arms were full of naked girl while Hans knelt between Anna's legs and pressed his mouth to her cleft and everything was happening really fast.

Anna threw her head back against his shoulder, and Kristoff wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He was sweating through his shirt and he was hard enough it was hurting, and he couldn't look down at Hans kneeling close enough to touch. Last time he'd been too scared for Anna to be scared for himself, but now, standing here listening to the sounds of cunnilingus and feeling Anna's body shiver against his, he was definitely wishing he'd said _something else._

"Hey," he muttered when Hans took a second to breathe, "You know, we have that bed over there..."

"Mmm," Hans mmmed into Anna's stomach. "After you gave us such a hard time about having to make it? Wouldn't want to ruin all your hard work."

Anna put her hand on Hans' head and tilted her head back to look Kristoff in the eye. "Hey," she said, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he said defensively, then winced. "I mean... me. It's just me, I'm... I dunno. It's fine. I'll be fine." Hans was sitting back on his heels and wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, and Kristoff felt another wrench of embarrassment grab at his stomach. "You know what, just go back to what you were doing, I'm good."

Anna turned around to face him, looking abashed and blushing down to her collarbone. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't think--"

Kristoff hugged her close again, wishing desperately he could go back and undo this entire conversation. "You're perfect," he said, "You're--amazing, and you should have anything you want. I just need a minute."

"Okay," Anna said quietly.

A touch on his arm made him look up. Hans had gotten to his feet and was looking at him with a concerned expression. "It was a good idea," Hans said, and when Kristoff had wasted a couple seconds trying to figure out what he was talking about, "The bed, I mean. The floor's pretty hard."

"Yeah," Kristoff said. "Hey, are we okay? You and me?"

"Yes, of course," Hans said, sounding surprised.

"Okay." Kristoff took another deep breath. It was funny how quickly his head stopped spinning. "Okay." He kissed Anna on the forehead, and when she looked up, he nodded in the appropriate direction and asked, "Bed?"

"Yes," Anna said, then squeaked as he picked her up. "Oh, hey!"

"Faster this way," he said, grinning, and plopped her down in the middle of the mattress, naked except for shoes and socks. She crossed her arms and smirked at him for a second, then reached out and started pulling off her footwear.

"It's totally unfair," she said as she tossed one shoe over the foot of the bed, "That I'm the most naked."

Kristoff blinked, then started pulling his shirt off. "I thought I had to give Hans a head start," he said, which was pretty good for thinking on his feet.

Hans gave him an amused glare, then sat down on the mattress and started pulling off his boots. "I take my time, but I get there eventually," he said.

Anna prodded Hans' back with her now-bare foot. "Less joking, more nudity."

Kristoff was down to his underwear; he shucked it and crawled onto the bed next to her. "Hey."

Anna rolled over and bumped up against him. "Hey yourself," she said, putting her hand on his chest. For balance, maybe. She bit her bottom lip and looked over at Hans, who was working on unbuttoning something. "Think we should help him?"

Kristoff grinned, then crawled over until he was sitting next to Hans and could get his arms around him. "Hey."

"Hey?" Hans asked, confused, then, "Hey!" he yelped as Kristoff tugged him backwards onto the bed. Anna tackled him from his other side, and between the two of them they got most of Hans' buttons unbuttoned and clothing stripped in just a couple minutes.

"You weren't kidding," a much nakeder Hans said, fiddling with the sock garter that Anna had left him to take care of himself.

"Nope," Anna said. She reached out a hand, pulled it back, then made a determined face and reached out to touch Hans' chest. After a tentative caress, she pulled her hand back and asked, "So... what were you guys doing with each other?"

"Uh," Kristoff said, feeling guilty all over again. "Not that much, honestly--it was just the once--"

"Do you want a demonstration?" Hans asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kristoff shut his mouth and swallowed the rest of his stammered explanation. Anna was frowning slightly at Hans, not really disapprovingly, just thoughtfully. "I want to _know,"_ she said. "I've been running all these crazy scenarios in my head, so I just..."

"Kristoff vetoed the trapeze as being too hard on his back," Hans said dryly, before Kristoff punched him in the shoulder. "Ow. No, really. I went down on him and he gave me a hand job."

Anna blinked at him a couple times. "And... that was enough?"

Kristoff shrugged. "Uh... yeah? It was nice?"

Hans put a hand on his heart. "I'm a simple man with simple tastes."

"Says the guy who kicked off an orgy by stacking three people on top of each other," Kristoff said.

"You are never going to let that _brilliant_ idea of mine go, are you."

"Eeesh, forget I asked," Anna said.

Hans grinned, then reached up to pull her down on top of him. She squeaked, and somewhere in the wriggling for position got herself pushed over so she was lying all pressed up against Kristoff's... front. "Uh, hi," he said, as she craned her neck back to look at him.

"Hi yourself," she said.

He swallowed, and maybe it was a little silly to ask when his erect dick was trapped against her butt, but he gingerly trailed his fingers over her arm and asked, "Can I... touch you?"

"Sure," Anna said, leaning back against him. "Whatever you want."

"He's so polite," Hans said as Kristoff ran his hands down Anna's chest to her breasts--and okay, look, Anna's breasts were terrific, they were perky and soft all at once and they fit right in his hands and he could just reach out and touch them, and that was amazing, and if he tried he could probably fit his mouth around one but he thought maybe that was a little weird and not something you should ask about (maybe he just wanted to see if he could do it, he'd never had sex with anyone who had breasts before.) But anyway, he wasn't so distracted that he couldn't lean over and flick Hans in the ear. "Ow!"

Anna giggled. Hans looked momentarily wounded, then pushed himself out from under her and started kissing his way down her stomach.

"Can--" Kristoff blurted when Hans stopped with his mouth over Anna's cleft. Hans looked up, startled, and Kristoff swallowed. "Can you show me how to do that?"

Anna looked delighted. So did Hans, oddly enough. "Sure," Hans said, scooting over to make room and resting his chin on Anna's hip.

Kristoff gave Anna another kiss and crawled down the bed toward Hans. She pushed herself up on her elbows to watch as Kristoff lay down and got his first good look at... well, new territory. He hadn't actually had a chance to _look_ all that closely the last time, just had barely enough time to get used to the new sensation of sliding into a whole different kind of body. He looked up to check Anna's expression, then carefully reached out and trailed his fingers over soft, springy hair, and ran his pointer finger down the center of her cleft. The lips parted slightly and he felt his finger start to dip into slick heat, held back by the trembling press of muscles that tightened in response to his intrusion.

He looked up to see Anna staring at him with her mouth quirked. "That tickles a bit," she admitted.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's okay," she said, and shifted her hips slightly. "Maybe push harder?"

Kristoff ran his finger back up, pushing harder this time, and found his finger sliding deeper into her, into a startlingly strong grip. When he pulled his finger back, it was glistening, and the smell was intoxicating.

"You--" Anna said, hesitated as he looked up at her. "You can go ahead. If you want."

He wanted. He nearly broke his nose on her pelvic bone in his eagerness to thrust his tongue into her, to taste the source of that scent and find out if it was as good as he remembered from that night he'd licked a tiny taste off Hans' fingers. It was better. Anna squealed and grabbed at his head, tangling her fingers in his hair, and he licked deeper, all hesitation gone, barely breathing as he filled his senses with her.

"Well," Hans said when he came up for air, and Kristoff turned and blinked at him muzzily. "You seem to have the basic idea."

"MMmng!" Anna said and swatted at Hans' head. "Stop distracting him!"

Hans laughed, then reached over and rubbed a point just over Anna's cleft, where Kristoff could just make out a shiny pink bump through her hair; Anna threw her head back and groaned when he touched it and Kristoff remembered Anna's hand guiding his fingers to the same spot. "You're gonna want to concentrate here," Hans said casually.

"Right," Kristoff said. "Now move your hand before I bite you."

"Oooh," Hans said, but he pulled his fingers out of the way. "Is that a promise?"

"Later," Kristoff growled, but he put his tongue where Hans' fingers had been, and as he traced the nub of nerves Anna shrieked and ground her hips into his mouth.

But after he'd been tonguing at her for a few seconds, Anna hissed and pushed at his forehead. "Kristoff--"

"What?" he said, stomach clenching. He pulled his mouth away from her and looked up to make sure she wasn't hurt.

She wasn't; she waved at him and after a breath, said, "It's good, real good, just--really really a lot. Intense. Slow down?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding. Okay. So it was like giving a blowjob; you wanted to mix it up a little.

Less frantic, now, he started alternating licking deep inside her with lapping at her sensitive spot. Anna started moaning deep in her throat and every sound went straight through Kristoff's tongue, down his chest to his dick. Fuck, why had he never done this before? Why had he spent so much time going down on jerks like Erke instead of learning how to go down on girls?

Anna's moans went from throaty, intermittent groaning to a high-pitched keening noise and she dragged Kristoff's head up to put his tongue in line with her clit. He got the idea, pressing his tongue against her as she ground her hips into his mouth, until she sighed in pleasure and went completely limp.

"I think you've got the hang of it," Hans said as Kristoff sat up and rubbed at his face.

"Yeah," Kristoff said. His _chin_ was sticky. How'd that happen? "Yeah. Wow."

"I," Anna said, then paused to take a deep breath. "Agree."

Hans looked amused and slightly put out. "Well," he said. "I guess I'll go back to helping later?"

"Yeah," Anna said, "I'm just gonna lie here for a little bit."

Hans patted her on the thigh, then turned to Kristoff with a challenging smirk on his face. "Well. Any ideas on how to pass the time?"

Kristoff lifted his head and met Hans' gaze for a moment, then said, "I brought some Vaseline along, your highness."

Anna lifted up her head. Hans didn't move, but his eyes went a little wider. "Oh," Hans said, then, "Yeah."

Kristoff stood and went to rummage in his bag, which he'd dropped over near the door. When he got back to the bed with the small jar in his hand, Hans had rolled over onto his back and was staring at him with an expression Kristoff could only describe as starving.

Kristoff hesitated slightly, then uncapped the jar and dipped his fingers into the salve. Taking his time, he screwed the lid back on, then started greasing his cock, slow strokes of his fingers which felt almost agonizingly intense. His nerves were straining and it was all he could do to stand still.

When he looked up, he had to grin at the expression he saw on Hans' face. "Hey," he said, and Hans dragged his eyes up to meet his gaze. "How rough do you like it?"

Hans hissed on his next breath, but he said firmly, "I can take anything you want to give me."

Kristoff smirked and rubbed his thumb over the head of his dick. "You've been waiting for a chance to say that, haven't you."

"I've kind of been meaning to say it for a while, but I got distracted." Hans licked his lips. It looked involuntary. "How do you want me?"

Oh now that sounded nice. That sounded very nice. "Turn over," Kristoff said, climbing onto the foot of the bed and rolling the jar of Vaseline over so it bumped against Anna's leg for safekeeping.

Hans rolled onto his hands and knees, shooting a glance over his shoulder as he got settled. Kristoff gave him a moment before he grinned and tackled him.

The hit the mattress and Hans let out a surprised breath. Kristoff used his left hand to pin Hans' arms down while he teased at Hans' ass with slippery fingers.

"Oh fuck yes," Hans groaned, mostly into the mattress, as Kristoff's first finger slid inside him. _"Fuck_ yes."

"More?" Kristoff asked, and barely waited for Hans' nod before pressing a second finger inside. Hans wriggled underneath him and pushed back against his knuckles, and it was all Kristoff could do to hold back from jamming his cock inside him then and there--

Instead, he took a deep breath and took his time, or as much time as he could, easing Hans into it with his fingers, because as experienced as the guy was, Kristoff knew there were some things your body just didn't remember without some help. And also because by the time he was ready Hans was moaning in frustrated lust with every swipe of his fingers, and that was a sound Kristoff was happy to listen to for a good long while.

When he figured Hans was prepped enough--and when he couldn't stand it any more--he knelt between Hans' legs and lined himself up--and pressed Hans back into the mattress when he tried to push back onto him. "I knew you were impatient," Kristoff said, rocking just the tip of his dick against Hans' entrance and wondering just who he was teasing with the delay. "But man..."

"Fuck you!" Hans groaned.

Kristoff stopped moving and raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't that be 'fuck _me'?"_

"Fuck!"

Kristoff chuckled and pushed forward. For a moment, nothing, and then he was in and _tight_ muscle around his dick--completely familiar, completely _different_ than fucking Anna had been. He rocked his hips forward again, and in a couple motions was buried full length inside Hans' body, tight and snug and _good_ and he leaned over and asked into Hans' ear, "Rough?"

_"Yes!"_

He grabbed Hans' wrists again, held them down tight as he started fucking him, driving into him as hard as he could--probably could get a better angle, sure, but feeling Hans squirming under him full-length all that smooth skin and wiry muscles straining--that was worth it, fantastic. Kristoff nipped at Hans' shoulder and got a groan of appreciation, so he got his mouth on the juncture of neck and shoulder and bit down, hard, and the noise Hans made was just this side of orgasmic.

Kristoff laughed and licked at the bite mark he'd made. "Close?"

"Yes--fuck it, yes--"

He ground his hips down into Hans', forcing him against the mattress. "Very close?"

Kristoff would have known when Hans came without the noises. The shuddering tension in his muscles, the desperate rocking of his hips, the clenching of his fingers--but the noises Hans made when he came were amazing. Kristoff held him close until the last keening whimper died into silence, then nuzzled at the already-bruising bite mark he'd left. "Hey?"

"Mmmmmmnnnn," Hans said eloquently.

"Sorry about the bite."

Hans grinned. _"Bien. De belles dents."_

"And I still don't speak French."

Hans laughed and pulled his hands free, then wriggled against him experimentally. "You're still going?"

"Ahhh..." Kristoff had tried not to move, figuring Hans was probably pretty sensitive, but he was still feeling pretty hot himself and yes, okay, up for more. "I can take care of myself--"

"No, just give me..." Hans reached out, grabbed a pillow, then took a deep breath and rested his head against it. "Okay. Good. Gentler?"

"Sure." And it was difficult--so _very_ difficult, it was, to slow down and rock gently in and out, especially when Hans gasped and squirmed under him and he forced himself to _stop moving._ But it let him breathe, let time stretch into that hazy, sweaty, warm and delicious space where it felt like he could keep doing this forever, and pretty soon he felt Hans moaning and rocking back against him again, and he picked up the tempo of his thrusts until he was right on the edge and straining to hold back--

And then uncoiling like a spring, inevitable, uncontrollable, _incredible,_ he came hard enough he saw colors, buried his face in the crook of Hans' neck and made some embarrassing noises himself.

He rolled onto his back and lay there, splayed out and staring at the ceiling, trying to get his breath back. The bed was huge, he realized. Which was good. If he and Hans had to stay on top of each other they'd probably die from overheating.

"Wow," Hans said shakily.

"Yeah," Kristoff said, "Wow." And after a second, remembering his manners, "Thanks."

Hans laughed, surprised. "Thank _you,"_ he said. Slowly, he flipped over and settled himself, then reached out and patted Kristoff on the chest. "It has been, yeah, too long since I've done that."

"Wow," Anna said quietly from Hans' other side.

Suddenly, Kristoff's stomach clenched. He'd almost forgotten she was there. And he--he didn't know why he was worried, but he was. Worried. She was so... princess-y. Well, maybe not princess-y, but she _was_ a princess, and a lady, and he and Hans had just... he'd bitten Hans on the neck, for crying out loud, what kind of animal did she think he was?

Kristoff looked up. Anna was staring at him. "That was so..." she said.

"It's usually not so--" he started.

"... _Sexy,"_ she finished, gesturing at him.

Kristoff blinked, swallowed the word 'violent', and said, "Really?" instead.

"Yes," she said, then clapped her hand over her mouth and blushed. "I mean... yeah."

"Oh," he said, and grinned, relieved. "Uh, good. I mean, I'm glad you, uh, liked watching."

"You're both so adorable I could kiss you," Hans commented.

Anna beamed and took Hans up on the offer while Kristoff was still trying to figure out if he was serious or not. Then she leaned over and kissed him, too, so he was kind of busy.

"So," she said, settling herself between them, and all of a sudden even though it was way too hot and sweaty to cuddle it seemed like a great idea. "You guys want to go swimming?"

Cold water sounded nice, though moving sounded like too much work. "Nnnh," Hans said, echoing his thoughts, "Maybe a bath instead."

Anna made a face. "Well, you can have one, but you have to bring the water up yourself."

"Swimming it is, then," Hans said, and levered himself into a sitting position. "Oof. Or maybe just wading. Floating?"

"C'mon," Kristoff said, swinging his legs off the side of the bed and standing gingerly. "We get cleaned up, we can have more sex later. Sound like a plan?"

"That was the essence of my plan," Anna said.

"Perfect plan," Hans said, easing himself into a sitting position. He caught Kristoff's eye and smiled, in all appearances completely sincere. "And this was a great idea, Kristoff."

Ah, Kristoff thought, there was the niggling edge of worry he'd been missing. He smiled back and tried not to think about it.


	6. A Persistent Heatwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anna learns about the men's bodies and her own, Hans gets an offer, and Kristoff gets to teach a couple of lessons.

Anna floated in the lake and watched through narrowed eyes as the guys splashed each other.

She was glad, really glad, that Kristoff's idea had worked and they'd all been able to relax and... well, relax. And. But she wasn't just here to do all those... things she was here to do. She was also here on reconnaissance.

She really hadn't done well enough in learning about Hans. She understood that now. So she was trying to fix that and find out all she could about who he was--who he really was. Kristoff she felt really secure with; Kristoff was honest and sweet and dedicated, and if she asked him a question she knew she'd get the truth. But Hans... well.

He'd already lied to her once, and she was trying--really trying, really honestly trying--to remember that and to keep her feelings in check, no matter how many times he looked at her with those dreamy eyes or told her that he loved her or used his tongue to lick--

Right. Had to keep things in perspective.

She watched as Hans climbed up onto a rock and then dove into the water, long and lean and muscular and she was losing her train of thought again. She was supposed to be making a decision about marrying one of these guys, and it turned out having more sex with both of them hadn't made the decision easier, it had just made her want to have both of them even more.

"Hey," Kristoff asked, paddling up beside her. "Having a good time?"

"Definitely," she said, then carefully leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for suggesting this."

He grinned, then yelped and splashed backwards. Hans surfaced a moment later, water streaming from his hair and grinning.

"Okay," Kristoff said, "New rule, no bubbles in sensitive places. That tickled."

"Sorry," Hans said, sounding not sorry at all. "Make it up to you?"

Hans, Anna made a mental note, was easygoing, occasionally thoughtless, and didn't like to be in anyone's debt. Also a terrific swimmer. And had a great... physique.

They spent some time relaxing in the sauna, dived into the lake again to cool off, then dried off to eat as the sun started sinking toward the horizon.

"This is nice," Hans said as they nibbled the last of the fruit and sandwiches and watched the colors of sunset gild the clouds. He was still shirtless, though he and Kristoff had put on pants to avoid, as Kristoff put it, crumbs in sensitive places. Anna had slipped on her underwear but left her dress, since the coldest part of the evening was still hours away.

She took a bite, trying to ignore the way the sunlight lined Hans' biceps and focus on her mission. She bumped Hans' leg with her toe and said, "So tell me--why Paris? Why'd you go, what did you do?"

"Besides have sex all the time," Kristoff added, and she poked him with her other foot.

Hans shrugged. "My brothers Lief and Lars--the twins--they were studying there, and Lief had just lost a bunch of money investing in the new Paris Exhibition, so he wanted to at least get his ticket's worth and invited some of the rest of us to come have a look." He smiled to himself. "I wasn't the only one who took him up on it, but I liked the city so much I stuck around for a few months."

"So what did you do?" Anna asked, intrigued.

"I made friends with some artists," Hans said, "And we went to art shows around the city, some of the big ones, some of the stranger ones... there was theater, there was, well." He blushed, suddenly. "There were parties. There was absinthe. Sometimes far too much absinthe."

Kristoff grinned. "You turned bohemian."

Hans started to laugh, then turned a confused look on Kristoff. "How do you know about bohemians?"

"Dude, I sell ice," Kristoff said, and when Hans still looked confused, elaborated, "To sailors."

"Ahhhhh," Hans said.

Anna was thinking. Art, music, parties, sex... it didn't exactly paint a portrait of a guy willing to stab someone to win a kingdom. "How were the art shows?" she asked, relaxing.

Hans smiled at her. "I wish I could show you. I think you'd really like it. There are so many different ideas.. it's not all pretty, but it was really exciting."

Her heart was beating faster. "Really?"

"Yes," he said, and leaned over to put a hand on her ankle. "I want to show you--"

"Dude," Kristoff said, and this time he poked Hans with his foot. Well, less like a poke, and more like a kick. Hans looked startled. "Stop doing the thing."

Anna frowned at Kristoff. "The... thing? What thing?"

Kristoff nodded at Hans. "The thing where he tries to find out your opinion so he can agree with you."

Anna turned to stare at Hans, who was looking... guilty. Surprisingly guilty. "That's a thing?" she asked him.

"Uh." He winced. "I do want to show you all the stuff I saw in Paris, and I do think you'd like it--" he stumbled over his words and sighed. "Look, I--I spent a long time learning how _not_ to have opinions about art, so that I could just, y'know. Talk to people. Without disagreeing."

Anna frowned at him. "You don't have opinions, you just agree with people."

"About art," he protested.

She was getting that weird feeling in her stomach again. "We talked about art for _two hours_ when we met. We went through my family's gallery and looked at every single painting."

"It's a nice collection," Hans said weakly. "I didn't say I stopped learning about quality, just that I try to like what other people like. I didn't want to get in fights over impressionism versus post-impressionism."

Anna pursed her lips and stared at him. "You know that normal people don't do that, right?"

"Well," he shrugged again. "I mean, of course, but I always thought it was just sensible."

"Actually kind of creepy," Kristoff said. Hans sighed and shook his head.

Well. That was the second time she'd actually heard Hans admit to particularly worrisome behavior. She should probably be worried. But...

"Okay, so on a scale of one to ten," Hans was asking Kristoff.

Kristoff rolled his eyes. "Lying about liking art? That's not too weird, but that you're talking about deliberately deciding to lie about liking art, and _that's_ like a seven and a half on the not-okay scale."

"So less lying than deciding to lie ahead of time?" Hans looked thoughtful. "But what if--"

"No what ifs."

"But--"

"Shhh," Kristoff said, reaching out to close his hand over Hans' mouth. "No."

It sounded like they'd had this conversation before.

"So how long have you guys been talking about this?" she asked, picking up another piece of bread and slicing some cheese for it, so very casually.

"Oh," Kristoff said, "Hans asked me to help, uh, figure this stuff out... the next day after everything got, y'know. Settled."

"I offered to pay him back in blowjobs," Hans said, grinning. "Or French lessons. You know, just the basics. _Ma tante a un crayon jaune,_ _quel chemin de la gare,_ _mon copain a un énorme--"_

"Right," Anna, who did understand French, cut him off. "So in Paris, you learned French, sex, and how to manipulate people? Is that right? And you're trying to unlearn that?"

Hans blinked at her, then leaned back and looked sheepish. "Well, not the French. Or the sex."

She wasn't mad, exactly, she just felt a kind of rolling tightness in her stomach, a mixture of fear and a strange jealousy of whatever camraderie Hans and Kristoff were sharing without her. She brushed crumbs off her fingers, then stood and walked over until she was standing with one foot on either side of Hans' hips, and he was looking up at her, his expression changing from awkward to slightly alarmed.

Carefully, Anna knelt, until she was just barely resting her weight on his stomach. She reached out and touched the bruise from the bite Kristoff had given him earlier. It looked black and mean, and was probably going to turn spectacular colors before fading. "Does that still hurt?"

Hans grinned. "Only when I touch it."

Anna chewed on her bottom lip until she realized she was doing it and pressed her lips together to stop herself. "Okay," she said. "I wanna watch."

Hans' expression went blank, but in a moment he was smirking again. "Watch what?"

Anna swiveled around until she could see Kristoff, who was eyeing her with a wary expression. "He offered to pay you back in oral sex, right? Well." She looked down at Hans, who seemed intrigued. "I want to watch."

"Of course," Hans said.

"Uh, yeah," Kristoff said after a moment. "I mean, sure. Do you mean--now?"

"Do you want to?" she asked.

Kristoff nodded, then looked at Hans and nodded again.

Anna scrambled to her feet and Hans and Kristoff followed her to the bed, where they tumbled together into the sheets and tugged at each others' clothes until they were naked again. Hans took Kristoff by the hips and guided him up onto his knees, then leaned forward and lapped his tongue against the tip of Kristoff's already thickening erection.

Hans looked up to Kristoff, then at her where she was sitting at Kristoff's left hip, and grinned. With a graceful motion he got down on his hands and knees, lined his mouth up with Kristoff's cock, and put his mouth over the tip.

Anna was startled by how loud it sounded; she didn't think it was nearly as loud when Hans or Kristoff had used their mouths on her. Though--Kristoff's eyes were closed and he moaned deep in his throat, a sound that went straight down her spine and made her shiver--maybe she just hadn't been in any state to notice.

She ran her hand up Kristoff's back--and that was something else she had noticed, how different the two of them felt. Hans was lithe, wiry muscles; Kristoff was solid and firm, callused and steady. Hans's body was nearly hairless until the dark line of fuzz below his navel leading to the auburn thatch around his cock, and Kristoff was blonde fur all over, across his chest and on the back of his shoulders, ringlets slipping between her fingers as she ran her hand back down and around his waist. Kristoff ran his fingers through her hair and hummed. "Hey."

"Hey," she said. Hans had his right hand on Kristoff's cock, and he pulled his mouth off to smile at both of them. He looked thrilled, and focused, and hungry in that way that meant for sex. Anna reached over and put her hand over his, feeling the solid girth of Kristoff's erection through Hans' fingers, and unbidden the thought came to her, _That was inside me,_ and she could feel herself blushing to her toes.

She wanted it, was the problem--she wanted that, again, and she couldn't have it, and it was probably going to drive her crazy.

_Well, maybe I'm already pregnant, which means it wouldn't be a problem--_

Hans pulled his hand off Kristoff's dick, and startled, Anna pulled her hand back--to see Hans lean forward and the rest of Kristoff's dick disappear into his mouth. For one dizzy instant she was just confused--where the hell did all of it _go?_ \--then as Kristoff moaned and threaded his fingers into Hans' hair and thrust, she realized what was happening, how he was swallowing, and like lightning flashing through her skin her desire and lust lit up her mind, and she jammed her hand between her legs and buried her face in Kristoff's side and whimpered.

"Oh, Anna," Hans said, voice rough, and she cracked open her eyes to see him watching her, mouth red and wet, panting for breath.

Her fingers were already slick. Almost without thinking, she reached her hand out toward Hans' face, and he closed his mouth over them, tongue gently tickling the pads of her fingers. Heat pounded between her legs. This was... this was good. This was amazing. Kristoff was making soft moaning noises as Hans licked the last of Anna's fingers clean, then turned his attention back to Kristoff's dick, and Anna wrapped her hand around the base where Hans' hand had been earlier and felt Kristoff's groan through her whole body.

A touch on her leg made her look down, where Hans was trailing his fingers up her thigh. "May I?" he asked, and at her nod, he slid two fingers into her, gentle stretch and pressure curving along all the needy spaces inside her. He curled his fingers again and again, and each time pulse-points of pleasure fired and sparked until she was shaking and clenching and on the verge of coming--

And then she was over the edge, pressing her mouth into Kristoff's side and keening, trying to stay upright and not bring both of them down. And then in the aftershocks, weak legs finally giving up on her, she let Kristoff go and sat down and stared at Hans' pleased smile.

"Holy shit," Kristoff said.

"Mmm," Hans said, then brought his mouth down on Kristoff's dick again--and slid his fingers, still slick from Anna's body, back through Kristoff's legs and up and into him--

Kristoff went from moaning to shouting, obscenities and half-finished phrases and Hans' and Anna's names, until he collapsed backward onto the bed, blinking up at the ceiling.

Oh, Anna thought, that. That was cheating.

Hans lay down on his stomach, propped his chin on his hand and smiled at her. "Enjoy yourself?"

"Damn," Kristoff said weakly.

"Wow," Anna admitted.

Hans crawled up the bed toward them and they made space for him, lined up and cuddling each other with Hans in the middle looking smug. Anna reached over and tweaked one of his nipples and he made a startled noise.

"Don't get too cocky," she said.

For a moment, the look he gave her was unreadable, before it dissolved into another confident smile. "Of course not."

Anna smiled back, feeling pretty benevolent herself, and ran her hand down over his stomach to his cock. And--she knew that talking about dick size was somehow weird, she'd picked up on that much, but she liked both Kristoff and Hans' dicks; more than that, she liked how they seemed to fit _them,_ their bodies and their personalities too.

"I wish we could have sex," she said, and Hans' cock twitched in her hand, which felt _weird_ and _interesting_ and she wanted it to happen again now.

Hans' head came up and he looked at her inquiringly. "This isn't sex?"

"You know," she said, and shrugged. "Like, _proper_ sex."

Understanding bloomed. "Ah."

"I mean..." she slid her fingers up and down the length of his dick, thinking. "Maybe if you... pulled out of me, before you... finished..."

Hans made a funny little noise, then grabbed her wrist. "Don't tempt me."

She pouted. "Why not? Wouldn't it work?"

"Uh..." Hans looked over at Kristoff, who was glaring at him. "If everything goes right, sure, but that thinking's made more royal by-blows and embarrassing trips to the doctor than I want to chance."

"But..." it was so unfair. "I might already be pregnant, so it really wouldn't be that much worse, would it?"

He squeezed her wrist again. "Sorry. Look, we'll go to a doctor and get you some protection, and then we won't have to worry."

Anna blinked at him. "Protection?"

"Yeah, you know..." Hans shrugged. "Family planning?" At her continued blankness, he explained, "You can get this little rubber cup thing that a doctor fits you for, and you put it inside you and it keeps you from getting pregnant."

There was silence as she considered this new information, and then a rushing in her ears as she was suddenly excited or furious or... or something. "Why did no one ever tell me that was a thing?"

"Uh," Hans said, grimacing. "They probably didn't think you'd need it."

"I need it. I need it now." Anna clapped her hands over her mouth. "I mean... no, nevermind, that's exactly what I mean."

Hans bit his lip and looked pained. "I... nnng. Let's do things. Other. Other things."

Reluctantly, Anna nodded. She tried to temper her disappointment by returning to her examination of Hans' cock. Even though it wasn't as... _intimidating_ as Kristoff's, it was still more than a handful for her. His skin was very warm and soft, and when she ran her thumb over the tip where his skin got all wrinkly, Hans gasped and bucked his hips.

A sudden impulse seized her, and she leaned over and gave the tip a lick. Hans' breath hissed out. "Oh..."

"Is that okay?" Anna asked.

"Very, very yes," Hans said. He took a deep breath and let it out. "Would you like to..?"

He trailed off, and Anna smirked. "Now you're losing your vocabulary."

Hans raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh-ho. Well, are you going to suck me off?"

"Do you want me to?" She squeezed his dick gently and he groaned.

"Yes," he said, and licked his lips. "Please?"

Something thrilled in her, and she grinned and said, "Ask me again."

Hans' breath hitched, and he rolled his hips against her hand again. "Fuck, Anna, please. Please suck me? Fuck--"

Anna put the tip of Hans' dick in her mouth and sucked gently. It tasted like salt and something smoky, almost musky, and it wasn't too unpleasant, so she kept sucking, licking occasionally at the warm shape in her mouth.

When she took her mouth off him to swallow and take a breath, Kristoff had moved down the bed so his head was level with hers. He smiled at her, then said, "Careful with your teeth."

"Eep," Anna said. She ran her tongue over her teeth, then asked, "How?"

Kristoff laughed. "Just hold your mouth open. Use your lips."

She nodded and bent her head again, taking Hans into her mouth, being extra careful with her teeth. She could feel Hans struggling not to move beneath her; his hands were clenching on the bedspread, his breathing stuttering. When she sucked his cock further into her mouth, he whimpered and thrust up against her.

It was an awkward angle, and the next time she pulled her mouth off she frowned and tried to figure out where she should go. Hans had been on his hands and knees when he was sucking Kristoff, but she didn't think that would work as well when he was on his back. For one thing, his dick was curving slightly upward, and she didn't know how... bendable it was.

Considering, she scooted over and threw one leg over Hans' chest so she was sitting over him facing his prick. He made a surprised noise, but this time when she leaned forward his dick fit into her mouth smoothly, and she hummed in satisfaction.

"Hunh," Hans said, then, "Hello."

Anna wasn't entirely sure what _that_ meant, except that she was getting more of Hans' dick in her mouth, concentrating on breathing and sucking and licking all at once, when suddenly there was a tentative lick at her clit. She gasped and rocked forward, and Hans' cock caught her in the back of her mouth and she almost gagged.

"Okay, woah, woah," Hans said, as Anna pulled off and coughed, turning around to glare at him. He looked properly abashed. "I, uh, guess that's one of those things you're supposed to ask about, huh?"

"You startled me," she said, and coughed again.

He looked even more apologetic. "I'm really sorry."

Anna frowned and looked down at his dick, then back at him. "How do you not... choke?"

That startled a laugh out of him. "Well, if you're careful, you can swallow. It takes practice."

"Here," Kristoff said, and Anna looked down again to see him laying on the edge of the bed, dragging his fingers up and down Hans' dick. "If you put your hand here, it keeps it from going too deep, right?"

Anna considered, then reached out carefully to wrap her hand around the taut flesh, just behind the head. Hans moaned encouragingly, then louder as she went back to sucking. "Mmm. Good. Really good--ah, Anna, ah..."

The musky taste was getting stronger, and as she licked and sucked and drew him slightly deeper into her mouth the tingling feelings started growing in Anna's stomach and between her legs again. She stopped to swallow and said, "You can use your tongue on me? If you want?"

The bed creaked, and then Hans's hand was on her butt and his tongue was pressing all up against her, licking over her clit and then deep into her cleft. She squeaked, and he pulled away and said, "Huh, it's weird doing this upside-down."

Kristoff laughed, and Anna couldn't stop herself from giggling. "Oh, don't worry, I'll manage," Hans said, and that set her off even more.

Kristoff was grinning when she looked down, and when she'd stopped laughing he kissed her knuckles where she was holding Hans' cock and asked, "Want some help there?"

"Sh--" Hans gave her another lick and she squeaked. "Sure!"

Kristoff kissed her, tongue darting against her open lips, then ducked and sucked the head of Hans' cock into his mouth. Hans' breath stuttered against her mons, then he pressed his mouth back against her and licked fiercely against her clit, making her squeal.

Kristoff lifted his head and she returned his kiss before putting her mouth back on Hans' dick. The sensations of Hans' tongue and her own clenching muscles and the fullness in her mouth were making her dizzy, and she groaned and tried to swallow more, deeper--and Kristoff's nose bumped her hand as he started licking the base of Hans' cock, and she could hear and feel the muffled noise as Hans moaned against her.

And she was right on the edge when Hans' head fell back and he groaned, "Oh Anna, I'm going to--I--"

She knew what that meant, but she knew Hans hadn't taken Kristoff's dick out of his mouth when he'd come, and before she could decide what to do Hans was thrusting into her mouth, and there was another taste, thick and salty, coating her tongue and the back of her throat.

It was over so suddenly she wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do. She was still buzzing and needy and trembling. She swallowed the taste out of her mouth, and was startled when Kristoff touched her face and leaned forward to kiss her again.

"Oh, wow," she heard Hans say as they kissed. "Wow, I--Anna, give me a second, sorry I stopped."

"Mmmmm," she said, then "Mmmmm!" as Hans pressed his tongue into service again. She reached her peak much faster this time, clutching Kristoff's shoulder and crying out against his mouth as they kissed.

"So," Kristoff said as Anna rolled off Hans and lay on her back getting her breath back. "You never did that in Paris?"

Hans scoffed. "I was only there eight months, Kristoff, you can't expect me to have done _everything."_

Anna giggled and put her arm over her face.

She didn't have much energy after that. They got to bed, cleaning each other up and snuggling under the covers together until they dozed. The next thing she remembered it was morning, sunlight filtering through the curtains and making glitter out of motes of dust.

She was cuddled up against Kristoff, who was lying on his back and snoring gently. Hans's arm was wrapped around her waist, and when she turned to look back at him he lifted his head and smiled lazily at her.

"Hey," she whispered, trying not to wake Kristoff.

"Hey," he said back, and kissed her neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Mmm, good," she said, and squeezed his hand against her. "You?"

"Mmm," he said, and rocked his hips into her behind. Anna felt something poking her and grinned. "I'm good," he said. "Enjoying your company."

Anna giggled. She reached back and cupped Hans' prick in her hand, curling her fingers as he lazily thrust into her grip. "Mmm, that feels nice," he said encouragingly, and slid his hand down her stomach to between her legs.

Her warm, sleepy mood was quickly being washed away by a different kind of warm mood, one that was a lot more exciting. She wanted more touching, more... other things. It was so unfair that she had to worry about getting pregnant, while Hans and Kristoff could fuck each other without thinking about that...

The sudden thought made her stop moving. Hans nuzzled her neck and asked, "Everything okay?"

"Hans?" Anna asked quietly. "That... the kind of sex you and Kristoff were doing... can women do that too?"

"... Yeah," he said a second later, sounding startled. "Do you want to try?"

"Yeah," she said. "I kinda do. Is that... weird?"

Hans laughed. "No, no, not unless we're all weird. Hold on a second."

With another kiss on the nape of her neck, Hans rolled away, leaving her back chilly and the rest of her kind of tingly and lonely. He was back soon, and she could hear him unscrewing the cap of the little jar of Vaseline that Kristoff had brought along.

"What should I do?" she asked as Hans snuggled up to her again.

"Just relax," he said. His fingers slid down her back, between her buttocks--cold and very slippery. "If you've never done this before, it's best to start slow."

Anna nodded and concentrated on not moving as Hans ran his finger in a slow circle, pressing gently against her but not hard enough to push inside. After the first shock of cold, it felt surprisingly good. He kissed the back of her neck and across her shoulders, and she closed her eyes and relaxed back into his touch.

She may have made a squeaking noise when Hans' first finger went in. She definitely opened her eyes, because that's when she saw Kristoff staring curiously at her.

"What are you doing?" Kristoff asked.

Hans was holding his hand very still. Anna smiled weakly and said, "... Nothing?"

Hans snorted and twisted his finger, and she squeaked again.

Kristoff frowned and sat up, then blinked a few times as he saw what was happening. "Oh," he said, and lay back down, nose-to-nose with Anna. She bit her lip, embarrassed, and he smiled sheepishly. "I, uh, didn't know girls did that."

"You're making anal sex sound so mysterious," Hans said. "C'mon, we're trying to relax, here."

Kristoff chuckled. Anna grinned and closed her eyes, snuggling into her pillow as Hans kept massaging her. Kristoff kissed her on the forehead and she smiled sleepily and reached out to run her fingers over his chest. He felt good, warm and furry and solid. And she was relaxing, Hans kissing the back of her neck and across her shoulder and gently working a second finger inside her.

"Oh," she said softly.

"Does that feel okay?" Hans asked. "It didn't hurt?"

"No, nothing hurts," she said. And it didn't--there was a kind of stretching feeling, but it mostly felt... "It feels a bit weird, but..."

"It's a little weird the first time," Kristoff said.

"Mmm," Anna said, running her hand up his chest again to his shoulder. Hans was starting to move his fingers in and out of her, slowly getting a rhythm going. She could feel that pressure deep inside of her, different than when they'd had sex... proper sex, anyway.

And before she could think too much about that, Hans pulled his fingers out of her and asked, "Ready?"

"I think so," she said.

She didn't know what to expect, really. Hans moved closer to her, and gently she felt his dick pressing against her, thick, blunt pressure, and for a moment she didn't think she could stand it. But at the next breath her body relaxed, relented, and then he was pushing inside her, smoothly sliding into place. She took deep breaths and grabbed blindly for Kristoff's hands, and he held her, squeezing her fingers in reassurance.

"Ahh-Anna?" Hans asked, sounding out of breath. "You okay?"

"Yes," she said. She opened her eyes--Kristoff was staring at her intently, concerned and wary, but he smiled when she smiled and squeezed her fingers again. "I'm okay," she repeated. "Good."

"Good," Hans said. He stroked her hip and she concentrated on breathing, on settling the butterflies of her nerves that were complaining about the new-strange-different invasion of her body. Hans was holding himself still and she tried moving a little, back and forth against him, but that just made the butterflies worse.

"Oh, fuck, Anna," Hans said carefully, "I really, really want to get all the way inside you... can I just..."

Anna bit her lip for a moment. Kristoff reached up to touch the side of her face. "What's wrong?" Kristoff asked.

"Moving feels weird," Anna admitted.

She heard Hans take a deep breath. "Okay," he said. "Okay, we can just--let me know what you want?"

Kristoff scooted closer and kissed her forehead. "Breathe," he said.

"I'm breathing," Anna said. "Hold me?"

Hans stroked her hip and up her side, and Kristoff moved close enough that he could cuddle her to his chest, and she breathed in the smell and the feeling of their support until the strangeness was gone and her body adjusted. Gingerly, she pushed herself back against Hans, feeling him sink deeper inside her until she was cradled against his hips, and she could hear him let out a breath he'd apparently been holding.

Anna put her hand over his and asked, "Okay?"

"Oh, yes," he said. "You?"

"Better," she said. And it was better--now that the feeling of awkward weirdness was gone, it just felt close and intimate--a little strange, sure, but good.

Hans rocked his hips against her, more a settling than a thrusting, and she moaned and pushed back against him. He took her encouragement and started moving with her, gently at first, then with more energy as she squeezed his fingers to let him know she was all right.

Kristoff smoothed her hair with his hand. Anna nuzzled into his chest, then kissed him as far up as she could reach, somewhere around his collarbone. She didn't feel like talking, still a little hazy from sleep and focused on Hans, moving deep against and inside her and rocking her into Kristoff's arms. She asked with her fingers instead, dragging Kristoff's hands down to her breasts and then to her clit, wanting to recapture the same sensations she'd had that night they'd all first made love together.

Kristoff's fingers slipped slick across that certain spot, and the shock of pleasure shot through her, throwing her slight discomfort into sharp relief. Kristoff touched her again and she gasped and rocked her hips into his hand, for a second throwing off Hans' rhythm.

And then Kristoff slid a finger inside her, and oh. Ohhhh.

Hans went completely still. "Oh, hi," he said.

"Anna?" Kristoff asked. "Is that... okay?"

"Yes," she said, emphatically. "Very... ohhhh," she moaned as he shifted his hand and his finger pushed deeper. She felt full, and tingly all over, and a sudden deep and clear understanding of every nerve ending inside her, where Hans' cock was pushing into her and up against Kristoff's fingers, and it was strange and wonderful and felt so good...

"That feels..." Anna tried to move her legs to get his finger deeper, wound up with her ankle slung over his waist. "Can you... more?"

Kristoff hesitated for a moment. "More like more fingers? Like, uh..." He twisted his hand, and then so overwhelming she thought she might start crying, he pushed his fingers back into her--fingers, two, and she whimpered and nodded and let the feelings roll over her.

"Holy fuck," Hans muttered.

"You okay there?" Kristoff asked him.

"Yes. I--fuck. Anna--"

She knew what he wanted to ask, and she reached back to touch his skin, somewhere, to pull him closer to her in answer. He thrust and she cried out at the sensation, at how motion changed everything, while she'd gotten used to feeling _full_ now she was feeling something else on top of that, and it was wonderful and intense and almost too much and she never wanted it to stop.

And oh--

"Do you think?" she asked, and was that really her voice, thick and low and out of breath? "Do you think--once I get that protection--that I could have both of you... at the same time?"

Kristoff's eyes went wide. "Oh, wow," he said. "I--"

"Oh, _fuck,"_ Hans said, and suddenly he was _fucking_ her, hard and fast, and for a moment she couldn't breathe it was too much. "Oh--I--Anna-- _fuck!"_

She was still right on the edge as he came, straining against her and fingers digging into her hips. She whimpered and pushed against Kristoff's hand, until he rubbed his thumb right against the spot she wanted, and seconds later everything was an explosion of sparks and heat and pleasure until she lay exhausted, tangled in Hans' and Kristoff's limbs.

And she hadn't even made it out of bed, yet.

"Wow," Kristoff said again.

"In answer to your question," Hans said, out of breath, "I definitely think we should try."

"Good," Anna said, and snuggled back into his arms. Kristoff inched closer, and Anna reached up to pull him down for a kiss.

"Mmm," Kristoff said when they broke off, "I guess I need to see to myself until you guys get your breath back."

"You can fuck me," Hans suggested.

Kristoff looked slightly surprised. "You sure? You just put in some serious, uh..."

"Always sure." Anna couldn't really see Hans' expression, but he sounded smug. "Unless..." His voice went softer and he caressed Anna's shoulder gently. "Unless you had other plans?"

He was asking her, she realized after a second. "Oh, I need to take a minute," she said. She was surprisingly wrung out. She wanted a bath, maybe, or a swim, or something before she thought about doing that again. "And I like watching."

"Okay," Kristoff said. He smiled and kissed her again, then scootched back as Hans started climbing over her to rest between them. Hans stopped when he was straddling her, gazing down at her with a soft, gentle expression, and then leaned down to kiss her.

Oh, she wanted this to last forever. She wanted to have this be real, and all there was, and banish all the worrying about lying and cheating and jealousy to some far-distant ice cave, never to be seen again.

Hans broke the kiss and lay down between her and Kristoff, on his side facing her, snuggling back into Kristoff's arms in a mirror image of their earlier position. He'd grabbed the little jar of lubricant and twisted it open when he was settled, dipping his fingers in the grease.

"You're really not too sensitive after coming?" Kristoff asked as he reached around Hans and scooped up some Vaseline on his fingertips.

Hans hesitated in answering while he reached behind himself; Anna bit her lip at the expression he made while doing whatever he was doing. "Ah--I am," Hans finally said; his eyes flickered open and he grinned as he caught her watching him. "I am, I just like it."

"Heh." Kristoff grinned, then leaned up to kiss Hans on the shoulder, right on the toothmark-bruise he'd left the previous day. "Pain slut," he said, fondly.

"Heh, yeah, I guess a little," Hans said, then gasped as Kristoff pulled their hips together--and Anna couldn't quite see what was happening like she could last time, but she could imagine as Hans pushed himself backwards and finally settled with Kristoff's legs tucked up right behind his, Kristoff's hand curled around his hip. They were close enough that Anna could reach out and put her hand over Kristoff's, feeling the tightness of his fingers as their bodies settled together. They were close enough that with a little wiggling, she got her face up near Hans' and was able to kiss him.

Hans' mouth opened under hers and he moaned against her as Kristoff thrust into him. Anna shivered. She'd told the truth, she really did want to rest, but that sound and feeling went straight through her and lit up her body like a torch.

Kristoff was being a lot more gentle this morning, barely moving and lazily nuzzling at the back of Hans' neck. Anna lay there and soaked up their energy. The boys continued rocking against each other for a while, until Hans' eyes seemed to get their focus back and Kristoff started thrusting harder against him; Anna trailed her hand down the sweat-streaks on Hans' skin to wrap her fingers around his hardening prick and he moaned as the motion slid him against her.

Kristoff stopped moving for a second, then, and squeezed Hans' hip to get his attention. "Hey, you want to lie on your back a bit?"

Hans leaned back to look at him. "Yeah? Okay..."

He rolled onto his back as Kristoff pushed himself onto his arms over him. Anna wasn't quite sure what was going on, until Kristoff got his hands under Hans' hips and lifted him up, and then their bodies were sliding back together and Hans' legs were around Kristoff's waist, and Kristoff slid forward to balance on one elbow and kiss Hans on the mouth--

And Anna realized that she'd only seen the two of them kiss once, before, that one night, Hans had made some kind of joke or dare and Kristoff had kissed him, and she only realized now that they'd been doing it as some kind of show or challenge or... or something. Because that. That was completely different. She'd felt that Hans kissed differently when he was showing off and when he just wanted to kiss someone, and now she could tell that Kristoff did, too, except she'd never noticed a difference...

 _That's how he kisses me,_ she thought, and then, _I hope that's how he kisses me..._

Kristoff came first, this time, mouthing satisfied noises with his face buried in Hans' hair. Hans lay stroking himself after, smiling lazily and grinning when Anna sat up next to him and again took his prick in her hand.

"Thanks," he said, lacing his fingers with hers briefly before pulling his hand away.

Hans could be greedy in bed, she added to her mental list, but he could be generous, too. He seemed to pride himself on being good at sex. He liked showing off.

And, she thought suddenly as she tightened her grip and felt him thrust up through her fingers, she really liked making him come. She liked that she could make him come. She might not be as good at it as Kristoff was, but she was still learning.

And she really did love both of them.

Even though it hurt to think that Hans had lied to her. Even though she worried she'd somehow lose Kristoff if she continued like this. Even though occasionally she was mad at Kristoff for thinking he could have Hans even though he thought she shouldn't. Even though in the end she was going to have to choose one of them.

Kristoff was watching her when Hans came, and she smiled at him, and he smiled back, but there was something funny in it.

"Hey, stop looking so serious, you two," Hans said, propping himself up on his elbows. "We're on vacation. Let's clean off and get some breakfast. I'm starving."

Anna was somewhat surprised when they went the rest of the day without having sex, but the mood had changed again and both of the guys seemed to feel it. They remade the bed under Kristoff's instructions, they took care of the horses and Sven and took a ride around the lake, they lay in the sauna and splashed in the water and gave each other backrubs, and Kristoff and Hans taught her dirty songs they'd heard growing up.

It was only after they'd helped each other scrub clean and tumbled naked into bed again that Anna felt bold enough to lean over Kristoff and ask, "Did you want to try having sex with me... that way?"

He looked surprised that she'd asked--very surprised. "You sure?"

"Of course," she said, suddenly not sure at all. "Why not?"

"Well, uh." He looked embarrassed. "Just... size. That's all."

They were so awkward about that. "Well, I mean, Hans can do it," she said, "So shouldn't I be able to?"

"Uh," Kristoff said. "I don't know. Girls are different."

"Not that different," Hans said from her other side.

"I just need to relax, right?" Anna said, turning to smile at him.

Hans grinned back at her. "Exactly." He leaned over and kissed her shoulder. "Mmm, want some help with that?"

"Sure," she said. She lay down on her stomach as Hans started kissing his way down her back, butterfly-light touches down her spine. It was only when he moved down to her butt that she suddenly thought, oh, he hadn't been kidding about that tongue thing--

And then oh, he _hadn't_ been kidding about that oh dear oh my oh woah.

"Eeeeeeeeee!" she said, or whined, or something that sounded more like a teakettle whistle than a word.

"What's wrong?" Hans said, pausing in _that thing he was doing._

"I, uh," she said, panting for breath and trying to get her thoughts together. "Isn't that... uh... dirty?"

He chuckled. "You just got out of the bath, silly," he reassured her, and kissed her on the butt again. "Did you like it?"

Anna took a deep breath and tried to separate the head-spinning feeling of _what the hell_ from the actual feeling of... well. "I think so?" she said. "I mean..."

"Here," Hans said, "I'll give you a chance to make up your mind." And then he was doing it again--his tongue pressing warm and wet and slippery up against her... there, and it was wrong and filthy and she shouldn't let him but she was so turned on she felt as though she could melt. And she knew his tongue was versatile, heaven knows she'd had plenty evidence of that the past couple days, but feeling him go from softly lapping at her skin to poking his way inside her ah ah ah--

"I'm not sure 'relaxed' is the word I'd use," Kristoff said wryly. 

"Trust me," Hans said.

Anna grabbed Kristoff's arm and hissed, "Don't distract him," which only made Hans laugh again.

Hans went back to licking her with renewed interest, and Kristoff kissed her on the cheek and asked, "So you do like it?"

And oh, she really didn't know what to say, how she felt embarrassed and confused but the sensation was really nice, and somehow that made the embarrassment better or different, and "Oh, yes," didn't seem to cover it but it was about all she could say.

"Here," Hans said after her head had stopped spinning, and then he was pushing a finger--that was two fingers!--inside her, gentle as you please, and it didn't even feel like a stretch, just like her body was welcoming him in.

"Here, let me," Kristoff said, and Anna nodded, remembering him carefully working Hans open, shivering as she felt his fingers replace Hans'. She could feel the difference; Hans' hands were nimble and smooth, Kristoff's were blunt and callused, but they were both oh so careful with her. And when Kristoff got on top of her and leaned over her back, pressing into her...

Oh, she could tell the difference. Maybe she'd been downplaying it because of how the guys had been awkwardly joking-but-really-serious about it, but she could definitely feel a stretching she hadn't felt before.

Kristoff stopped as soon as she felt it, and she wriggled a bit, trying to work the feeling out of those muscles. She'd never had much call to pay attention to that part of her body before. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe this was one of those things where practice made perfect.

"You okay?" Kristoff asked.

"Yeah," she said, because she was, just... "Stretched," she admitted.

"Okay," he said. "I'm just gonna..." he rocked his hips, a little, and she felt the tip of his dick press against her, not hard enough to hurt but enough to feel it was there. "Just a little? Uh, if I push too fast let me know."

"Okay," she said. His arms were braced against the bed up by her shoulders, and she reached out and grabbed his left hand. "I'll be okay."

It didn't take that long--it didn't feel as though it took that long. One moment she felt as though she couldn't bear it, and the next she could feel herself open up to him, and with a soft sigh he slid inside her, inch after inch pushing her open until he was buried full-length, lying warm and solid on top of her.

"Wow," Hans said softly, and she turned her head to see him watching them, felt his fingers gently brush her hip. "You guys are so..."

"Mmmm," Anna said. She closed her eyes again and tried shifting her hips, amazed at the feeling when she squeezed her muscles and felt the solidity of Kristoff's prick in response. For a minute, she was content just to feel, to breathe and stroke Kristoff's hand and feel him mouth at the back of her neck.

She was surprised when she felt herself wanting to move. She pushed herself back against Kristoff's hips, not getting more than a tiny shift. Kristoff grunted and rocked back into her, gentle pressure, and she demandingly drove her hips back as much as she could while pinned to the bed.

"Heh, here," Kristoff said, and in a swift movement wrapped his arm around her hips and sat back, pulling her suddenly upright and onto his thighs--and then he was setting her back on her knees, and he was still behind her and inside her but she could _move._

She put her hands on the bedspread and experimentally rocked forward. The slide of flesh inside her felt strange and discomforting and she stopped. "Hunh," she said. "I..."

Kristoff slid his fingers around her hips and tugged her backwards, and she slid back onto his cock with a sudden jolt, the smack when his hips met her butt loud in the silence. "Oh!" Anna said, then took a second to get her breath back. "Woah."

"Sorry!" Kristoff said, guiltily. "Are you okay?"

"Still okay," Anna said. She flexed her fingers against the bed, then tried repeating the motion on her own to figure out if she liked it.

It felt like a lot of sex was like that--overwhelming, confusing, but when she let herself keep trying, rewarding...

And she still wasn't sure about every part of this, but she liked feeling Kristoff inside her, and she liked the feeling of him sliding deeper into her, and the pressure of his hands covering her hips. She drove her hips back against him and he thrust forward to meet her, and that stunning impact hit again, dizzying her brain and making her gasp out loud.

"Ah, woah," Kristoff said. "We can slow down if you--"

"Slow is good," Anna said. "But I... I mean, I like..."

He took ahold and guided her through another thrust, and this time everything came together, like every motion was part of every other and he was part of her, and this time the burst of intense pleasure seemed to go right up her spine. "Yes!" she said in the moment after when she caught her breath, "Yes, that, I like _that."_

"Oh, good," Kristoff, said, and did it again. "I--like that--a lot--too--"

Anna groaned and put her head down to block out light and noise and everything but their bodies moving together. It was new and different and good, the way everything they'd tried so far had been new and different and good, and she felt herself let go and relax into his hands as the thought of that trust moved her.

Pleasure was building tight and low between her legs, and almost without thinking she braced herself on one hand and slid the other down to her clit. She felt herself slick and wet and gasped when she touched herself, the feeling almost too much to endure.

"Want me to do that for you?" Hans asked, and when she turned her head she saw him kneeling next to her, close enough to kiss. She nodded and his nimble, clever fingers slid over hers and he ducked to press a kiss to her shoulder. Not her mouth, though--oh, he was being polite, considering where his tongue had just been.

Recklessly, she threaded her fingers through his hair, pulled his mouth to hers, kissed him deep and long. He tasted like normal, like he'd said, maybe a little bit like soap, but he moaned against her like he had when Kristoff had been fucking him and rocked his fingers across her clit until she came.

When she had her breath back, Hans was staring at her and grinning. "Anna, you shock me," he said.

"I'm that shocking?" she said, still panting for air.

"You're amazing," Kristoff said, gently running a hand down her back. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

"He's so polite," Hans murmured, then, at Kristoff's inquiring noise, "You're too polite."

"Don't stop," Anna said, even though she felt satiated and more than a little tired. "No, don't stop, I want to feel you come."

Kristoff made a kind of throaty, gasping noise, and she felt him cradle her hips and start rocking into her again. "Won't be too long," he said, and she closed her eyes as his thrusts got sharper, shorter, more intense. "Oh, Anna--"

She almost came a second time at the feeling when he lost control and drove as hard as he could in a final effort to get deeper into her. As it was, when he finally pulled away and they collapsed on the bed together, her whole body was tingling again. She rolled up against him and pulled Hans into her arms, wanting to be touching as much of them as possible.

Hans nuzzled at her hair. "You two are so beautiful."

"I love you," Anna said. There was a silence, after that, so she cleared her throat and said, "Both of you, I mean."

There was another awkward moment, then Kristoff hugged her closer for a second and said, "Love you, too."

"Yeah," Hans said, shakily, "Love you, too... both of you, I mean."

Anna craned her neck to look at him. He had turned his face into the bed and wouldn't meet her eyes. After a second, Kristoff reached over her and clapped Hans on the shoulder, and they were for a moment all tangled together intertwined.

Hans shifted, after a second, and that's when Anna noticed his erection pressing into her leg. "Hey, lemme guess," she said. "You haven't come yet and you want to?"

He laughed, sounding incredulous. "Well, of course I _want_ to," he said. "But it's not pressing."

"It feels pressing to me," she quipped. "At least, it's pressing _against_ me, which isn't quite the same thing, I guess--"

"Eesh, you're rubbing off on her," Kristoff complained, then made an agonized sound. "I cannot believe I just said that."

"Well, I was _trying,"_ Hans said gamely, "But if you're going to interrupt--"

"Well, if you give me a minute," Kristoff said. "Unlike some people, I'm way too sensitive to enjoy being fucked right after I come."

Hans lifted his head and stare for a second. "Oh?"

Anna twisted herself around to look at Kristoff. He was flat on his back again and not really looking in Hans' direction. "You know," he said, "if you're interested."

"I--yes," Hans said. He sounded surprised. "I just didn't know you liked it."

Kristoff raised his head and gave Hans an incredulous look.

"Well, you know," Hans said, ducking his head. "Some guys are funny about it."

"Nobody I know," Kristoff said. "It feels good."

Anna couldn't quite make out Hans' expression at that. He looked thoughtful, but also like he found something funny. "Well. It's the concerted opinion of some people that a man getting fucked is showing a distinct lack of proper masculinity and respect for his station."

"Yeah, well, whoever told you that sounds like an asshole," Kristoff replied. "You wanna fuck me, or not?"

Hans laughed. "Well, with that invitation..."

Anna stole another kiss as he climbed over her. "How do you want to do this?" Hans asked as he straddled Kristoff's thigh and unscrewed the jar of Vaseline.

"I like being on my back," Kristoff said, "But if you'd rather..."

"No, that's good," Hans said. Kristoff nodded and grabbed one of their pillows, lifting his butt off the bed and sticking the padding under his hips as Hans concentrated on slicking himself up.

Hans was different with Kristoff than he'd been with her, Anna noticed. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch. She would have thought he'd be just as cocky, just as self-assured as he'd been earlier. But he was carefully watching Kristoff's expression, cautiously slicking up his fingers, gently warming Kristoff up until he was squirming and moaning deep in his throat. And he leaned down to nuzzle at Kristoff's chest, mouthing at his nipples, licking down to his navel and digging in his tongue. Kristoff reached down to ruffle Hans' hair at that, and Hans looked up and grinned.

Anna sat up to get a better view, suddenly intent on watching this. It was playful, but there was a strange edge to Hans' movements, like he was trying to prove something. He leaned over Kristoff, bracing himself with one hand and using the fingers of the other to tease him until Kristoff shook his head and swore, "Dammit, come on--"

Payback, maybe, Anna thought as Hans grinned and positioned his hips. For yesterday. Hans slid inside and Kristoff sighed and relaxed into it, head lolling back and eyes closing. Hans leaned over and kissed just at the hollow of his throat and Kristoff smiled lazily.

Then Hans braced himself and started fucking, in earnest, and Anna felt a twist of admiration and desire and jealousy all mixed up. She was too sore to actually want to be where Kristoff was, but part of her was intent on the waves of want which seemed to be consuming her from about navel to knees.

But she could watch, as Hans reached down to tilt Kristoff's hips back and finally just slid his shoulder under Kristoff's knee, so that Kristoff's legs were splayed open and he was laid out and as vulnerable as she'd ever seen him. His eyes glazed over and he reached down and grabbed Hans by the hips, pulling him closer--

And the noises Kristoff started making, when Hans shifted his balance and got Kristoff's hips even higher, those were amazing. Maybe it was just something about getting fucked. Hans was quieter, now, breathing hard and eyes half-lidded in concentration, but he'd been as noisy when he'd been pinned to the bed. Kristoff was breathing out in throaty moans which started rising in pitch, keening, sexy noises which made Anna flush and shiver in sympathy.

Hans came first, this time, suddenly crying out and thrusting harder into Kristoff's body. Gently, he shifted his weight so that Kristoff's legs were back on the mattress, as Kristoff gripped himself and started stroking himself to another finish.

Anna didn't try to touch either of them, suddenly feeling shy, like she shouldn't have been watching. Kristoff came with a groan, white spurts coating his stomach, and Hans immediately lay down on top of him, causing Kristoff to laugh wrap his arms around Hans' waist. Anna sat awkwardly watching them until Hans reached out to grab her wrist and tug her closer.

"Oh, I--"

"C'mere," Hans said lazily. Kristoff reached out to beckon her as well.

Anna eased herself down to lie beside them, and both of the men reached out to hug her close. She felt some of the tightness around her heart ease.

"Mmm," Hans said. "We should probably clean off and get some sleep."

Kristoff sighed and nodded. "You okay, Anna?"

She wasn't entirely sure she was. Her feelings were being tugged back and forth and she wanted some of this trip not to have happened, no matter how sexy it was watching Hans and Kristoff with each other. She was confused and befuddled every time they weren't paying attention to her, and then she felt guilty for being selfish.

Anna buried her face in Kristoff's shoulder and said with as much conviction as she could muster, "I love both of you. Don't leave me alone, okay?"

"Of course we won't," Kristoff said. He sounded surprised.

"We're here, Anna," Hans said. He patted her back reassuringly. "You can relax."

She wanted to. She tried. That night she curled up in their arms to sleep, and woke up with both her arms locked around Hans' waist and one of them completely asleep from his weight.

They woke lazily, caressed each other; they were gentle with her and she with them, feeling strangely as though if she moved too roughly or too suddenly they'd vanish.

They rode back down to the castle in the late morning, back in time for lunch. It was like waking from a dream, coming home. The town felt busy and crowded and suddenly Anna felt like everyone was looking at her.

But it was going to be okay. Hans and Kristoff loved her. That was true. That meant it was all going to be okay.

Also, she reminded herself as she saw people smiling and waving, she was the princess. Of course people were looking at her. It didn't mean they were judging her for taking two guys into a cabin in the woods for a weekend of debauchery.

It wasn't until they rode into the castle and met her sister, Kai and Gerta that people were actually _judging_ her.

"So," Elsa said as she took Anna's arm and somewhat forcibly drew her into the castle and apart from Hans and Kristoff, "How was everything?"

"Everything was great," Anna said, more cheerily than she felt.

Elsa turned and gave her a look.

Anna sighed. "I still don't know what to do."

She thought that her sister would be annoyed with her, but Elsa just looked sympathetic. She took Anna by the hand and drew her to a seat by the fireplace. "Anna, I really do just want you to be happy."

"But..." Anna said.

Elsa frowned slightly and squeezed her hand. "But nothing. You're my sister and I love you."

Anna suddenly felt like she'd been carrying a huge ball of tension around with her and had just gotten permission to drop it. She slumped over against Elsa's shoulder, feeling the ice fabric of her dress crinkly and slightly chilly against her cheek. "I didn't decide anything," she said. "Except I love both of them and don't want either of them to leave. And I know that's... a problem. Father Johannes--"

Elsa put her arm around Anna's shoulders and hugged her closer. "Let me deal with Father Johannes. I'm just still worried about Prince Hans."

"Me, too," Anna admitted. "But... I really want it to work out. And I think he does, too."

Elsa shifted uncomfortably. "Well."

"I know this isn't--" Anna said, then cut herself off as she wasn't entirely sure what this was, or wasn't.

"I guess I should have expected that after years with no men around at all, you'd grab as many as you could handle when you got the opportunity," Elsa said dryly.

Anna felt herself flushing. "Well," she said. "I know it's not normal. Or helpful. Or... princess-y."

Elsa reached up to tug gently on one of her braids. "I froze the kingdom at my coronation," she said. "I can't really criticize your choices on grounds of propriety."

"Which was also my fault--"

"Which was _not,"_ Elsa said forcibly. "And yes, it would totally be easier if you did things normally and settled down with one guy and got married... but I don't want you to feel bad that you're not. I want you to take as much time as you need to figure out what you really want."

Anna twisted her foot to dig her toe into the carpet. "What if I never figure it out?"

"We'll all live in notoriety forever," Elsa said. "Deal?"

Anna laughed. "Deal. I love you, sis."

"Love you, too," Elsa said. "And Anna? Keep it to your bedrooms. Gerta gave me an earful about the carpet in the library."

So that was mortifying. Anna basically couldn't look Kai or Gerta in the eye for the rest of the day.

A couple of important things happened over the next week. The first was that a couple days later, she got proof that she hadn't gotten pregnant. Messy, inconvenient proof, but for the first time in her life it was welcome instead of just another way she'd get her clothes and her sheets dirty.

(She had to explain to Kristoff what she was talking about. Hans wasn't allowed to help.)

And four days after that, Kai handed Hans a message while the three of them were hanging out in the library--completely innocently, waiting for dinner, trying to teach Kristoff chess, though Anna couldn't help feeling embarrassed when Kai walked in on them.

Hans cracked the seal and quickly unfolded the letter, eyes darting over the page. Then he smiled in relief. "They've lifted the quarantine," he said. "Everyone's all right--well," he amended, looking back over the words, "My brothers are all alive, anyway."

"That's good," Anna said.

Hans shrugged. "I wouldn't have minded too much if something painful and permanent had happened to Egon, though I guess this is good, too." He looked up, caught her eye, and pulled a face. "You haven't met him."

"I've had cousins like that," Kristoff said, and moved his knight. "Uh, check? I think?"

Anna looked back down at the board as Hans picked up the letter again. She was about to move her king when Hans said, "Also, father wants me to come home."

Her stomach gave a lurch, and for a moment she couldn't concentrate on the pieces. "Well, you should probably go, right?" she asked, shifting her king back a space without really looking. "I mean... it's family."

Hans snorted. "Not my family. I'm tempted to tell him to go hang."

Part of Anna was relieved, the part that wanted all of them to just stay in Arendelle and preserve this delicate balance they'd created. She didn't want to lose him now that she'd gotten everything the way she wanted it, her sister and parties and company and Hans and Kristoff together.

Kristoff slid his queen all the way across the board. "Check," he said. "And... I think that's checkmate?"

Anna looked down and frowned. "No? I can... no, never mind." She tipped her king onto its side. "You're getting really good."

Hans sighed and folded the letter against his chest.

"You should go," Anna said reluctantly. "It's your family, they want to see you."

"There is that obligation," Hans said, and he didn't sound happy about it. His eyes drifted shut for a long breath, and then he suddenly opened them, wide. "Hey," he said, in a tone of voice Anna hadn't heard him use for a while. "Can I say something crazy?"


	7. A Fall Breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hans deals in a healthy way with his family, Kristoff assists in any way he can, and Anna gets what she's been asking for.

The biggest difficulty in getting them all to the Southern Isles turned out to be Anna's servants. Or rather, the lack thereof.

Hans had been in Arendelle long enough that the small cadre of household staff didn't seem that strange to him, but still, it was a bit of a sight to see Gerta, who ran the household, arguing strenuously that Anna was not going anywhere without her, and Anna arguing back that she could take care of herself for a few days, and Gerta arguing back that was as well as maybe, but Anna was a princess, and princesses didn't go on a journey like this by themselves, and Anna making the point that she wasn't alone, she was going to be with Hans and Kristoff, and Gerta's expression getting quite incredulous as she argued that was the point, a young woman alone was bad enough, but a young princess alone with two men was absolutely unacceptable, to the point that Hans stepped aside and suggested to Her Majesty Queen Elsa that the Southern Isles were recovering from an influenza epidemic and nobody was going to be paying attention to propriety much at all, at which point Elsa announced that Anna could do what she thought best.

That got them onto the boat, at least.

It wasn't a long journey, but it gave Hans plenty of time to fret that he was doing something incredibly stupid.

It was his home, but... well, there was a reason he'd gone north to Arendelle, that sleepy little backwoods kingdom where nothing ever happened to the point where the royal family could shut themselves up for ten years without anyone minding. Home was full of family, and his family was full of... full of...

Full of the people who had produced him, to be short about it.

What was he doing bringing Anna and Kristoff to that pit of vipers? Especially if he loved them. Which he did, right?

Hans really didn't want to have that particular conversation with Kristoff, who was still helpfully informing him when he did or said anything particularly appalling, by Kristoff and Anna's standards. Bad enough that he'd lied about being in love with someone once. Worse would be being wrong about it after he'd told them twice. Especially when he'd made such a big production of it.

Part of him wanted to leave Anna to Kristoff's passionate embrace and flee for home on his own, where at least when he expected a knife in the back he was usually right. It was simpler, in a way; he didn't have to trust anyone, he just had to get his before anyone else did, because nobody was looking out for the youngest son's birthright. Simple. Straightforward.

He wanted Kristoff and Anna there partly because he didn't want to turn into that person again.

The royal marina was still staffed adequately when they pulled into port; they were met by guards and a couple of footmen to take their bags. They were packed into carriages and led in a small and mercifully quiet procession up to the castle on the only hill overlooking the city.

Hans' brother Erik was there to meet them. He looked bored.

Erik had always had a sullen face, Hans reflected as he helped Anna down from the carriage. Limp blond hair, moody eyes, pouting lips. He hadn't quite gotten all of their father's height, a situation Hans had reason to be thankful for.

"Hullo, Hans," Erik said. "How was your trip?"

"Lovely," Hans said evenly. "May I present Princess Anna of Arendelle, and Kristoff Bjorgman, Royal Ice Master of Arendelle, our companion." He'd been sure that title was going to come in handy when Kristoff had told him about it, and he already felt better having it ready for the introductions.

"Welcome to the Southern Isles," Erik said, bowing over Anna's hand. "Prince Erik, at your service."

"Number eleven of thirteen," Hans told Anna and Kristoff.

Erik shot him a swift glare. "Father wants to see you, once you've settled in."

"I look forward to it," Hans lied. "Come on, let's go find our rooms."

Being the youngest had some disadvantages, but it did mean that his room was located near the guest quarters. Anna was given a room just across the hall, and Kristoff the room next door to his. Hans let them arrange their luggage how they liked it while he swiped Cecil, the second-in command of the household staff, and arranged for someone to see to Kristoff and Anna's needs.

Cecil was too well-bred to give his opinion on their travel arrangements, but Hans could feel his judgement like hot breath on his neck as he went back down the hall.

He found Kristoff and Anna both in Anna's room. She was sitting on the bed, he was gingerly sitting on one of the chairs, but they both stood up when he walked in. "So," Hans said, "What do you think?"

Anna grinned, ran over and threw her arms around him. "It's so great! This is so much fun! When do we get to meet everyone?"

A little taken aback, Hans cleared his throat and said, "Well, my father wanted to see me, which will probably take a while... why don't we find Erik again and have him show you around?"

"That sounds great!" Anna said, bouncing a little on her toes.

Hans stuck his head out into the hallway and immediately noticed Erik, leaning on the wall beside the door and smirking.

Hans glowered. Erik nodded his head at the doorway and raised his eyebrows.

Hans motioned him over. Just before he stepped through the doorway, Hans clapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "Best behavior. Or I'll tell father about the time you paid the French Ambassador's daughter to give you a handjob."

Erik gave him a baleful look, then put on his public face and opened the door. "Who wants the grand tour?"

Kristoff looked Hans' way in mute appeal as Anna bounded out the door. Hans shrugged and mouthed, "Later?"

"Later," Kristoff agreed, and then Hans was alone, with the staff and several bags' worth of other people's luggage.

"Settling in" before a meeting with his father meant getting cleaned up and wearing clothes that hadn't suffered the deprivation of the road. Fortunately the plumbing in the castle had been brought up to scratch some years ago, so drawing a bath was a matter of minutes instead of an hour. He probably spent more time than he needed to cleaning himself off. He certainly spent more time than he needed fiddling with his cravat pin in the mirror.

But finally he was standing in front of the doors of his father's rooms, waiting to be announced, wondering if he still had time to round up Anna and Kristoff and catch the first ship back to Arendelle if he hurried.

"Prince Hans," his father's footman announced.

Hans took a deep breath and stepped into his father's room.

Taking a deep breath outside the door turned out to have been a good idea. The room was full of the stench of candles and perfumes, covering the sticky smell of illness.

His father was in a chair by the window, but the curtains had been drawn shut and the king's face was in shadow. He looked smaller than Hans remembered.

"Hello, father," Hans said, walking toward the window. 

King Preben, second of his name, royal majesty of the Southern Isles and the waters surrounding them, raised his head from his chest and peered hawkishly in Hans' direction. "So you've come back," he said. "And you've brought a tart from the north and some woodcutter's son I presume one of you is fucking. Dare I ask if she's agreed to marry you?"

"Princess Anna did, indeed, agree to marry me," Hans said, deciding to elide the particulars for now. "And that's Arendelle's royal ice master you're slandering."

"Royal ass kisser, is what that title sounds like," the king said snidely, which was accurate but in bad taste to mention.

"You will have better manners at dinner, I presume?" Hans drawled. "If not, I can ask Dr. Stanley to drug you senseless beforehand. It'll improve your conversation immensely."

"Now, listen here, you whelp." His father struggled upright in his chair, bracing his hands against the armrests and heaving himself to a more vertical position. "I know what you've been up to, and that might have been fine while you were sowing wild oats in Paris but I won't have you dragging the family name into it."

The sting in his chest was there, even though he'd told himself this was coming. "I didn't know I was."

His father's eyes were beady and glittering, like a seabird spying some particularly appealing bit of garbage. "No son of mine is going to lie down and take it up the ass from a moose-faced peasant, no matter what kind of royal title he's conned himself into or what his cock tastes like. And I'm not going to sit here and watch you carry on with a princess like she's your personal whore, whatever promises you've made her and her sister to get her into your bed."

Well. Erik had gotten here first, after all.

Hans took a deep breath. "You have an explicit imagination, father," he said. "Are you planning on hiding in my sheets the entire time I'm here?"

"You'll behave yourself," his father spat. "You'll send that embarrassment home and you'll marry that girl or send her home with him. Or you won't be any son of mine, and I'll make that official."

At first there was just a chill in his stomach, as he took a few breaths and put the words together, and then he felt the red wash of anger. Forcing down his emotions, he said, "Well, I certainly hope you're not going to revoke my offer of hospitality for the night. We were expecting dinner."

"We'll feed them," his father said. He sounded less resentful than angry. "But I won't be any part of it."

"We'll miss you," Hans said insincerely, but before he finished his father started coughing violently. Dr. Stanley appeared suddenly out of the shadows, leaning over the sick man and pressing a stethoscope to his chest.

"Well, then," Hans said as he watched Stanley pull a few vials out of his bag and drop multicolored liquids into a wine glass. "I'll leave you to it."

His father waved him out and then used both hands to raise the glass of medicine to his mouth.

The walk back to his room passed in a blur. He'd made it behind closed doors and pulled off his jacket and waistcoat before there was a tap on the door.

Kristoff and Anna were on the other side of the door. Hans sighed and propped it open.

"How'd it go?" Kristoff asked as they came in. Anna just hugged him as soon as the door shut behind them. Hans shrugged, and Anna tilted her head back and looked at him through concerned bats of her eyelashes.

"Well, you know," he said. "It's my father. We've never seen eye to eye on almost anything."

Anna still looked confused. He tried smiling it off and giving her a kiss on the head. "It's fine. He just wanted to chew me out for not treating you right. He's too sick to make it to dinner, but that just means you won't have to deal with him snarling at you."

Kristoff's expression when he looked up was seriously dubious. Hans took a deep breath and asked, "Can you do me a favor?"

Kristoff blinked. "Uh, sure?"

"Lock the door," Hans said. "Fuck me. Hard. Leave bruises."

He didn't really realize the full impact of what he'd said or how he'd sounded until he realized both Anna and Kristoff were staring at him. "Yeeeah," Kristoff said after a second. "I can do that..."

"I'll get the door," Anna said, and squirmed out of his embrace.

Hans backed up, leading Kristoff further into his bedroom, until his calves hit the bed and he sat back onto the mattress. Kristoff leaned over him and ran a rough hand up the back of his thigh to cup his ass, then roughly pushed him over onto his stomach.

"Got any stuff in here?" Kristoff asked as Hans started awkwardly forcing off the rest of his clothes.

"Bedside table," Hans said. He was down to his underwear when Kristoff's hand on the small of his back stopped him moving entirely.

There was movement behind him, the scrape of the drawer and then the rattle of the jar opening. Then another second and Kristoff's fingers were pushing inside him, thick and callused and exquisite, and he bit down on his blankets to keep from making any noise.

Kristoff seemed to hesitate, then, his fingers still, but after a second he pressed Hans into the mattress with all his weight, and then--there! Ah! Fuck yes!

No teasing, this time, no excruciating waiting, just Kristoff's cock and that stretch and that blissful inability to focus on anything else. His world narrowed to immediate sensation--the fingers digging into his skin, the rough bite of fabric as his nipples dragged over the cloth of his undershirt, and the exquisite and perfect feeling of being fucked, opened, _used,_ and he writhed and moaned and bit down harder to stop from screaming. He wanted to scream. He wanted everyone in the whole damn castle to hear him, damn them all, damn it, damn it--

And then Kristoff put his mouth on his neck and bit down right on the exposed joint, and it was shock and pain and heavenly, all wrapped up in the pleasure and the penetration and it was all he could do not to yell at the top of his lungs as he came.

And this time Kristoff didn't even hesitate in fucking him through his orgasm, and it went on and on and on until he felt like raw nerves inside and out, every movement lightning behind his eyes, until he heard Kristoff cry out softly, driving into him as deep as he could and holding there, until they were both sated, all motion ceased.

Hans felt fingers in his hair. Blinking sweat out of his eyes, he turned his head to see Anna sitting next to him, watching him curiously.

"Mmmm," he said. "Sometimes you just need to get fucked."

"Yeah, I get that," she said. "Feel better?"

"Much," he said. For a moment, he couldn't even remember why he'd been upset earlier.

Oh, right. Father telling him he couldn't do this or he'd be disowned. That was it.

"We should..." he rubbed at his eyes. "We should probably clean up before dinner."

Kristoff kissed him gently on the back of his neck, then got off him so he could pick himself up. Hans felt a bit wobbly, but he got his underwear and his pants back on as Kristoff neatened himself up. "So, uh," Kristoff asked, "how formal is dinner, anyway?"

"Well, father won't be there, so it'll be informal," Hans said, and then his mind caught up with him. "Er, more formal than anything in Arendelle, but not super fancy. I'd wear the second or third-nicest thing you have."

"Thanks," Kristoff said, and he didn't even sound sarcastic.

Anna looked like she was going to say something, but there was a tapping at the door.

Hans felt his blood freeze. He grabbed his house coat, abandoned on a chair after his bath earlier, and tugged it on as he crossed to the door. He wrapped the collar close around his neck as he pulled the door open a sliver.

It was Dr. Stanley, waiting patiently with his bag, but none of his family seemed to be in evidence.

"May I speak to you, your highness?" the doctor asked.

Hans frowned and pulled the door open. "Sure," he said, and turned to Kristoff and Anna. "I'll come get you for dinner?"

"Sure," Anna said. The two of them exchanged awkward nods with the doctor as they left.

Dr. Stanley was a small man with dark skin and eyes who always stood with impeccable posture; his hair was neatly combed and his beard and mustache trimmed to a precise half-inch. His family had been doctors to the royal family of the Southern Isles for the last three centuries (except for that unfortunate interlude from 1725 to 1732), and Hans had memories of that same patient gaze inspecting his skinned knees and twisted ankles and broken collarbone.

Right now, Hans didn't have patience for inspection. "So I suppose father sent you," he said. "You're supposed to examine me to see if I've been--how did he put it? Taking it up the ass from a jumped-up peasant? Come to check if I've been good? Well," he snarled, shrugging out of the robe and then stripping off his undershirt, "Here I am."

Stanley looked him up and down, eyes lingering on his left shoulder where Kristoff's teeth had been. Hans knew he bruised easily. There were already red marks above his hips from Kristoff's fingers, he still smelled like semen and grease, and he was pretty sure he could feel the heat of his entire life going up in flames.

"I wasn't sent by your father," Stanley finally said, "Though I can give you some iodine for that bite."

Involuntarily, Hans reached up to touch the spot, and his fingers came back streaked with blood. He licked them off and grimaced. "Who did send you, then?"

"I sent myself," the doctor said. He opened his bag and drew out a small brown bottle and a bandage. "Sit down for a second and I'll see to that. We're particularly sensitive to infection these days."

Hans found a chair and sat. Dr. Stanley wiped his shoulder with stinging liquid, then pressed the bandage to his neck and taped it in place. "Your father," the doctor said when he finished working, "is in the process of dying."

"He's been doing that for years," Hans muttered.

"Prince Martin's illness rather accelerated the process, I'm afraid," Dr. Stanley said.

 _It would,_ Hans thought, then, "Wait, no one wrote me anything about Martin--"

"His lungs, I'm afraid," Dr. Stanley said. "He's likely to recover, but it was bad for a while."

That chill was back. Hans reached out and grabbed his abandoned house coat and pulled it around his shoulders. Martin was his eldest brother, number one out of thirteen, the _heir_ \--and while they'd never been close in any sense, Hans had always maintained a certain fondness for him. Martin was studious, attentive, firm, not particularly charming or witty--Hans thought that he was the kind of man who would have gone into the priesthood if the Southern Isles had tried to have a state religion after the smoking ruin they made of their last one in '44. And if he hadn't been heir, of course.

Hans cleared his throat and said, "Is there anything else that nobody thought to mention to me?"

"Not much." Dr. Stanley clicked his bag closed. "Your father isn't an idiot, Hans. He wants you to be discreet."

Hans rolled his eyes.

Stanley shook his head. "Act how you please, you always have. But if you insult Arendelle and your brothers have to manage the repairs, you're not going to do yourself any favors. Where do you think our ice comes from?"

"Let me guess," Hans said. "Father got an excellent deal in a treaty twelve years ago and he doesn't intend to renegotiate now."

"That's not my purview." Stanley gave him a stern look. "My job is to look after your father's health. Stop trying to shock him, you won't succeed and you'll just make him angry. Do you want my advice?"

"I never turn down free advice from a professional," Hans said, much more calmly than he felt.

"Marry the girl. Keep your friend with you if you like. Reside in Arendelle and stay out of trouble." Dr. Stanley's eyebrows raised slightly. "Do you think that's within your capabilities?"

It sounded--fine, actually. It had even been the solution that Hans had been toying with in the back of his mind, a neat solution to a number of problems.

But somehow, hearing it stated so baldly made him balk. Perhaps it was just his natural disinclination to his father's meddling. Perhaps it was the way Stanley was looking at him, like Hans was a wayward child who just needed the obvious solution pointed out to him.

"I'll certainly consider it carefully," Hans said. "Thank you."

Dr. Stanley narrowed his eyes. "Don't get her in trouble."

"You are not the first person to mention the possibility," Hans said dryly.

"Good. I'll leave you, then." Dr. Stanley hesitated briefly with his hand on the door. "Welcome home, your highness."

Welcome home, indeed.

Dinner was a small affair, though by the standards of the intimate engagements in Arendelle it was downright crowded. Martin was conspicuously absent, as was Christian, who spent most summers in the ducal seat he'd married into with his wife and their family. Hans had sudden sympathy for that decision. But the rest of his brothers were there, even Egon, and six of them had brought wives along, so the table didn't feel empty.

Hans gamely kept up with the traded banter, the veiled insults and almost-tellings of horrible stories, but it was clear that Kristoff and Anna were both at sea. Kristoff at least seemed to understand the game and ignore it, smiling and nodding and letting sideways glances and snide remarks both sail past, but Anna went from exuberant to compsed to reserved over the course of the meal, to the point where she barely made a dent in her chocolate tartouffe. The sight of Anna refusing chocolate, more than anything else on the visit, made Hans want to stick a fork in the eye of his nearest relative. Which was Egon, both by age and seating arrangement, so Hans was pretty sure the rest of his brothers wouldn't mind.

It was with far less enthusiasm that they retired to their rooms at the end of the meal. Well, to Anna's room, mostly because she'd taken both of them by the wrists and wouldn't let go until they were alone in her room with the doors shut.

Then she turned to Hans and said, "Your family is terrible."

He laughed. "Welcome to the Southern Isles. You're absolutely correct."

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and shuddered. "I didn't know people could be that mean, like, all the time."

Hans took a deep breath and put his arms around her. "I know this isn't going to be reassuring," he said, "But they didn't mean all of it. They just look for weaknesses and can't help themselves. It's like a game."

"Yeah, that's not better," Anna said.

"On the other hand, some things make a lot more sense," Kristoff said. "But yeah. Look, I don't know about this royalty stuff, is there a way we can... not do that again?"

"We could leave," Hans said, only half-joking.

And then, again...

"We _could_ leave," he repeated, this time with feeling. "Yeah. Yeah, let's get out of here."

Anna and Kristoff were staring at him. "Well, okay," Anna said. "Where? Back to Arendelle?"

"You ever been to Paris?" he said. "No, never mind, I know the answer to that. Do you want to go?"

Kristoff opened his mouth, looked at Anna, shut his mouth again. "Can we just do that?"

"I... guess?" Anna said. "I haven't really traveled... at all, before."

"Of course we can," Hans said. "I have money and a line of credit at the Paris National Bank. It takes two days to get there, two back, we were supposed to be here for two weeks, what say we leave tomorrow? Early? First light?"

"Yes," Anna said. "Let's do it."

"I still don't speak French," Kristoff said, "But..."

"Don't worry," Hans said. "I'll finish teaching you everything you need to know on the train over."

They announced their intentions at breakfast, much less formal--"Invitations to the Salon d'Autumne, very sudden, _must_ go," Hans said breezily, and ordered all their things packed without stopping to listen if anyone objected. They were almost finished loading up, in fact, when he got passed a message that Martin wanted to talk to him before he left.

That was worrying. Hans left Anna and Kristoff supervising the last details and followed Cecil to the conservatory.

His father's condition had been expected. Seeing Martin propped up in a chair by the window, blanket over his legs, complexion far more ashen than the last time Hans had seen him--well. Unexpected was the least he could say.

"Hello, Martin," he said. "You wanted to see me?"

Martin cracked an eyelid and smirked. "Hans," he said. "Little brother. Welcome home. How was Arendelle? Everything you dreamed?"

Hans shrugged. "Arendelle was nice," he said. "You may have heard we got a little snow."

"Mm, yes, we heard stories," Martin said. "We just got the brush with death."

Hans took a deep breath. "Don't think you'll get me to stick around out of sympathy. We have a date with an artist's collective that I can't afford to miss."

Martin waved his hand. "Try that on our other brothers. I just wanted to see you before you vanished. I know you'd rather hide out and build a love nest with your paramours than deal with father's disapproval, and in your place I'd do the same."

Hans grimaced. "Is everyone just sitting around judging me? Never mind, I know the answer to that."

"You'd be amazed at how much an influenza quarantine leaves everyone starving for new gossip," Martin said. "Before you judge father too harshly, think about how he's handling that."

"Honestly," Hans said, "I don't know why everyone thinks I'm the judgmental one. I just want what all of us want. To be happy," he clarified at Martin's dubious expression. "I don't understand why that's so controversial."

"Don't play dumb with me. You know we all have to make sacrifices."

"I still don't understand why I should stand for being the sacrificial goat."

Martin tilted his head back and gave Hans a long look through narrowed eyes. "Hans, let me put it this way," he said. "I don't know if you're hoping that I'll protect you when father finally dies, but there are some decrees of his that I can't change, and some of them that I won't. I hope you understand me."

Hans sighed and shook his head. It had been a forlorn hope, anyway. "You're telling me I should look for a job."

"Well, if your princess can find one for her 'Royal Ice Master' she can probably find one for you," Martin said.

"What is everyone's objection to Kristoff?" Hans asked, as if he didn't know. "He's really quite nice once you get to know him."

"Have a nice vacation, Hans," Martin said. "And do come back married--or alone."

"How'd it go?" Anna asked when he climbed into the carriage next to them.

"Oh, fine," Hans said distractedly. Maybe they could just live in Paris. "I didn't realize he'd been so sick. But he's doing better now."

"That's good," Anna said. Kristoff was giving him that look like he'd picked up from context that Hans was lying about something, but he couldn't figure out what.

"Yeah," Hans said. "It's really good. Let's get going; we don't want to miss the ferry."

Hans didn't entirely relax until they were on the train at Lodz and heading at a good clip toward Zubrowka. Family. What was one to do? The only thing that had ever worked in the past was to keep one step ahead of them, refusing to be tied down to any one particular preference or plan. He'd thrown out plenty of potential matches and allies and possessions in the past, just because it had been easier to give his brothers or his father the victory and go find something he liked better now that they'd ruined the last thing. It was easier not to have firm preferences. It didn't stop him from having fun, and if he had to completely change his mind every few months, well...

Well. Apparently that made Kristoff and Anna think he was a bit of a monster.

He stared out the window at the pastoral countryside and decided not to consider any of those things until he was back from Paris. His family would take care of themselves, and his father would either decide that him making a scandal of himself in Paris was following his instructions or not, and that would be that.

Kristoff and Anna were enjoying their first time on a train. They spent most of the first hour of the trip getting a full tour, all the way from first class back to the baggage compartments. They returned in time for lunch, where they met a Grand Duchess and her niece who were planning on wintering in a hotel in the alps. Anna glowed in their company, and Hans thought about his family and contemplated fratricide again.

The next day, they rolled into Paris.

Paris was lovely in autumn. Leaves were just beginning to turn, and evening breezes had a nip in the air that invited scarves and tiny cups of strong coffee. They got a suite at the Grand Hotel, enough rooms for all of them on the same level, though they took one look at one of the giant beds and all piled into it together, giggling and bouncing and swatting each other with the overstuffed pillows.

"Mmm," Hans said, when they'd collapsed together, all arms and legs tangled together, "I know what we should do."

"What's that?" Anna said.

"We should go to this doctor I know," he said.

Anna and Kristoff both gave him a look.

Hans rolled his eyes. "She took care of the girls I knew the last time I was here."

It took a moment, but then Anna's eyes went wide. "Oh. Yes. Yes, we should."

They caught a cab outside the hotel, and in a matter of minutes they were at the unprepossessing building that held the clinic. The doctor, a no-nonsense woman who refused to be impressed by anything, swept Anna into the examination room while her nurse, a petite young lady with shockingly short hair, took one look at Hans and Kristoff and offered to sell them a packet of French letters.

"What's she talking about?" Kristoff asked.

"Condoms?" Hans said.

Kristoff looked at him blankly for a moment, then slapped his hand over his face. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Have you ever used one?" Hans asked him.

"Well, no," Kristoff admitted, "But I know what they are."

"Well, first off, they're very, very, very uncomfortable," Hans said. "Speaking as someone who has. They're a pain. This is easier."

"Okay, but seriously, I know a place in Arendelle we could have just--"

"Second," Hans overruled him, "I don't think they come in your size."

Kristoff went silent rather suddenly, and also started blushing. "Oh."

"I know, I know," Hans said, grinning, "It's just another one of those ways that going through life with an enormous penis is a challenge and a hardship, but you're just going to have to bear it."

"Shut up," Kristoff said, crossing his arms tightly as though he was trying to shrink himself and disappear.

 _"Pardonnez-moi,"_ Hans asked the nurse, _"[Do you have anything for a particularly well-endowed gentleman? My friend here--]"_

"I am not following all of that but I think I'm going to have to kill you," Kristoff muttered.

 _"[But of course!]"_ The nurse beamed at them. _"[No need to be embarrassed, we cater to all kinds of gentlemen. We have many sizes in stock, and some which come with the extra something for your lady friend?]"_

Hans blinked. _"[I think my friend already has the extra something, but what are you talking about?]"_

"Did you just ask to see a sales sample?" Kristoff asked as the nurse ducked behind her desk.

"I may have just asked to see a goodness what is that?" Hans said as the nurse placed a tray of unwrapped condoms on her desk.

Kristoff leaned over the offered items, curious. "They have... bumps?"

"And waves," Hans agreed. _"[Textures?]"_ he asked the nurse. _"[Are these popular?]"_

 _"Oui, m'seuir,"_ she agreed. _"[They are quite new, and already many women say they prefer them. Also, we have these--]"_ she ducked behind the counter again, and the new tray she brought up was full of even more fantastical examples.

"Okay," Hans said, examining a rubber sheath covered in what appeared to be feathers. "I think that's a little much."

"Is that the Eiffel Tower?" Kristoff asked, pointing at another one.

"It is!" Hans laughed. "I don't think even I could manage to keep a straight face with an architectural model attached to my-- _[Are_ these _popular? How much do you charge for something like this?]"_

 _"[These are hand-sculpted,]"_ the nurse said, smirking herself, _"[This one is twenty francs.]"_

"Twenty?" It was all he could do to keep from reeling in shock. Then he started laughing again. "I have to buy one."

"You do not!" Kristoff said, startled. "Look, we don't actually need these, we can just wait for Anna--"

 _"[One of the architectural models, please,]"_ Hans said.

"Are you actually going to wear that?" Kristoff said, looking completely perplexed as the nurse carefully powdered and wrapped Hans' purchase.

"Probably not for a more than a minute," Hans admitted. "But the effect will be worth it. Come on, it'll be great."

"Whatever makes you happy," Kristoff said, "But remember, I'll be laughing at that, not at you."

"You're learning how to be a gentleman," Hans said as Anna came out with the doctor from the back room.

"What are you two laughing about?" Anna said, which just made Hans start laughing again.

"I'll show you later," Hans said, "I promise. Are you all set?"

"Yes," Anna said. "I think we should go back to the hotel. Like... right now."

"Ahh--hhhh," Hans said, feeling his laughter turn to a wheeze in his throat. "Yes. Yes we should." 

"Do we need to pay or anything?" Kristoff asked. 

Anna grabbed Kristoff's hand and started hauling him toward the door. "Nope. We're set. Home now."

Hans didn't even remember the ride back to the hotel. Or getting to their hotel room. Or taking off his clothes. The next sensation he had was tumbling into bed naked with Anna and Kristoff, all of his nerves on fire.

For a minute they just kissed and caressed each other, reveling in the experience. But soon Anna was squirming impatiently, and she grabbed Hans' hand and dragged his fingers down to her cleft. She was dripping, his fingers sinking into her with a slick ease, and she moaned throatily against his mouth and pulled at his shoulder.

"I--" he stuttered out, suddenly knowing he had to say something but completely unsure what.

Anna blinked up at him. "What?"

Hans licked his lips and looked over at Kristoff, who was curled up on Anna's other side, watching expectantly. "I was just thinking, do you two want to start?"

Anna frowned. "But I thought..." After a second she looked away and blushed. "Well. I mean, you were so insistent last time."

Kristoff was eyeing him with a dubious expression. "Is this about that thing you bought?" 

Hans laughed. "Not remotely. I was just considering that I like watching." 

"Well... yes, okay," Anna said. "I mean, I'd like... either... both of you..." She awkwardly cut herself off and frowned at him. "Don't think you're getting off so easy." 

Hans leaned down and kissed her, as passionately as he could, as a promise. "I'll be right here."

Then he rolled sideways, trailing his moist fingers up her body to tweak her left nipple before he settled back against the cushions to observe. As Kristoff stared at him, bemused, Hans lifted his fingers to his mouth and started licking them off, slowly, base to tip. Mmmm, nothing else in the world was that flavor. 

"How do you want me?" Kristoff asked as Anna tugged at his shoulder. 

"Um," Anna said. "Can we try like this? I mean, me on my back--just to start? And if it doesn't work..." 

Kristoff nodded and eagerly maneuvered into position over her. Anna reached up to caress Kristoff's chest, then settled back against the pillows as Kristoff ran his hand up her leg to cradle her hip. He had to lean quite far over her to line himself up properly, Anna biting her lip and grabbing her knees to pull herself open and ready. 

It took a few seconds more of pushing and adjusting--sex was never as smoothly romantic as one might fantasize, Hans reflected--but Anna exhaled sharply as Kristoff pushed inside her, craning her neck to watch as his girth was slowly accepted by her body. It seemed incredible, even as Hans was watching, that she could hold him, but she wrapped her legs around Kristoff's waist and dug her heels into his back, urging him deeper, closer. 

Hans exhaled sharply. What the hell had he been thinking? He could be there, doing that, instead of lying here, watching. _Patience is a virtue,_ he reminded himself, manfully restraining himself from even touching his own prick. He felt as though he could come just from breathing too hard. 

Kristoff braced himself on his elbows and craned his neck to kiss Anna on the forehead. "Oh," she said softly. "Ohhh... yeah, wow." 

"Amazing," Hans remarked, "Isn't he?" 

Kristoff shook his head. "You keep saying that like I've done something special to get born with a few extra inches. It's not something I planned on, you know." 

Hans stared at him for a moment, then sat up and kissed him on the cheek. "It's not just that," he said, as Kristoff looked blankly at him. "You're one of the most _gracious_ lovers I've ever had. I mean it," he continued as Kristoff looked even more dubious. "How selfless, how giving do you have to be to put up with _me?"_

Kristoff's bemused expression started to clear. "Well, when you put it that way..." 

"And not just me," Hans added, lying down so he was next to Anna. "But also this voracious--" he kissed her on the shoulder, "insistent--" another kiss to her neck, "insatiable--" one on her cheek, before she turned her head to look at him, "incredibly sexy wanton wench?" 

Anna's expression before he kissed her mouth was just as bemused as Kristoff's. "You just wanted to say 'wanton wench,' didn't you?" she accused him when her mouth was free again. 

"Maybe," he admitted. 

"And I've been sated a few times--satiated? Sated or satiated?" 

"Either," Hans said. "Or both, which I hope between the two of us we can accomplish." 

"Maybe if you'd stop interrupting," Kristoff said, and something in Hans' expression made Kristoff laugh and kiss him. 

Hans lay back down again as Anna wrapped her arms around Kristoff's waist and pulled him against her. Kristoff started moving his hips, gently rocking at first, getting more insistent as Anna kept urging him on with soft noises and pressure of her hands. It was incredible to watch; Hans felt dry-mouthed with desire as Kristoff used his right hand to cradle Anna's hip and tilt her further onto her shoulders beneath him. Kristoff's hand was immense against Anna's body, and Hans watched breathless the indentation of Kristoff's fingers into her flesh, the reddening of her pale skin as they clenched at each other desperately. 

And then more desperate, Kristoff starting to drive into her more forcefully, gasping, "Anna, I--" 

"Yes," she hissed, throwing her head back. "Yes, I want to feel you--" 

Kristoff's breath half-hitched, and then in another few seconds he cried out, aching noises that went straight to Hans' dick. Damn. Both of them, just, damn. 

Hans took a very deep breath and let it out as Kristoff rolled onto his side, hugging Anna close as he breathed through the aftershocks. Anna pressed herself against him with her eyes closed for a few seconds, then lifted her head to meet Hans' gaze. "Hey," she said. 

"Hey yourself," he said. 

"Hey both of you," Kristoff said. "I am going to lay here and... yeah. Wow. Anna, that was amazing."

She wriggled around and kissed Kristoff on the mouth. "It was. Thank you."

Kristoff's brow furrowed. "You didn't come, did you?"

"Oh, that." Anna giggled, almost shyly, and lay back down. "I'm sure one or both of you can take care of that any time, right?"

"Happily," Hans offered.

Anna looked up at him, and it wasn't his imagination, she was feeling awkward about something. "Are... I mean, do you still want to..."

"Yes," Hans said, almost surprised. "Of course."

"I just..." She bit her lip. "I want to, but I'm not sure--I mean, I feel..."

"Sore?" Hans guessed.

She laughed again. "Well, a little, but--like, not quite as..." She shook her head. "Ugh, I feel awful just saying it."

"Don't feel awful," Hans said, scooting over until he was lying right alongside her. "Yes, darling, I noticed that Kristoff's dick is bigger than mine."

"You've harped on it enough," Kristoff muttered, sounding slightly embarrassed himself.

"The reason," Hans continued, "That I wanted to be first--to be your first," he added, "Was because you do indeed stretch those muscles with use, and it's easier to do that in stages. But that doesn't mean you get broken or anything. That would be ridiculous. Nobody would ever have second or third children if that were the case."

Anna blinked at him, then laughed at herself. "Yeah. Okay, that--I wasn't thinking."

"Mmm." Hans kissed her and leaned down to slide his fingers back inside her. She was slick and relaxed, but she tightened around his digits instinctively. "There, see?" he said, sliding two-then-three fingers in. "I'm always amazed what people don't know they're capable of."

"Ohhhhh--oh?" she queried as Hans tilted his hand and slid in his last finger. "What are you--"

"You're so capable, Anna," Hans said. He kissed her again and sat up to get a better angle. Anna was staring at him in surprise. He lifted his eyebrows and tucked his thumb against his palm, then pushed.

"Ahhh!" Anna squealed, clenching tight against his knuckles. He gently rocked back and forth, slightly, reveling in the slick-tight squeeze against his fingers. After a second, Anna took a breath and asked, "Were you serious? About... your whole hand?"

"Of course I was serious," he said gently.

"Ohhh," she said, half some kind of thoughtful noise and half a moan. She looked down at his probing hand and bit her lip. "I... how... do you think that will work?"

"Sure," he said. Then a thought struck him, and he grinned at her. "I feel like I should point out, though, that while Kristoff has a bigger dick than I do, he also has _much_ bigger hands than me."

"Uh, eesh," Kristoff interjected.

"So if you do ever do this with him," Hans continued, "You may actually be sore for several days afterward. So maybe take that one off the table."

"I'm just going to stay over here," Kristoff said. "I'm happy."

"Good to know," Anna said, grinning shyly. "Okay. I... wow."

Hans pressed his hand against her again, making her gasp. "Wow?"

"Ah! Wow!"

He twisted his wrist, feeling her tense and then relax, slipping ever so slightly further. "Wow?"

"Yes, wow, oh, Hans--"

Anna's cry came just as her body relaxed its resistance enough for his hand to slide inside her, her muscles locking suddenly around his fingers, palm, hand, wrist--he'd lost all ability to move, as she closed her eyes and breathed into him, trembling.

Her muscles calmed enough to let him wiggle his fingers after a second, and she looked up at him, eyes wide.

"Wow," Hans said.

"Yeah," she agreed. Kristoff had sat up and was staring at them, mouth open.

Hans leaned down and kissed Anna on the stomach, then curled his fingers inside her. "Oh!" she cried and hitched her hips against his wrist. "Oh, that feels strange."

"Good strange?" Kristoff asked, eyes riveted to where Hans' forearm disappeared inside her.

"I think so?" Anna said. She threw an arm over her eyes. "Oh. Ohhh. Not bad. Just... ohhhh."

Hans giddily swept his thumb back and forth inside that slick tight heat and Anna groaned again. "I can just do this for a while," he offered.

"Oh, yes," she said breathily.

"Though," he said, wriggling his fingers again, "I do still want to fuck you after, so I don't want to tire you out completely."

Anna lifted her arm from her eyes and tilted her head to stare at him. He smiled back at her.

"Yes," she said forcefully after a moment, "I want that, too."

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Hans said.

Kristoff lay down closer to Anna and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You doing all right, there?"

"Yeah," she said softly. Her body clenched around Hans' wrist again, so tightly that for a moment he worried he'd lose sensation in his fingers. "Ah... it's different. Good. Full." She shook her head and gasped a breath. "Different full."

Hans carefully balled his fingers into a fist inside her, letting his hand slide deeper into her and eliciting a moan. He loved the way he could feel her body respond to him, every tiny but powerful shift in her muscles. He loved the way she responded, period. How she looked at him when he suggested something she'd never tried. How she smelled and tasted and felt and just as he was thinking it how when he thrust his hand inside her like a piston she cried out "Yes! Oh, yes, that--do that again!"

Hans grinned and did that again, then again, as Anna's exhortations lost all coherence and she braced herself against the bed, mouth open and eyes closed, holding Kristoff's hand as if she'd fall. Hans trailed his other hand down her stomach and over her mons, gently offering pressure, and Anna rocked her hips desperately up into him until she came--in rushes, in pulses of pressure, in a sudden thrashing of her free hand, in another fierce contraction that left his fingers tingling.

"Ohhhhhh wow," Anna breathed as Hans gently--as gently as he could--relaxed his fingers and pulled his hand free. "Whoof."

He stretched his fingers out a few times. "I forgot how much fun that is."

"Forgot, he says," Anna said. "Ai yai yai. _Now_ I feel sore."

"Not too sore?" Hans quirked an eyebrow at her.

Her grin in return was downright lascivious. "Not too sore." She took another deep breath. "Just give me another second."

Kristoff looked down at her stomach and frowned. "You didn't move that little... thing she got, did you?"

"Did you?" Hans rejoined. "I didn't move anything."

"Oof, guys," Anna said fondly, sitting up and reaching down to slip a couple fingers inside herself. "Aaaa... no, nothing moved, it's still where it should be."

"Hunh," Kristoff said. "So how exactly..."

"Different angle," Hans explained. He took Anna's hand and raised her sticky fingers to his mouth. "Mmmmm."

"Oh," she said softly as he ran his tongue between her fingers and lapped at her fingertips. "Oh. Yes. Okay. Got my breath back."

He pulled her fingers out of his mouth and grinned. "You sure? You sound a little--"

"I am entirely sure," Anna said, and grabbed his shoulders to pull him forward over her. "Very sure. Yes."

Making love to Princess Anna of Arendelle the first time had been exciting, breathtaking, intense, rewarding. The second time was _divine._ The way she arched her back as he slid into her. The way she wrapped her arms around him and pressed him closer, mouthing at his neck and moaning. The way she clenched her muscles around him in time with his thrusts as naturally as though they'd been doing this for years.

He had to hold back. Had to. Hold. Wanted this to last forever. Amazing. Ever. Hold back. He was babbling out loud, some combination of "Anna" and "Yes" and "Good," and he'd been right, waiting had made this even better, but now he was going to explode if he didn't--

"AH!" Anna cried, and her whole body tensed, clenched, pulled him closer. "Ah, yes, yes--!"

Everything in the world seemed to coalesce into one moment of overpowering release, ecstasy deferred until it was overwhelming, boiling, incandescent. "Oh, Anna, Anna!" he shouted, until his breath left him and he couldn't move, barely bracing himself above her on his elbows as he buried his face against her hair.

"Mmm," Anna said. "Wow."

"Wow," Hans agreed.

"You two," Kristoff said, and it sounded like he also concurred with the general assessment.

With a supreme effort, Hans rolled onto his side, and then onto his back, and stared at the beautiful rococo ceiling. "I think," he said, when he was capable of forming words again.

"I think we should wash up and get something to eat," Kristoff interjected.

"Seconded," Anna said.

Hans shook his head. "You two stole my idea."

"Great minds think alike," Anna said. She sat up and took a deep breath. "Dibs on the tub?"

The tub, it turned out, was also big enough to fit all three of them. They didn't get dressed for dinner for another hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hans' dislike of condoms is a little more understandable in 1905 than it would be in modern times. Early 20th century condoms were made out of much thicker rubber (what we think of as latex wasn't invented yet), and were even sturdy enough to be re-usable! So be glad we live in a world of modern materials, and cut the guys a little slack.


	8. An Autumn Excursion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kristoff makes some new friends, Anna buys art, and Hans explains one or two relevant details.

Kristoff was starting to get used to hanging out with people who had money. They were mostly like normal people, except everything they had was bigger and shinier.

Take dinner. Kristoff had stayed in plenty of places where there were rooms upstairs and a kitchen downstairs, but in the Grand Hotel, there were stories upon stories of rooms and the restaurant seemed to have tables for miles, all full of people dressed up in fine clothing and jewelry. He was awkwardly glad that Anna had made him let the Arendelle tailor make him some nice things, so even if he was still staring like a country bumpkin, at least he would blend in a bit more.

"The trick to looking like you belong," Hans said casually as they were being led to a table, "Is to not worry about looking like you belong. _Nouveau riche_ worry. Middle class worry. Old money? Titled nobility? Don't worry."

Kristoff shot him a look. "I don't even count as middle class. I work for a living."

Hans looked like he'd just made a joke. "Even less reason to worry, then. Just enjoy it."

Even dinner was bigger and shinier. At Hans' suggestion he told the waiter, _"[That sounds good, the fish, please,]"_ and got three courses served on gilded plates and tasting richly of cream and butter. It was good, but all a little strange.

Anna appeared to be having the time of her life. She sipped champagne and watched the guests arrive and leave and pestered Hans for information after Hans started to identify some of the more notable characters. Hans had a particularly sharp memory for faces, names, and scandals, Kristoff noticed.

Kristoff nearly bit the tines off his fork the first time someone approached their table. Their first interruption was a woman simply dripping with gold and diamonds, trailing a bashful young man in a neat suit. "Prince Hans," she exclaimed as Hans nimbly jumped to his feet and Kristoff gingerly followed his example. "My, it's been simply ages, I'm so glad to see you've returned to Paris. I can't help but think how bored you've been stuck in the middle of the sea all this time. You must come see me now you're back, I won't stand it if you think you can deprive me of your company."

"Grand Duchess Swanna," Hans said smoothly, and bowed over her hand. "How radiant you look tonight. May I introduce my companions? Princess Anna of Arendelle, and Kristoff, Arendelle's Royal Ice Master?"

"How do you do," Anna said, nodding regally. Kristoff just bowed and tried not to look awkward.

Which was only made more difficult when he looked up and saw that the Grand Duchess Swanna was eyeing him speculatively, like a prize horse or hunting dog. "My my my," she said, then turned to Anna. "Your royal highness. It's lovely to meet you. I don't think I've had the pleasure before. Is this your first time in Paris?"

"It is," Anna said, sounding slightly taken aback. "Hans offered to show us around."

"Well of course. Paris is the place to be, you know. You must come call on me." She opened her purse, another item encrusted with jewels, and pulled something out. "My card," she pronounced, proffering it--

To Kristoff. Oh hell. What was he supposed to do with that? He wracked his brain for what to do and wound up just bowing over her hand as he took it in a poor imitation of what Hans had made look natural. "Highness," he managed to say, not entirely sure that was accurate but happier to miss high than low.

She was smiling when he looked up. "Don't let me keep you from enjoying your dinner, they do set a good table here. I must find some way to tempt their chef away from them. Good evening."

"Good evening, your highness," Hans said, which was at least reassuring.

Kristoff took his seat gingerly and gave Hans a look. "What the heck was that all about?"

Hans was smirking even more than usual. "She thinks you must be great in bed."

Kristoff blinked, then raised one eyebrow carefully.

"To her credit she's correct," Hans said, then took another bite of his fish. Kristoff waited patiently while he finished chewing. "It's just that's the only reason she can imagine spending time with someone not landed gentry."

"Ahh," Kristoff said. He looked at the little slip of paper and then tucked it into his pocket. "So it's not because someone cut these pants too tight on the left side."

Hans and Anna both laughed at that one. Kristoff took another bite of fish and smiled to himself. "How do you know her?"

"Parties, soirees, things," Hans said, waving one hand idly. "I may have been trying to get a good look at this set of emeralds she used to wear, but some light-fingered English cricket hotshot nicked them first."

"Really?" Anna said.

"Well, I didn't actually see the crime, just heard the outrage the next morning," Hans allowed. "But that guy was definitely the culprit."

"I wouldn't think she'd need emeralds on top of all that," Kristoff said. "How many diamonds was she wearing?"

Hans shrugged. "She's wearing about half the set tonight--she's got a tiara and another bracelet or two. I guess she decided to tone it down."

Kristoff and Anna both stared at him.

"I think most of the jewels in Arendelle are in the royal tiara," Anna said slowly, "And Elsa said she wasn't going to bother getting it back from Marshmallow."

"Tell you what," Hans said, "You distract her, I'll take the gems, we split and meet outside of town."

"I'll fence them," Kristoff offered, "And with the proceeds we can buy every peasant from Montmarte to Odessa a new cow."

"You're much too nice," Hans said. "You'll never make an international jewel thief with that kind of attitude. Don't you want anything for yourself?"

"No," Kristoff said, slightly annoyed. Then he felt kind of bad, not for snapping at Hans, but for how Anna was looking at him, so he said, "Well, I'd like to have enough saved to retire on. You know, just in case, like, I get hurt and I can't work any more, so I don't have to worry. Before this summer I didn't even have enough saved to fix my sled."

Anna looked down at her plate and shrugged. "I never needed... things," she said. "I mean, my parents got me stuff, but I always kind of felt it was because they felt guilty for spending all their time with Elsa. Or worrying about Elsa, I guess. I just wanted us to spend time together again and for us to have friends."

"Thiiiiis got depressing," Hans said. "Me, I wanted stuff. Lots of stuff. We always had lots of visitors and my brothers got all the best presents."

Kristoff was better braced for the next interruption, and the next, and a few more spaced throughout the meal, counts and dukes and marchionesses who all regarded Kristoff with polite interest, like he was some kind of novelty art piece they were making their mind up on buying. After the last one, Hans leaned over and murmured, "We'll go hang out with some artists tomorrow. They're much more fun."

"I hope so," Anna said, licking ganache off her fork delicately. "I mean, not to say anything against your friends, but these guys came across a little stiff."

Kristoff put his hand over his heart. "How can you guys say that? I mean, the Count de Chagny wanted us to play cards with him tomorrow. We can't let him down."

Anna looked incredulously at him, then snickered when she caught his expression.

Hans just shook his head. "I don't want to spend enough time around Philippe that I wind up having to explain what happened to the Megatherium stocks I convinced him and his pals to invest in."

"What happened to the Megatherium stocks?" Anna said flatly.

Hans grimaced. "Uh, I drummed up a lot of business then short-sold the whole pile when it crashed. Funded six weeks of my last stay."

Anna whistled softly.

"So the last time you were in Paris," Kristoff mused, "You learned sex, society scandals, stippling, and short cons?"

"Oooh, now do it with T," Anna said, grinning.

Hans was looking slightly abashed. "Well, apparently I look really sincere even when I'm lying," he said. "It makes it a lot easier."

Anna reached over and lay her hand gently on Hans' arm. "You don't have to lie any more," she said.

Hans gave her a sad and sincere smile. "I know."

Kristoff ate the last bite of his lemon tart and let the taste roll around on his tongue.

By the time they'd reached their suite again, Kristoff had mostly resolved not to worry about it. By the time the door had closed and he and Hans were trading off kissing Anna and each other and stripping off their clothing on the way to their bed, he was way too distracted to let the remaining thread of unease get in the way.

Anna stopped with her hands on Hans' bare chest and said, "I want to know what this mysterious thing you bought is."

Hans blinked, then started snickering. "Okay," he said, "Go lie down and don't look. It's a surprise."

Anna grinned and grabbed Kristoff's hand, dragging him to the bed. "Distract me," she requested.

"Gladly," he said. "Help me with my pants?"

Between them they got naked several minutes after Hans did, but they succeeded in distracting each other long enough for Hans to get his purchase out of its wrapping and rolled onto his erection. Hans lay down on the bed with his hands behind his head and waited for Anna to look over and notice.

She did, then did a double-take. "Is that the Eiffel Tower?"

Kristoff burst out laughing. "Aha!" he exclaimed when he got his breath back. "Now I see why you wanted to buy that!"

"Yes," Hans said, "you already know what it's like to have your dick compared to a monumental edifice, but the rest of us need a little assistance."

"Can I touch it?" Anna asked, ignoring them.

"Of course," Hans said.

Anna curled her hand around the base of Hans' prick, below the point where the artist had decorated the rubber sheath with the legs of the tower. She stroked her thumb across the lower crossbar, which ran right underneath the head of his dick, then reached up to toy with the top of the tower, the rubber spire bending under her fingers as if caught in a stiff wind. She giggled. "And you're supposed to wear this while we're making love?"

"That's the idea," Hans said. "Hand-crafted for your pleasure, I'm assured."

Anna gave him a thoughtful smirk, then threw her leg over Hans' body and lined the tip of the rubber tower up with her entrance. She sank down a few inches, then paused, a perplexed expression on her face. "That feels... _weird,"_ she admitted.

Kristoff laughed. Hans was courageously keeping a straight face. "I was recommended this by a very nice nurse..."

"Never trust the opinion," Kristoff advised, "Of someone working on commission."

Hans flashed him a quick grin. "I'll remember that."

Anna smiled, then bit her lip and lowered herself the rest of the way onto Hans' edifice. "Ohhh my," she said, "That's... I mean..." She lifted herself up experimentally and giggled again. "Okay, _that's_ kind of fun."

"Can you actually feel that?" Kristoff asked, dubious.

"I can feel something," Anna said. She wiggled her hips and performed another maneuver up and down on Hans' dick. "It's kind of neat."

"Hmmm," Hans said, then wrapped his arms around her waist and thrust up into her. She gasped. "Yes?"

"Yes," she answered, "That's good."

Hans bit his lip and thrust again. "I don't think I'm going to be able to come with this thing on," he said, "But it's still fun."

Anna stopped moving and frowned. "You can't come?"

"It's a little uncomfortable," Hans admitted.

She started to rock forward to pull off of him. "Well..."

"I seem to remember," Kristoff interrupted, "That there was something else Anna wanted to try." At Hans' frown, he clarified, "Involving both of us?"

"Yes," Anna said quickly.

"Oh, yes," Hans agreed. "Anna, why don't I take this ridiculous thing off and we'll figure out, uh, logistics?"

"I thought you were the master of stacking people on top of each other," Kristoff said, laying himself down on the bed. Anna rolled off Hans and into his arms and he pulled her close again. "Hi there."

"Hey," Anna said. "I'm not really sure how I want this to go. I mean. I want this to go _well,_ but I don't know what..." she gestured vaguely yet emphatically. "What direction."

"Or what orientation?" Hans supplied, peeling his decorative condom the rest of the way off and discarding it over the side of the bed.

"Exactly," Anna said. She looked around the bed, then started piling pillows up against the headboard. "Hmm..."

Hans caught Kristoff's eye and shrugged, apparently unconcerned. "We could flip a coin?"

"You're presuming I have a preference," Kristoff said. "And besides, I think it should be up to Anna. I mean, she's the one who's going to be, uh..."

"Sandwiched?" Anna supplied. She sat back on her heels and surveyed her handiwork. "Okay, so here's my idea. Remember the first time we all had sex?"

Kristoff had been fully hard since Anna stuck her hand down his pants undressing him; now his dick twitched at the memory. "Oh yeah," he said. "The stacking."

Well, the stacking and the adrenaline and the noises she made as Hans first went down on her and then fucked her, the smell of Anna's snow-bright skin and her ass rubbing against his dick and later her expression as she lowered herself on top of him and... yeah, it was safe to say Kristoff was going to remember that for a while.

"Hey, that worked out," Hans said.

Anna looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, I was thinking, we could do that? Except this time Kristoff would be... y'know. Also."

Kristoff looked over at her pillow wedge, considering. Well. It had worked pretty well the first time.

Hans looked a little surprised. "That honestly wasn't what I thought you'd say."

"Do you mind?" Anna said.

"Not at all," Hans said. "Kristoff?"

Kristoff tested the springiness of the cushions with his hand. It felt like they would hold up. "I think it sounds great. Especially if I don't have to hold all of us up with one hand."

Hans looked slightly sheepish. "You did great, though."

Kristoff smirked at him, then reached over to the nightstand for the jar of Vaseline. "Anna? You ready?"

She nodded firmly. Kristoff leaned back against the pillows and held out his hands in invitation, and she lay down in his arms, nestled against his chest, one hand drifting lower to stroke--ah!--the tip of his dick. He reached his arms around her to crack open the jar, and she dipped her fingers in and started working her slippery-cool fingers up and down his shaft.

She stopped stroking him when he got his first finger inside her. "Ah," she breathed softly, then after a moment asked, "More?"

"You're getting as greedy as he is," Kristoff teased, pushing gently with two fingers, now. It took a couple seconds before she relaxed and his fingers slipped back in. "There, how's that?"

"Mmmnice," she said. She gave his dick a squeeze, and his hips jerked involuntarily. "But I think I'd like you to fuck me, now."

"Yes, good," Kristoff agreed. "Okay. Sure. Here." Hans was helpfully taking the jar of lubricant out of his free hand, so Kristoff could get both of his hands around Anna's hips and lift her up, lining her body up above his. She gasped and grabbed onto his knees to steady herself, and he lowered her down until his dick was nestled against her.

"Okay," Anna breathed. She reached down and guided him to the right angle, then leaned back against him, letting her body open with her breathing, until he could feel that tight--tight! ring of muscle slide over and down his cock as she sighed and lay back into his arms. "Mmmmmm," she said as he wrapped his arms around her, "That's nice."

"Ahh, yeah," he said, fighting to keep from forcing himself further into her body, into that hot grip encompassing almost the entire length of his prick; he took deep breaths and nuzzled at Anna's hair and held as still as he could as she settled against him. She threw her legs over his, lying wide open and vulnerable, and he trailed his fingers down from her navel to her clit.

Anna gasped when he touched her there, and her whole body clenched tight for a moment, sweet pulse of sensation around him. "Ohhhh," she moaned, "Oh, careful."

"Too much?" Kristoff asked.

"A little." He moved his hand back up to cup her breast, gently, and she nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

"Fuck you two are beautiful," Hans said, and Kristoff looked up to see him staring, reverent, hands clenching his thighs like he was trying to keep from grabbing at them. Kristoff grinned and held out his fingers, the ones that had just been rubbing Anna's clit. Hans stared at him for a moment, then grinned and leaned forward, opening his mouth. At first he just licked at the tips of Kristoff's fingers, maddeningly, but he soon sucked the whole of Kristoff's first two fingers into his mouth, wet and lewd and devastating.

Fuck it, he was trying not to come yet. Even if he barely lasted a second when Hans started fucking Anna against him, he wasn't going to come before that.

"Oh, you two," Anna said, sounding more appreciative than annoyed. "Ohhhh. Yes." She braced herself against Kristoff's legs and rocked herself up and down on the length of his prick, sliding him deeper inside her. "Yes. Ah. Don't mind me."

"I don't mind. I don't mind at all. You can keep doing that," Kristoff reassured her. Hans smiled around his fingers and sucked more aggressively. "Ah, fuck. Hans--"

"Mmmmmm?" Hans murmured, licking at Kristoff's fingers again.

Kristoff gasped and pulled his hand away, then pushed his fingers through Hans' hair. "I love the way you use your mouth," he admitted.

Hans grinned and turned to kiss the inside of Kristoff's wrist. "Keeps me from talking," he said.

Anna dug her fingers into Kristoff's thigh and arched her back, and Kristoff gasped as she slid hot-tight-yes all the way down onto him. "Ah, Anna!"

"Yeah," she said. "Oh, that's good. That feels--wow. Ahh."

Kristoff was almost lying down when he leaned back on the cushions, but his back was braced so he naturally curled protectively around her. He wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed into him. "Fuck you feel good," he said, "Fuuuuuuuuck."

Hans leaned forward and kissed Anna on the cheek. "Ready for me to join in?"

Kristoff could feel her slow, deliberate breath at that. "I think so," she said. "Careful?"

"Always," Hans said, and kissed her again, this time on the lips. Then on her throat, next to her jaw, and down over her breasts. He stopped to lick across Kristoff's knuckles before moving his mouth lower.

Kristoff felt it when Hans licked over Anna's clit, in her reaction, the sudden tension in her muscles, the way her legs pressed against his. She hissed, then moaned deep in her throat, reaching over Kristoff's arms to grab at Hans' hair. "Yes. That. More."

"Mmmmr?" Hans said, muffled.

Anna laughed breathlessly and swatted him on the head. "Yes, mrrrr. Come on."

Hans looked up and grinned, and then--oh. OH.

"Ah," Kristoff said as the tickle-pressure of Hans' finger ran up and alongside his dick. "Oh, hi."

Anna was very quiet, taking shallow breaths. Hans waited a moment, then started stroking his finger gently up and down, and Kristoff struggled to keep from yelling or coming or thrusting hard enough to buck Anna off his lap.

"You okay there?" Hans asked, and it took Kristoff a moment to realize he was talking to Anna.

"Yeah," she said, "Great."

"More?" Hans asked. When Anna nodded, Kristoff felt him pushing with a second finger, rubbing and twisting until that pressure was right up against him, and it was amazing, knowing he was feeling it because Anna was feeling it, and they were so close...

Fuck, he was going to come if this kept up. He started counting backwards, naming all the different kinds of ice he could remember, thinking about snowbanks and wet boots and anything else that might made orgasm really difficult. And when Hans finally got three fingers inside her, and then--

Oh fuck, and then Hans was on top of her, on top of both of them, and he was keeping his weight on his hands but Kristoff could feel it, and then he could feel Hans' dick sliding up into Anna right next to him he could actually feel fuckfuckfuck--

Anna shrieked and grabbed onto Hans' back, and Kristoff moved his hands enough to pull on Hans' ass and get them all closer together, and Hans gasped like he was having trouble getting enough air.

And then they all stopped moving, holding onto each other and breathing hard. Anna finally took a breath and said, "Oh that's amazing."

Hans leaned forward and rested his head on Kristoff's shoulder. "Ah," he said, "that is. Oh my."

It was amazing, and Kristoff wanted--his body wanted to move, his dick wanted him to start fucking, but he couldn't get any leverage. He gave Hans' ass another grope and said, "Hey, you have to drive on this one, I can't move. At all."

"Right. Heavy burden. I'll accept it." Hans turned his head and gave Anna a kiss on her temple. "Hey. Moving good?"

"Yes," Anna said, and slid her left hand around to where Kristoff's right was doing the groping. "C'mere, fuck me. Fuck us."

Hans braced his arms on the bed and started moving, slowly at first, but soon getting a rhythm going. Kristoff held onto him but mostly to Anna as she started moving with Hans' thrusts. And soon she was sliding tight-hot up and down Kristoff's dick, and Hans was still rubbing up against him, and it was so slick and tight and Anna was crying out and in his arms and yes, fuck, that was it, that was it--

He didn't feel guilty at all coming first, and Hans followed right after, and Kristoff got his hand around to Anna's clit, and then she was keening and coming and they all collapsed on the bed in each others' arms.

After a few minutes catching up on his breathing, Kristoff wiggled his fingers to make sure the arm pinned under both Anna and Hans still worked. Hans twitched and muttered "Holy fuck" into the bed.

"Wow," Anna said. "Thank you. That was amazing."

Kristoff shifted around a bit so more of his body was touching her, all aligned curve to curve, and marveled again how snugly she pressed into him like a puzzle piece, perfectly fit.

"I really liked that," he said, in case it hadn't been obvious.

"Good," Anna said.

"Good," Hans echoed. "Not too squashed?"

Kristoff shook his head. "I managed somehow."

Hans grinned at him, then rolled onto his side and ran his hand up Anna's arm. "I love you," he said sincerely.

"Love you too," Anna said, then reached back and patted Kristoff's hip. "Both of you."

"Love you too," Kristoff said, and then there came that squeeze in his guts, because he'd always believed that you couldn't love someone you didn't trust, and he didn't trust Hans, not one bit, but he was pretty sure he was starting to love him, in all the ways that counted, and he felt like he was sticking his hand into a fire every time.

Hans didn't say anything, just reached over for Kristoff's wrist and squeezed, somehow reassuring despite everything.

He was trying, for Anna's sake, but also for Anna's sake he had to be careful, because Anna threw herself headlong into everything, reaching with both arms and an open heart and believing the best in everyone would save her. And just because most times she'd been okay, Kristoff didn't want to be looking away if she ever fell, because he'd never forgive himself if he didn't try to catch her.

They spent a week and a half in Paris, and that niggling worry never entirely went away. Hans was an excellent tour guide, and he was obviously in his element in the city. They went to a few fancy parties, where Kristoff felt completely out of place, but more often they went to hole-in-the-wall cafes packed with artists and bohemians. Hans seemed to know everyone, from the anarchists at the Red and Black to the dancers at the Moulin Rouge, and everyone seemed to love him.

"I bought a lot of drinks," Hans admitted when Kristoff cornered him. "And I proofread a lot of collectivist literature. And you know me. I'm nice."

Kristoff raised a skeptical brow.

Hans grimaced. "Until I'm not. But if you do nice things for people they like you. And I've never been averse to putting in a little effort."

And that was true. Hans used his hands more than Kristoff had ever imagined a rich person would. Back in Arendelle and in the Southern Isles, Hans was way more comfortable with letting servants do things (sometimes really personal things) than Kristoff thought he would ever be, but in Paris he fetched, carried, lifted, volunteered, got his hands dirty, and occasionally killed spiders without a word of complaint.

It was almost like he was making friends, but Kristoff also saw the thoughtful, almost calculating looks Hans would give a party of people before stepping in with a suggestion or an offer or a voiced agreement.

And Kristoff was trying to spend his time paying all of his attention to Anna, enjoying how much _she_ was enjoying the people and the impromptu painting and the strange food, but Anna... Anna was happy in a way Kristoff couldn't let himself be.

Kristoff finally grabbed Hans by the elbow right before the fancy art show he'd been talking about ever since they left the Southern Isles. "So what did we say about art?"

Hans looked surprised for a moment, then wilted. "I'm supposed to have real opinions, not just agree with everything Anna says on principle," he said reluctantly.

"Exactly," Kristoff said.

Hans looked over to where Anna was bouncing on her toes waiting for them, and sighed. "Maybe I could start with something less fraught, like religion or politics," he offered.

"I have faith in you," Kristoff said, steering him toward Anna. "Come on."

Hans tried, he really did. Kristoff didn't know anything about art, except that the garish colors on display weren't found in those combinations anywhere in nature and he wasn't sure how much absinthe the painters had been consuming, but it looked like a lot. Anna enjoyed the exhibition, though, and spent a long time staring mournfully at a teal painting of a fancy woman that she couldn't quite bring herself to buy.

"Get it if you like it," Hans advised her.

"What do you think?" Anna said.

Hans froze, and thought about that question for a surprisingly awkward length of time. "Well, I think if you like it you should get it," he said. "I think it's technically brilliant, but, uh, it doesn't do anything for me?" He nearly squeaked the last out, then looked at Anna like he was expecting her to be disappointed.

Anna frowned at him curiously. Kristoff reached over and patted him on the back. "That sounded like it hurt."

"Disagreeing with people I like goes against all my instincts," Hans muttered darkly.

Anna looked between them, then shrugged. "Well, I like it. But..." she bit her lip. "Would Elsa get mad if I bought it?"

"No," Kristoff said, and Hans added, "Pretty sure Elsa leaves the art decisions up to you."

Anna wound up having to bid at auction for the painting against a stout, intense-looking American woman while the artist stood by, tearing up with joy. After nearly half an hour of wrangling, Anna got the painting, and an invitation to a gathering at the woman's house the next Saturday to discuss art.

Anna frowned down at the card in her hand as the woman and her brother went to look at the artist's other work. "I wish we could stay another week," she said.

"Me, too," Hans agreed.

Kristoff shrugged when they looked at him. "I'm actually kinda homesick," he admitted. "Also, this is the longest I've been apart from Sven in... forever."

Hans looked a little blank at that, but Anna hugged him fiercely. "You're right, I'm sorry," she said. "We're taking the train back tomorrow, and I don't think we're staying in the Southern Isles any longer than necessary, right?"

"Right," Hans said.

"Unless there's family stuff you need to do?" Anna asked Hans.

Hans shook his head firmly. "I'm all settled there."

Something in the resolute sureness with which he said it made the hair on the back of Kristoff's neck prickle, but he couldn't pin down exactly why. It was the same way Hans said almost anything--sincerely and honestly and definitely and probably lying with every fiber of his being.

That night as they made love for the last time in Paris, Kristoff noticed every little thing--the shadows on the ceiling, the stray hairs pulled from Anna's braids, the scattering of freckles across Hans' shoulders and down his back. He wanted to keep this whole week locked in his memories, safe where he could pull it out if it turned out Anna was right and it was all going to be okay, but where it couldn't hurt either of them if it turned out she was wrong.

Kristoff watched as Hans licked between Anna's legs, her orgasm fading and her limbs shifting lazily against the sheets. He leaned over and kissed her, and she arched into him and kissed back fiercely.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to borrow Hans for a bit," he said.

"Mmm, I'm good," Anna said. "Hans?"

"I can be borrowed." Hans levered himself onto the bed and crawled over, far more gracefully than anyone ought. "What would you like?"

Kristoff tried to keep it light as he asked, "I'd like you to fuck me."

Hans looked surprised. "Love to," he said. The Vaseline was on the nearest nightstand; Hans reached over Anna to grab it. They were going to need another jar soon. Hans didn't look up as he asked, "You still like being on your back?"

"Yeah," Kristoff said. Their bed had an assortment of pillows, and he shoved one under his hips and one behind his head. "I like being lazy sometimes."

Hans grinned at him then. "Hey, have we only done this the once?" he asked as he got between Kristoff's legs and ran his fingers back to press--ah, yes, and slide one digit inside, gently enough that Kristoff's muscles didn't even fight. "You can ask me, you know."

"I just did," Kristoff pointed out. "You can ask."

Hans just looked sheepish. "I like getting fucked."

"See?" Kristoff grinned at him. "It works out."

"I suppose it does." Hans smiled back, and then looked over at Anna, who was propped up on one elbow and watching them lazily. "And we know what you like," he added.

"Everything," Anna said. "I can't think of something we've tried that I haven't liked."

Kristoff reached out to take her hand, then grunted when Hans curled a second finger inside him. "Hey."

"Hey." Hans slid his free hand up Kristoff's dick, contemplative. "How do you like it?"

Kristoff tried for a moment to come up with an answer to that, but his words stuck in his throat. Finally he grabbed Hans' wrist and said, "I just want to remember this."

Hans' expression was concerned, but he nodded.

Hans was stronger than he looked; he got Kristoff bent nearly double, both of his ankles up on Hans' shoulders as Hans pressed him into the bed. He felt open-- _opened,_ and it always felt good, letting go like this, and Hans was good at it--

But maybe part of this was he wanted to try trusting so badly. He caught Hans' eyes, for a moment, then leaned back and let himself relax into it completely, into the motion and Hans' thrusting and that wonderful terrifying paradox of of violation and fulfillment all at once.

He used to do this a lot, with other guys--guys he trusted his life with, who watched his back on the ice, where a misstep could cost you a leg or your lungs or your entire breath. And he wanted this to be the same.

It wasn't ever going to be the same, he suddenly realized; there was Anna and Hans was just different, this wasn't a fling or blowing off steam after a hard week on the ice, this was--he wanted this to be forever, and that was frankly terrifying.

Hans shifted Kristoff's right leg down to around his waist and leaned over farther, and Kristoff jerked his head up to kiss him, to somehow convey--yes, you, I am choosing this, and you, and all of us forever--and then Hans broke the kiss and got his hips and cock to line up _just_ right, and the sudden physical jolt of pleasure, over and over again, made him stop thinking and just feel.

Good. Good! Yes!

Hans had his hand around Kristoff's dick and squeezed tight, and in moments Kristoff was coming like a rocket, like a firework, eyes closed and seeing sparks and yelling until he was hoarse. Hans let his legs fall down to the bed and he lay there like a rag doll as Hans climbed up next to him.

"Wow," Anna said from Kristoff's other side. "I'd call that unforgettable."

Hans laughed breathily. "I hope so."

Kristoff reached out and pulled Hans close enough that he could finish the job of getting him off.

He woke up between the two of them, curled up with his arms around Hans's body and Hans' head tucked under his chin, Anna warm and soft against his back. He lay there in the dark listening to the two of them breathe and hoped desperately that Anna's optimism was right.

It was quieter on the train east. Anna seemed to be enjoying the scenery outside just as much as on the way to Paris, but her infectious energy was gone. Kristoff watched the trees, the leaves all gone autumn-bright, and tried to just be happy they were going home, instead of on edge like something was going to happen to them.

It was almost a relief when the train stopped suddenly near the German border. Hans looked out the window and frowned. "Why the hell are we stopping the middle of a barley field?"

There was a sound like a massive tree falling, a few screams from ahead in the car, and then a giant foot came down right outside their window, the ankle blocking their entire view. "Woah!" Kristoff yelled, backing away from the glass.

"Question answered!" Hans said.

"Come on!" Anna yelled, grabbing them by the hands and pulling them back into the aisle of the car. Other passengers were poking their heads out, but they pushed by, found the exit, and spilled out into the field.

The giant towered over the scene, huge and covered in fur, not-quite-human face peering down from overhead. It--he?--He growled and lunged for something on the other side of the train, catching the engine with one shaggy toe and causing the whole train to rock.

_"[No! No, Andre!]"_ a young man started yelling from the other side of the train. _"[Find Princess Madeline!]"_

The giant roared. Anna, Hans, and Kristoff exchanged looks. "Someone on the train?" Kristoff asked.

"I don't think so," Hans said, and he would probably know.

Around the back of the train there was a sudden commotion, and suddenly charging toward them was a small herd of cattle and a young woman in riding attire on a brown-and-white pony. And behind them was a man in a suit on a black horse waving a stick, and then the stick was throwing bolts of fire.

"Woah!" Kristoff yelled as he almost got scorched.

Everything after that was kind of confused. Kristoff lost both Anna and Hans in the commotion, but he could hear both of them shouting. Kristoff nearly got run over by the cattle and nearly stepped on by the giant, but he saw Anna with the guy who had been shouting in French earlier, identifiable by his voice and his insistence on yelling at the giant. The giant accidentally kicked the train again, making it sway precariously and popping it off the tracks. And the guy throwing fireballs at the stampeding livestock finally got knocked off his horse, courtesy of the woman on the pony.

Kristoff wound up in the path of the horse. He wasn't good with horses. He knew reindeer, and mostly only Sven. He turned and ran, but was cut off by more frightened cows. The horse reared and turned so it was coming straight at Kristoff _again--_

"This is NOT my idea of fun!" Kristoff snapped, dodging again, and again, and finally grabbing the horse's reins to try and stop it. The horse bucked a few times but calmed and whimpered when Kristoff yanked on its halter.

"Woah, boy, there you go, calm down," Kristoff said. He patted the horse on the neck, trying to reassure it. Him, he discovered on a cursory check. "Okay. No more running over people, got that?"

The horse rolled his eyes and looked less than reassured, but didn't move. Kristoff frowned and checked the horse's tack. The problem was obvious after a second--the reins were attached to a nasty bit with a twisted mouthpiece of black iron.

"Here, let's get that out," Kristoff said. He undid the bit from the bridle and reins and pulled it out of the horse's mouth.

"Oh thank goodness," the horse said. "You have no idea how bad that stuff tastes."

Kristoff stared for a long moment. The horse wiggled his ears and sniffed. "What? You've never met an enchanted horse before?"

"You know what? So not my problem," Kristoff said. "I'm going back to Arendelle as soon as the train gets fixed. Right now I want to find my friends and make sure they're not dead and then go home. Okay?"

"I take your point," the horse said. "Hop on, we'll find your friends."

Kristoff hesitated. "You're not going to try and drown me or anything, are you?"

The horse gave him a sidelong glance. "You must know some really antisocial talking horses, buddy. Look, let's start over. My name's Jean-Luc, and I'm a direct descendant of Beaucephalus, prince of horses. You?"

"Kristoff Bjorgman, and I'm getting sick of all this royalty stuff," Kristoff replied. He stuck his foot in a stirrup and pulled himself up to Jean-Luc's back. The view was a lot better from the top of a stallion than on foot, and he was reassured to see Anna right away, alive and well, talking with the guy with the giant. The giant had moved away from the train and was gently sheltering the guy and Anna from the agitated livestock.

"Where's Madeline?" Jean-Luc asked.

"Where's Hans?" Kristoff asked in return, twisting around in his seat. More cows, train, trampled barley; no missing prince.

"Where's Secretary Robespierre?" Jean-Luc said.

Kristoff blinked. "Seriously?"

"That's his name," the horse protested. "He's the Secretary of the Exchequer of the Kingdom of Alsace, and he--"

"Oh for crying out loud," Kristoff said, kneeing Jean-Luc to turn him around. "Come on, let's start looking."

The field wasn't as flat as it looked from the train window. There was a gully a few hundred yards away, with a fence on the top of the ridge to keep people from falling down it. Kristoff peered over the top just in time to see Hans land a solid right hook to the missing Secretary of the Exchequer of the Kingdom of Alsace, laying him flat in the dirt.

"Nice," Jean-Luc said. The woman--who Kristoff guessed was probably Princess Madeline--grabbed the magic wand where it had landed a few feet away and snapped it in half between her hands.

_"[Are you okay?]"_ Hans asked the princess, turning so Kristoff only had a good look at the back of his head. He didn't even look dusty.

"That was great," Jean-Luc said. Kristoff slid off the horse's back and peered over the fence carefully. "Come on, let's go down there."

"Shhh," Kristoff said.

_"[Thank you ever so much for your help,]"_ the woman said. She had an accent different from the Parisian French Kristoff had been hearing for the last week, something that made her sound friendlier. _"[I'm Princess Madeline of the Kingdom of Alsace, and this man has caused so much trouble.]"_

_"[Prince Hans, of the Southern Isles,]"_ Hans introduced himself, bowing over the princess' hand. _"[And I'm happy to have helped. What exactly did he do?]"_

Princess Madeline launched into a long explanation involving vulnerable peasants, loan sharks, speculative futures trading, and the infernal soul market. At one point the giant and the boy got involved but by then Kristoff's eyes had glazed over. He nearly gave up and had even started looking for a way down the ridge line to the gully when he heard Hans say in his most sincere voice, _"[That must have been terrible for you.]"_

Jean-Luc snuffled something that might have been equine for "Awwwwwww," and Kristoff's blood ran cold.

_"[It was worse on our citizens,]"_ Princess Madeline said. _"[And my parents, who only have me to rely on... but now we have the proof of the banks' complicity. We'll nationalize the banking system and spare the people the pain of this perfidy.]"_

_"[Sounds like you have everything under control,]"_ Hans said approvingly.

Princess Madeline visibly swooned. _"[Yes... but... I haven't even thanked you properly for your help, Your Highness,]"_ she said. _"[Please, if you could come with me back to my country, I would love to introduce you--]"_

The specifics of what Madeline was going to introduce Hans to got lost as Kristoff sat down on the ground and buried his head in his hands. Hell. There it was. Hans had found himself another princess, first in line for the throne at that, with money and power and a day's train ride to Paris all at his fingertips. Kristoff couldn't even blame the guy.

It just hurt, that was all. Kristoff been right on the verge--he'd been feeling--fuck it, he'd started actually believing Hans.

Loving him, too.

He had no idea how he was going to tell Anna.

_"[Very generous indeed, I--thank you,]"_ Hans was saying, _"[But my boyfriend is around here somewhere and we're really trying to get home.]"_

Kristoff took a couple seconds to translate that, then lifted his head from his hands.

_"[... Oh,]"_ Madeline said.

Kristoff looked around suspiciously. Had Hans seen him? Had that all been for his benefit? No, the ridge line was weirdly situated; unless Hans and Madeline had looked straight up they wouldn't have spotted him. And he'd been watching them. And right now he was completely hidden from view.

_"[But thank you, you're very kind. Uh... how did we get all the way out here, anyway?]"_ There was a scuffling noise. _"[Do you remember jumping a fence? Because I don't remember coming down that.]"_

_"[I think it was back this way.]"_

Kristoff shook himself, then got to his feet and vaulted to Jean-Luc's back again. "Hey," the horse said.

"C'mon, let's find a way down there," Kristoff said, pointing along the ridge. "The fence stops that way, let's go."

They came around the grassy slope at the end of the fence as Hans and Princess Madeline came trudging up the gully toward them. "Kristoff!" Hans said, just as the princess exclaimed, "Jean-Luc!"

Kristoff jumped off the horse's back and found himself face-to-face with Hans' sincere regard, for the first time without any protective cynicism to shield him. It packed a wallop. He felt almost like his knees were going to give out, so he grabbed onto Hans, and then they were kissing, which was--great, perfect, wonderful.

When he came up for air, Hans' fingers were in his hair and the prince was looking about as dazed as Kristoff felt. "Hey," Hans said after a moment. "Worried about you, too. You okay?"

"I'm fine," Kristoff said. "Anna's fine, too. We're all okay."

"Good," Hans said. He still looked a little dazed. "I, uh, didn't see what happened. After the fire. And I have something to tell you--"

"Yeah. Love you, too," Kristoff said.

Hans blinked a couple times very fast, then opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to reconsider. "I didn't say--I mean, I do, but I thought--"

"Sure you did," Kristoff said, and hugged him close for a second, just enough to smell the mix of soap and sweaty skin at the back of his neck, before letting him go and stepping back. Princess Madeline was having a very engaging conversation with Jean-Luc. "Er... hi. I don't think we've met."

"Kristoff, this is Princess Madeline of the Kingdom of Alsace," Hans introduced. He still sounded out of breath. _"[Princess, this is Kristoff, my, er, I mean--]"_

_"[Kristoff Bjorgman, Royal Ice Master of Arendelle, at your service,]"_ Kristoff said smoothly, clicking his heels together and bowing. _"[And I've already met Jean-Luc.]"_

"Jean-Luc?" Hans asked.

"Enchanted horse, long story," Kristoff explained.

"Gotcha." Hans gestured back at the unconscious Secretary Robespierre. "Let's collect that guy and go see if the train is back on track."

They got the secretary over Jean-Luc's back for a rather bumpy ride, and made it out of the gully to see the giant very carefully placing the engine back on the tracks while two anxious engineers looked on. "Andre! Stephan!" Princess Madeline yelled, and the kid with the giant yelled, "Madeline!" and they ran toward each other for an embrace, lost to the outside world.

Good enough. Kristoff was tackled by Anna a moment later. "I couldn't see where you went" she complained at both of them. "Are you okay?"

"We're both okay," Kristoff said as Anna disengaged from him and hugged Hans.

"Yeah, we're good. Are you okay?" Hans asked.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I spent some time with Stephan calming Andre down," Anna said. "Apparently there's this whole thing with a curse and Princess Madeline getting sentenced to spend a year and a day in the giant's castle--"

"I'm sure it's fascinating," Kristoff interrupted. "How's the train?"

It took the engineers another hour to get the train checked out and the passengers resettled. The three of them pitched in where they could, alongside the giant, Jean-Luc, and Stephan and Princess Madeline, who were already giving each other sidelong affectionate looks. But finally they were back in their car, listening to the gentle rattle of the moving train and watching the dimming light across the countryside.

"So my father said he'd disown me," Hans said.

Kristoff turned away from the window to look at him, surprised. Hans was still studying the landscape with a thoughtful expression, like he'd just commented on the chance of rain tomorrow, and Anna was staring at Hans, mouth agape. "What?" she said.

"If I didn't stop doing... well, everything we've been doing for the past week." Hans frowned slightly. "I mean, I think he's less concerned about what I do in bed if I do it when I'm out of the country, but he did specifically say he'd disown me unless I stopped letting Kristoff fuck me, so there is that."

"You..." Kristoff said, then ran out of syllables he was able to pronounce through his bewilderment. He swallowed and tried again. "You didn't think to say anything? Wait, wait." He suddenly put together a few things from their brief stay in Hans' hometown. "Did you ask me to fuck you first thing after he told you this, or am I misremembering?"

"I don't really deal with my father all that well," Hans said with a slight shrug. "He said if I didn't marry Anna or stop sleeping with you he'd cut me off. And my brother wasn't interested in intervening for me."

Anna looked at Kristoff, then back at Hans. "Well, we should..." she looked at Kristoff again and grimaced. "I mean..."

"You should get married," Kristoff said.

He felt confident saying it, but Anna looked at him like he was being ridiculously selfless. Hans shook his head sharply. "No. I'm not getting involved in anything that leaves you out. Either of you," he said, looking over at Anna finally.

"But nobody has to know," she said. "If it's just to make your father happy--"

"I'd know," Hans said. "My father can go hang. I'd rather earn a living doing... something than have a marriage just to make him happy."

Kristoff chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment, looked back and forth between both of them, and tentatively suggested, "Why don't all of us get married?"

Hans and Anna turned to stare at him.

He could feel himself blushing. "I mean. If you want to. Um."

"Is that..?" Hans asked.

"Legal?" Anna finished. "I mean, Father Johannes--"

"If Queen Elsa blesses the ceremony, I'm sure it counts," Kristoff said. "And my family, I mean, they do that kind of thing all the time."

Hans raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that was a Lapplander tradition."

Kristoff's eye roll was completely involuntary, he told himself. "Okay, first, it's not Lapplander, it's Sami--I mean, Arendelle Sami. There's a thing, with the treaty and the land rights and the reindeer breeding program and all."

"Sorry," Hans apologized. "... Reindeer breeding program?"

"Well, yeah," Kristoff said. "You noticed that Sven's the size of a draft horse, right?"

"I noticed," Anna said smugly.

Hans frowned slightly. "They're not that size in the wild?"

"They're not that size in the wild," Anna confirmed.

"Aaaaand second," Kristoff continued, "after my parents died and after I got bounced around my relatives a bunch, I wound up getting adopted by the mountain trolls in the vale up north. So, uh, they're kind of my family now." He cleared his throat. "And they do that kind of thing all the time. So. If Queen Elsa said it was okay..."

"Elsa will totally do it," Anna said, beaming at him.

Kristoff took a deep breath and looked over at Hans, who was staring at him with a guarded expression, then at Anna, who was grinning like he'd just solved all their problems. "So, uh, I guess... will you marry me? Both of you?"

"Yes!" Anna cried, and tumbled into his arms, kissing him soundly. "Oh, thank you, Kristoff, this is _perfect!"_

"Absolutely," Hans said. He scooted over to the other side of Anna on the bench and wrapped his arms around them both. "And as long as you don't mind me eliding some of the facts when I tell my family..."

"I am not morally opposed to lying to your dad," Kristoff admitted.

Hans smiled in relief. "Thank you."

"I just want to save you from having to earn a living 'somehow'," Kristoff said. "Do you even know how money works?"

"I know how money works," Hans protested. "Mostly."

Kristoff gave him a look. "Do you know how to pay for something without billing it to your hotel? Or your family?"

"Of course I've bought things with cash," Hans said reflexively, then frowned. "I mean, it's been a while, but I _have."_

"And you were going to get a job."

"Well, not a _job_ job," Hans said, grinning innocently. "I mean, I'd have figured out something."

"Oof, guys, cut it out," Anna said. She reached up and took Kristoff's face in her hands, then kissed him soundly. "Thank you for being so clever."

Whenever Anna looked at him like that, he felt ten feet tall. He grinned sheepishly. "Well, Hans kinda gave me the idea."

Anna smirked and poked him, then turned to Hans. "And thank you," she said, "For being such a good guy."

Hans looked abashed. "Well, you know, I have you guys to thank for that."

Kristoff grinned at him. "Thanks for living up to our trust in you and not running off to Alsace to fix their banking problems."

Hans' face went completely blank for an instant. "You... were on that ridge the whole time."

"He has a nice right hook," Kristoff told Anna.

"I believe you," Anna said. She poked Hans in the ribs. "What's this about Alsace?"

"I was thinking about it," Hans said slowly. "I mean, Princess Madeline seemed nice. And she liked me." He met Anna's gaze and sighed. "She didn't know me. It would have meant I could start over."

"So what made you change your mind?" Anna asked.

"You. Kristoff. Paris. Arendelle. Everything." Hans shook his head. "I couldn't just marry you if marriage was all that stuff I want to leave behind. I had to know."

Anna smiled at him. "I knew."

"That's the lesson, I guess," Kristoff said, kissing Anna on the top of the head. "Listen to her."

"You bet," Anna said. She leaned back into Kristoff's arms and pulled Hans into her lap, all of them touching each other as much as they could. "I know exactly what I'm doing."


	9. An Early Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anna, Hans, and Kristoff get what they want.

One thing Anna had to say for Kristoff's family: when they wanted to marry people, they were efficient about it.

Elsa was happy to give her blessing, and the three of them, Elsa, Sven and Olaf all trekked up the mountain to the vale. Kristoff's family was thrilled to see them, and even more thrilled to be finally performing the wedding ceremony they'd started the first time they met Anna. One more participant didn't faze them in the least.

Anna wanted to commit the entire night to memory, every rock and tree, the goofy grin on Kristoff's face, Hans' smile when she joined them under the arch, the kissing--

After the kissing, she didn't remember much at all.

It was the middle of the night when they got back to the castle. Anna helped Kristoff get Sven unhitched and settled back in the stables, hugged her sister goodnight, and then took Kristoff's and Hans' hands and led them back to her room.

Their room? She looked around and bit her lip. If it was going to be _their_ room, they were going to need a bigger bed, not to mention more wardrobe space...

Hans kissed her on the neck. "What are you thinking about?"

She laughed and turned toward him. "Wardrobes? Um." He smiled at her and she felt herself get lightheaded, almost, giddy. "You know. Since we're married."

"Married." Hans laughed and looked almost as giddy as she felt. "Marrrrrried. Wow."

"Yeah," Kristoff said from behind her. "Wow."

Anna reached back and took Kristoff's hand, pulled him close until he was hugging her from behind. "And now it's late, and I want to go to bed with my husbands."

She could feel Kristoff's laugh as much as hear it. He bent down to kiss her on the cheek. "Wife. Wow. That really happened."

"We really eloped," Hans agreed.

"We're really married!" Anna said, grinning. "Come on!"

Her bed was smaller than the one in the hotel in Paris, but they made space. She found herself on top of Kristoff again, straddling him, his mouth wetly kissing down her collarbone over her breasts. He kissed her right nipple and sucked, gently, then looked up at her and grinned somewhat giddily before bending and putting his mouth right over her entire breast.

"Eek!" she exclaimed as he pulled back and sucked on her nipple again, giving her more tingles all over. "What was that?"

He looked up and smiled at her again. "I just wanted to see if I could."

Anna giggled and ruffled his hair. "What, now that I can't back out?"

"Something like that." He wrapped his hands around her waist. "What do you want?"

"I want both of you," she said, putting her hands on Kristoff's shoulders and turning to look at Hans, who was watching them patiently. "Like this?"

"Of course," Hans said. "Hey, you know we need a new jar of Vaseline? We're almost out."

"Heaven forfend," Anna said. She leaned forward against Kristoff's chest and nuzzled against his neck. "Okay?"

"Oh, yes," Kristoff said, running his hands down her back. He cradled her gently against him while he adjusted his position, and then--

Oof, every time they did this it was a stretch. Anna closed her eyes and rocked against him, gently, letting her body adjust, trusting she could. It felt wonderful, glorious and slightly wicked, as he slipped inside her and she felt her muscles stretch to encompass that thick, living heat.

She exhaled when she felt she'd taken as much as she could, only then realizing she'd been holding her breath.

"Oh, Anna," Kristoff said softly.

"Mmmm," she agreed, rocking back and forth, reveling in the slick shifting inside her, the sense of _completeness_ as she was filled to the brim.

Well, almost. Hans leaned over and gently kissed her shoulder, and she tilted her head until she could catch his mouth with hers. "Hey," he asked when she broke off the kiss, "Ready?"

"Yes," she said, and leaned forward again. Kristoff wrapped his arms around her and snuggled her close. She could feel his breath and his heartbeat under her chest, and he tucked his chin over her head so she could settle her face into the crook of his neck and breathe in the scent of him and sweat and sex.

Hans's fingers were trailing over her back, his palm gently rubbing circles over her shoulder blades. Anna sighed into Kristoff's neck and tried to relax all her muscles as Hans probed slick fingers against her, then inside her, gently, ever-so-gently. Kristoff hissed as Hans' fingers pressed up against his cock, and Anna moaned as she felt the shifting of pressure, intimate and taboo and strange and fantastic.

"Yes," she encouraged him, "Mmm, yeah."

Hans leaned over and kissed her neck. "You're incredible," he said. "Fuck, you're incredible."

"Thank you," she said, as he pulled his fingers away and settled his body closer against her, "I feel the same way about ah!"

She gasped and rested her head against Kristoff's neck as Hans' cock slid inside her. The pressure was delicious, and she was squeezed between their bodies, snug and warm and safe, and there was that satisfying overwhelming feeling filling her up inside, where every tiny movement they made rubbed right against all her sensitive places and the feelings nearly made her faint.

"Ohhh," she breathed when she could move again.

"Hah, yeah," Hans said, shakily. He nuzzled at the back of your head. "Hey, you were saying something."

"Wasn't important," she said. She wriggled her body a bit and _squeezed,_ and both Kristoff and Hans groaned. "Ha! Besides, you know how I feel."

"You feel fantastic," Kristoff said. "But I know what you mean."

Hans planted his hand on the bed next to her and re-settled his weight, causing his cock to shift inside her and against Kristoff, making him moan. Anna could barely move, but she nodded appreciatively and reached out to lace her fingers with Hans'. "Ah, hey," he said. "That good?"

"Yes," she said. "Good, yes. Please."

He rocked into her again, slick and hard, then re-balanced himself and started stroking into her, slowly, so that she could feel every inch of movement inside her. Heat and pleasure were building, as she rocked back and forth on Kristoff's cock with Hans' movements, and she could feel her orgasm nearing as her body moved against theirs.

Kristoff had been quiet since Hans started moving, but she could feel his breathing as she rocked against him, fast and harsh. "Oh, Anna," he said suddenly, "I don't know how long I can hold--"

She forced her hips down against him and leaned into Hans' thrusts. "I'm close," she said. "So close, I--oh, please, almost there--"

Kristoff cried out and thrust up into her, as hard as he could while under her weight and Hans'. Anna ground her hips down as his orgasm ebbed until she felt the tinder-spark of pleasure suddenly flare.

"Fuck, I can feel that, fuck," she heard Hans say through the white-hot wash of her orgasm, and then felt him grinding into her, hard and sharp and passionate and pushing her into another place entirely, until she collapsed on Kristoff's chest panting like she'd run a marathon and muscles gone limp and wobbly with pleasure.

"Woah," Kristoff said softly. Hans took a deep breath and pulled out of her, and she sighed at the absence.

"Mmm," Hans said. He kissed her shoulder and then lay down next to Kristoff, trailing his fingers over Anna's spine. "That was fantastic."

"Yes," she agreed. She leaned up and kissed Kristoff, lingering, tasting him, then turned her face to kiss Hans, greedily drawing it out until Kristoff laughed and said, "Hey, c'mon, share."

"Oh, sorry," Anna said, drawing back. Hans grinned at her, then grinned wider as she tilted her head in Kristoff's direction and waited until he rolled over so he could kiss Kristoff too.

"Mmm," Kristoff said. "Hey. Husband."

Hans laughed, startled. "Husband," he repeated. He turned to Anna. "Wife." He kissed her on the nose. "Hey. Still worried?"

"What, you mean about everything?" She laughed nervously herself. "Oh, just a little, I mean, what about our kids? What about our reception? We can't just get married without having a party to announce it, and what if your family finds out and your dad gets angry? What about--oh," the thought struck her suddenly, and she blanched, "What am I going to tell Father Johannes? I can't just--"

Hans kissed her again, and she stopped talking.

"I would have done that," Kristoff said when Hans pulled away, "But I like asking first."

"Too polite," Hans said. "Anna?"

"I'm okay," she said, and giggled. "What am I even saying? We'll get through it. I'll get through it, because I've got you." She smiled, because suddenly it felt like her heart was overwhelmed with love and pride. "My husbands." She laughed again. "Mine, all mine."

Hans smiled, then put his arms around her waist and dragged her down until she was nestled between them. "Ours," he said gently, and kissed her again.

"Yeah, ours," Kristoff said. He leaned over until he could kiss her, too, and she leaned against him, warm and solid, and relaxed.

They'd stuck together so far, and they'd face whatever came next together, too.

"Except," Kristoff said, "We really, really need to get a bigger bed."

Anna laughed and snuggled closer. "In the morning?"

"Okay," he said dubiously, "But if I wind up on the floor in the middle of the night I'm going to put my cold feet right on yours."

"This is exactly what I thought being married would be like," Hans said.

Anna closed her eyes and let her sleepiness overtake her. "'m glad," she said, and yawned.

She did notice a few minutes later when her husbands tucked the blanket around her and snuggled back into bed with her, but everything else was fuzzy and warm and out of mind until the new day.


End file.
